# My mom was killed in a fire last night. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2011, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881 "2011-04-27T12:25:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![heavyarms553](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/779978/32.png) [@heavyarms553](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/heavyarms553)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/321 "2011-04-28T21:19:43Z")
God that is awful. I’m so sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/322 "2011-04-28T21:43:00Z")
Oh, **Dio** , I’m so terribly sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/323 "2011-04-28T21:50:27Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss, **Dio, cricetus**. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Goggles03](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@Goggles03](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Goggles03)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/324 "2011-04-28T21:52:21Z")
> [@](#): > > She sounds like a wonderful woman; always seeking knowledge and wanting to impart it to others. It’s clear where you get your moxie, Dio. I’m sure she was as proud of you and your brothers as she was of her awards. Carry on in her honor, knowing a huge part of her will always be with you in your fight against ignorance. +1 to this. Judging by your posts, the acorn didn’t fall far from the tree. I’m sorry about your mom. Time will heal, but it’s so damn slow sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/325 "2011-04-28T22:12:42Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > They say the smoke got her first and she probably never woke up. Do they always tell the families that? My grandparents (more like parents) died in a house fire when they were just a little older than your mom. I got the call at 4:11 am. The person who told us they likely never woke up also told us that modern homes have so many synthetic fabrics and plastics that the smoke is really toxic making it even less likely that they woke up. At the time I wasn’t sure it was comforting. I won’t to pretend to know just how you’re feeling, but your thread has me thinking a lot about that time. If your experience is like mine you will get to a place where you can think of your mom without thinking of how she died. Still sending good thoughts your way. Take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/326 "2011-04-28T22:22:18Z")
I’m very sorry that you’re having to go through this, Dio. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/327 "2011-04-28T22:25:12Z")
Damn, **Dio**. I’m very sorry to hear this. My condolences to you and yours. ---
**Author:** ![grayhairedmomma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/47e85d/32.png) [@grayhairedmomma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grayhairedmomma)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/328 "2011-04-28T22:31:17Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like a great person. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/329 "2011-04-28T23:05:39Z")
Just saw this. Crap, **Dio**. You and your family have my sincerest wishes for peace and strength. ---
**Author:** ![It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/it_s_not_rocket_surgery/32/312_2.png) [@It\_s\_Not\_Rocket\_Surgery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/It_s_Not_Rocket_Surgery)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/330 "2011-04-28T23:07:53Z")
So sorry for your loss. Our heartfelt condolences to you and yours. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/331 "2011-04-28T23:10:45Z")
Are you taking care of yourself? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/332 "2011-04-28T23:19:45Z")
I’m ok. We finally got a positive ID on the body from surgical records. I’d been holding onto the miniscule possibility that, by some freakish set of circumstances, it was somebody else or (is this unusual?) wondering if they made a mistake about her being dead, but I knew those thoughts were irrational. It doesn’t seem real yet, but I’m finding myself being impatient with the kids. Haven’t had an appetite for the last two days, but trying to force myself to eat a few bites here and there. Killed a few shots of whiskey last night. Probably will again tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/333 "2011-04-28T23:32:16Z")
My heartfelt condolences. What a horrorshow to carry inside of your mind and heart. She sounds like she was a tremendously gifted caring writer and person. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > They say the smoke got her first and she probably never woke up. Do they always tell the families that? No. They will be professional and hopefully gentle- but quite frequently honest enough that you have some sense of what really happened- without their being overly ghoulish in their verbiage. Carbon monoxide in your sleep is painless and an unknown and unfought death. I would completely believe that she never knew a thing. She fell asleep. Small comfort, but some comfort to hold onto this very likely truth. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/334 "2011-04-28T23:42:12Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m ok. We finally got a positive ID on the body from surgical records. I’d been holding onto the miniscule possibility that, by some freakish set of circumstances, it was somebody else or (is this unusual?) wondering if they made a mistake about her being dead, but I knew those thoughts were irrational. It doesn’t seem real yet, but I’m finding myself being impatient with the kids. Haven’t had an appetite for the last two days, but trying to force myself to eat a few bites here and there. Killed a few shots of whiskey last night. Probably will again tonight. **DtC** , I’m so sorry for your great loss. Your reaction is normal. Disbelief is the first stage of grief. The others don’t follow in any certain order, but denial is always first. When my son died, I had to see him to make it real. I don’t recommend that. The most important thing right now is to take care of yourself. EAT! Even if you don’t feel hungry, take food like medicine if you have to. Drinking isn’t the best idea, but if you have to, give yourself a cutoff point, don’t let it take over. Talk. Talk here, to your family, your friends, hell, talk to strangers. Every word helps. Grief doesn’t go away, but time does make the moments of pain farther apart. Cry. Hold your children, and your wife. They are on your side, don’t shut them out. For what it’s worth. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/335 "2011-04-28T23:44:06Z")
I’m so sorry, DtC. I wish you and your family peace. ---
**Author:** ![minlokwat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minlokwat/32/2844_2.png) [@minlokwat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minlokwat)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2011, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/336 "2011-04-28T23:59:14Z")
You have my sympathies. Being impatient with your kids is a perfectly natural reaction. Figure you’ll be going through a dream-like, almost trippy fog the next few days. The loss of appetite and inability to sleep and the arrangements that must now be made and the finality of what happened will cast a sort of surreal haze upon everything that’s going on. Go easy on the booze as that can easily make matters worse. You’ve quite a support group here at the Dope who are behind you. I wish you my best in what I know is a difficult time. ---
**Author:** ![vix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a88e4f/32.png) [@vix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vix)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/337 "2011-04-29T00:21:08Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/338 "2011-04-29T00:26:17Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, **Dio**. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/339 "2011-04-29T00:42:34Z")
My deepest condolences, **Dio**. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2011, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/340 "2011-04-29T00:58:25Z")
**Dio** , **Cricetus** , I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your mother sounds like a person I would have loved to know. Please take care of yourselves. Grief is really, really hard on the human body. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881.md?page=18)