# My mom was killed in a fire last night. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 27, 2011, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881 "2011-04-27T12:25:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 21
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/401 "2011-05-02T18:12:56Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard to lose your mother, no matter when it happens, and she was taken from you way too soon. Be gentle with yourself. Let people help you if you can. ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/402 "2011-05-02T18:53:12Z")
My condolences, Dio. ---
**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/403 "2011-05-02T21:45:55Z")
God, I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Norse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/big_norse/32/9954_2.png) [@Big\_Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Norse)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/404 "2011-05-04T21:23:58Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I’m ok. We finally got a positive ID on the body from surgical records. I’d been holding onto the miniscule possibility that, by some freakish set of circumstances, it was somebody else or (is this unusual?) wondering if they made a mistake about her being dead, but I knew those thoughts were irrational. It doesn’t seem real yet, but I’m finding myself being impatient with the kids. Haven’t had an appetite for the last two days, but trying to force myself to eat a few bites here and there. Killed a few shots of whiskey last night. Probably will again tonight. If my experience is any indicator, this isn’t unusual at all. I lost my father in January and sometimes feel that mistakes were made and I’ll be talking to him soon. Because we didn’t live in the same town and I only saw him a couple times a year I know that when the holidays come around where I usually saw him I’ll be expecting him to show up. The funeral gives some closure, but losing one’s parent is so massive I don’t think it truly sinks in for a while (especially if you didn’t see them everyday). I know it will be a long time before I stop thinking: “Oh, I can’t wait to tell dad [insert interesting thing].” I’m very sorry for your loss, and I empathize for the paperwork agony heading your way. It’s not fun getting on the phone over and over having to tell people and agencies that your parent is dead, and then having to fill out the correct form in the correct way so that things get wrapped up in the right way. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/405 "2011-05-04T23:46:08Z")
Just saw this terrible news. I’m sorry for your loss **Diogenes**. I send wishes of peace and strength to you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/406 "2011-05-04T23:52:50Z")
My deepest sympathies, Diogenes. That’s very sad news to hear. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/407 "2011-05-04T23:56:01Z")
So very sorry, Dio. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/408 "2011-05-05T02:08:04Z")
**Dio** , I know you value rationality and logic but for a brief time you won’t be as rational and logical as you normally are. _And that’s perfectly normal and OK_. Death is a shock. Grief is painful. Try to eat something. I know it’s hard, grief makes me lose my appetite, too, but you do need to take care of yourself. As for holding out irrational hope - again, it’s a common reaction. I was by my mother’s side, holding her hand when she died and I _still_ had trouble believing it. I spent the time before the morticians showed up going in and out of her room, checking again and again to “make sure”. I will say I was very grateful to the pickup crew - they carefully made sure her nightgown was in order before moving her, and handled her as gently as if she were still alive even though by then she was cold. It was, of course, for the benefit of those still living as she was beyond all care and suffering. Nonetheless, it was a small but very great kindness to us in our grief, when we weren’t quite rational. I hope that those around you now, and around your brother and the rest of your family while you deal with this and make the necessary arrangements will be as kind, sensitive, and gentle with you. This is hard, I know, but others have been through this sort of grief before. We are here for you. If you find any comfort here at all you are welcomed, nay, encouraged to speak. We are here for you. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/409 "2011-05-05T04:39:25Z")
It’s been about a month since my **wife’s** mother died and I still sometimes think I’ll run into her. So what you’re feeling is definitely normal. With mother’s day coming up my wife has been feeling really depressed. But her sister visited today and really cheered her up. Actually, her sister has been a stabilizing force for her. Maybe your brother can be an emotional help for you. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/410 "2011-05-05T04:53:20Z")
We’re having a funeral service on monday. She was cremated several days ago, but we had to delay the service because we’re all coming from out of town. Her service will be the day after Mother’s Day. I’m going bring a guitar and play and sing a couple of her favorite songs. Playing is easier for me than speaking. ---
**Author:** ![Bearflag70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Bearflag70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bearflag70)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/411 "2011-05-05T04:56:40Z")
My thoughts are with you, **Diogenes the Cynic**. I wish you peace in this trying time. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/412 "2011-05-05T05:13:38Z")
I hope the service helps you find a greater level of comfort and closure. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/413 "2011-05-05T17:02:23Z")
**tnetennba** , I don’t know if you are reading along, but I am holding you in my thoughts as well. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Composer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@The\_Composer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Composer)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/414 "2011-05-06T20:01:07Z")
**Dio** , please accept my most sincere condolences. I’ve been away from the Boards awhile and just saw this thread. I’m so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/415 "2011-05-06T22:18:09Z")
Been away for quite a while; just saw this. I am so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/416 "2011-05-07T00:06:35Z")
Please accept my condolences. You will never stop missing her. You will start to miss her less often and more gently. (And let the lawyer handle as much as possible.) ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/417 "2011-05-07T00:40:00Z")
Just saw this- **Dio** , I’m so sorry. My deepest sympathy to you and all your family. Take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/418 "2011-05-07T06:48:00Z")
I can only repeat what has been said. I am very saddened by your loss and I hope you will soon be reconciled and at peace, just as you mother is. ---
**Author:** ![Turtledove](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc8723/32.png) [@Turtledove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turtledove)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/419 "2011-05-07T19:24:31Z")
I pray your good memories of and with your mother will help sustain you through the times ahead when you are most deeply in grief. Peace be yours with a thankful heart for having the blessing of a good Mom. Let your friends embrace you with their caring. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2011, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881/420 "2011-05-07T22:47:01Z")
Thanks, all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881.md?page=20) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mom-was-killed-in-a-fire-last-night/579881.md?page=22)