# My Mom is slipping away. She's barely there now. {She just passed at 91 and a day} 2023-02-06 **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 2, 2021, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772 "2021-10-02T13:00:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2021, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/21 "2021-10-02T20:04:43Z")
Sincere condolences. I know how tough this is. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2021, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/22 "2021-10-02T20:06:15Z")
> [@carrps](#): > > he was only 59 when he died. It’s hard whenever. Both my folks died relatively young. I’m now older than either of them got to be. That feels weird. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2021, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/23 "2021-10-02T20:08:35Z")
It does, doesn’t it? At least my mom made it to 83! ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2021, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/24 "2021-10-02T21:08:15Z")
I’m so sorry, What\_Exit. I also lost my mom when she was 89. She’d said she didn’t want to make it to 90, and she didn’t. She would have been 100 last April. I miss her every day. And I’m a third vote for not urging her to eat if she doesn’t want to. That’s very hard, I know, but her body is trying to let go, and eating is not going to significantly delay the end or make her feel better. May her transition be smooth and serene and your grief gentle. ---
**Author:** ![Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/77aa72/32.png) [@Fluffy\_PickleSniffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fluffy_PickleSniffer)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2021, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/25 "2021-10-02T21:13:20Z")
It’s rough going through that, I’m sorry. Try to be with her as much as you can. She may not be as aware of how often you visit anymore, but you will be glad of it, for your own peace of mind. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2021, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/26 "2021-10-02T21:56:11Z")
I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2021, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/27 "2021-10-02T22:13:05Z")
> [@MoonMoon](#): > > I’m sorry you and your family are going through this. Peace to all of you. > > One gentle suggestion: it’s very hard for for families to accept, but she really doesn’t need food right now. It’s perfectly normal for her to lose interest, and there’s really no need to stress yourselves or her over food. Follow her lead. ❤ Let me second this. It’s very common for the dying to lose all interest in eating. So common in fact it’s sort of normal. I saw it happen with my father-in-law, mother, father, and husband. If your mom expresses hunger or says she wants to eat then of course feed her, but if she says she’s not hungry she’s probably not and don’t force the issue. When the end nears everything starts to shut down, including hunger and digestion. Spend as much time as you can with her now. Even if she doesn’t seem aware of you, she might be, and for a lot of people those final days and hours with a loved one are valuable (of course, for others it’s not - you do you). > [@pullin](#): > > Mom was declining due to Parkinson’s and the last few weeks went downhill very fast. I traveled to spend some time helping Dad (and just being there) when she got worse. I went to the hospice place one day and she brightened and recognized me – even managing to say my name. That phenomena has a name: [terminal lucidity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminal_lucidity). If you’re fortunate enough to encounter it make the time to be there and be with the person. @What_Exit I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this. Feel free to come back to this thread if we can be of any help, even if that’s just an outlet for your feelings and words. Take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2021, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/28 "2021-10-02T22:17:30Z")
@What_Exit Hold her hand, tell her out loud you love her and that it is all right for her to let go. Will be holding you both in the light. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2021, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/29 "2021-10-03T00:02:14Z")
> [@BippityBoppityBoo](#): > > Hold her hand, tell her out loud you love her and that it is all right for her to let go. … Second the above. My father (on whom be peace) lost consciousness a little over a day before the end, and from then on one of us was always holding his hand and lending him strength — not to stay, but to go. I believe it made his passing easier for us as well. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2021, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/30 "2021-10-03T00:46:40Z")
I have nothing new to say, just another voice of sympathy. Losing a parent is hard no matter what the circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![frognot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frognot/32/8752_2.png) [@frognot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/frognot)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2021, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/31 "2021-10-03T18:57:53Z")
My dad would also have been 100 this year but died in 1974 (the morning of my high school graduation). ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2021, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/32 "2021-10-03T23:21:43Z")
Worse than my mom dying Christmas morning. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2021, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/33 "2021-10-04T18:45:21Z")
My condolences to you and your family. I hope this time is as peaceful and as full of love as possible. You are in my thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2021, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/34 "2021-10-04T18:49:50Z")
Not much original I can add to others’ well-spoken thoughts, but I hope for everyone’s sake that your mom’s passing is peaceful. Cherish the time you do have with her. We were fortunate that neither of my parents had any loss of lucidity - they remained themselves until the very last. It’s got to be beyond painful for everyone to know that the parent they loved isn’t truly at home in her head anymore. We too made a point of never leaving her alone (she was in the hospital), talking to her, and letting her know it was OK to go. She finally slipped away when 2 of the 3 of us had gone home briefly to shower. I think parents know, somehow. ---
**Author:** ![am77494](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d2c977/32.png) [@am77494](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/am77494)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2021, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/35 "2021-10-04T18:52:31Z")
I am very sorry. I really dont know what to say. I feel your pain and her pain. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2021, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/36 "2021-10-04T19:10:00Z")
Thinking of you and your family, **WE**. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2021, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/37 "2021-10-05T16:39:29Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Both my folks died relatively young. I’m now older than either of them got to be. That feels weird. My father died at 63, my mother at 78. As I get to late in my 85th year, it does feel weird. Both my wife’s parents died in their 60s and she is now 83. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/38 "2021-10-12T23:12:02Z")
My mom died October 1st. She was with it to the end. She was in hospice and died in her sleep. I still miss her…one more question one more story. She took care of her mother in her home until Grams death at 96. Mom had travelled the world and US. This is from a gal from Kalamazoo! Life well lived! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/39 "2021-10-12T23:15:16Z")
{{{hugs}}} I am sorry to hear this news, even if we expected it. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772/40 "2021-10-12T23:33:27Z")
You will miss her forever. But the grief will eventually make room for joy. I’m glad she was able to be in hospice, and to die gently in her sleep. I’m very sorry for your loss. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-is-slipping-away-shes-barely-there-now-she-just-passed-at-91-and-a-day-2023-02-06/951772.md?page=3)