# My mother died. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 12, 2005, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710 "2005-02-12T04:29:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/1 "2005-02-12T04:29:42Z")
I found out mom had brain cancer on December 7th, the same day I was laid off from my job. She had some ups and downs, but generally declined steadily. She’d been unconscious for a few days, according to my sister. My sister called today, and said that the visiting nurses and aides suggested mom be moved to hospice. We hung up when the doorbell rang, signalling the aide was there. At about 11:00 this morning I headed out to do errands. New car tags, return a video, mail a package… and send a document stating that I approve cremation when mom dies. After that I headed to Bellingham where I dropped an old cell phone off at a women’s shelter, gave some video shelves to friends, and then hung out watching videos. I went to KFC for dinner, and had to wait 15 minutes for the biscuits. When I got home a little after 20:00 there were five messages on my answering machine and one on my mobile phone, which I hadn’t taken with me. I called my sister. Mom died at 12:30 today Arizona time. 11:30 here. The aide and my sister were turning mom in her bed. Mom’s head was in my sister’s arms. Then she just stopped breathing. She ‘died peacefully in her sleep’. I’m sad that mom died. But the shock hit December 7th. I’m not glad that mom’s gone, but I am glad that she’s no longer in pain. My sister said mom would grimace in her sleep, and when she was unconscious. Mom told me that her back pain was excruciating, and she wished it were over. She’d been very lonely since her husband died a year ago New Year’s Eve. She was ready to go. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/2 "2005-02-12T04:35:57Z")
I’m so sorry, **Johnny L. A.**. I know what it’s like to lose a mom. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/3 "2005-02-12T04:47:57Z")
Here’s some good vibes, prayers, and a whole lot of sympathy… ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/4 "2005-02-12T04:48:12Z")
It is hard to understand how we can be in mourning for a person that few of us actually met. Yet I followed her progress and I was felling happy for her when the news was good or sad when bad, now it is a sad time also for me. I am terribly sorry **Johnny** , let me now if there is something I can do to help, remember I live close by in Phoenix. ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/5 "2005-02-12T04:49:13Z")
**Johnny L. A.** , My condolences on your mother’s passing. > [@Johnny L. A.](#): > > I’m not glad that mom’s gone, but I am glad that she’s no longer in pain. I felt the same when my mother died 5 years ago. It should be a comfort to you that she went peacefully and among family. Peace be with you. ---
**Author:** ![FatBaldGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/6 "2005-02-12T04:52:10Z")
**Johnny** , I’m so sorry for your loss. I know this has been a very trying time for you, and I’m sending all my best wishes toward you. Things have got to start looking up soon. ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/7 "2005-02-12T04:51:53Z")
My condolences **Johnny**. I wish we were closer so I could offer more than message board support. Hugs, bud. ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/8 "2005-02-12T05:19:13Z")
So sorry to hear, Johnny ☹ I’m glad to hear that she went peacefully, though, and I understand what you mean about not being glad she’s gone, but glad she’s no longer suffering. _hugs_ ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/9 "2005-02-12T05:22:27Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, **Johnny**. Like a lot of Dopers, I followed your messages about your Mom. May she live on in your heart and memories always. ---
**Author:** ![zoogirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b9bd4f/32.png) [@zoogirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoogirl)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/10 "2005-02-12T05:22:56Z")
I don’t know whether to say I’m sorry you weren’t with her or glad. I didn’t know my dad was gone until I got a phonecall but I was with my mom. Either way is damn hard. She’s at peace now and it sounds like it was easy for her when it came. That’s the best any of us can hope for. I’m sorry for the pain you feel but I can’t be sorry that her’s is gone. I sent up a little prayer for you. Mostly, I asked for strength and solace. Take care of yourself. zoo ---
**Author:** ![Sharky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Sharky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sharky)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/11 "2005-02-12T05:40:47Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, **Johnny**. I know what you mean by feeling relief that her suffering is over, my father died while in the deepest depths of Alzheimer’s. Peace to you. ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/12 "2005-02-12T05:41:17Z")
I’m so sorry for your loss, **Johnny**. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/13 "2005-02-12T05:42:30Z")
Oh, **John** , I’m so sorry. We’re thinking about you. You know my e-mail address. ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/14 "2005-02-12T05:46:37Z")
Echoing the thoughts of the other, mate. Anything I can say here will seem trite. It’s not been a good time for you, but things have to be looking up from here. I’m glad your mum went peacefully, and that the pain is gone. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/15 "2005-02-12T05:48:29Z")
I can’t imagine how you must feel. The thought of either of my parents dying brings tears to my eyes, quite literally. I pray that you and your family will bear up in this time of sorrow. ---
**Author:** ![JillGat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc29f/32.png) [@JillGat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JillGat)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/16 "2005-02-12T05:49:40Z")
Most people go through it, but it’s a unique experience, losing a mom. When my mom finally died from a degenerative disease she’d suffered from for several years, it was bittersweet, like you describe. I was glad she wasn’t suffering anymore. After the initial shock and grieving that she was really gone, I started corresponding with my siblings and friends from my childhood - all of whom had fantastic stories of my zany, wild mom. Some were new stories to me and others were recountings of times when I was there, but they added a new perspective or details I didn’t know. I still see things I want to tell her about, life experiences I know would make her laugh. But she lives on through me - through memories, through my personality and take on the world, through how I raise my daughter. Sorry for your loss, Johnny. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/17 "2005-02-12T05:51:17Z")
She’s not going to get the Valentine’s card I sent her. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/18 "2005-02-12T06:01:08Z")
What a day this has been - first I read how **START** lost his brother, now I read that you’ve lost your mom. My sincere condolences, **Johnny**. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/19 "2005-02-12T06:10:00Z")
I’m really sorry to hear it Johnny :(. ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2005, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710/20 "2005-02-12T06:16:49Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > She’s not going to get the Valentine’s card I sent her. The card was only a reminder of what she already knew. You don’t need to tell a mother that you love her, and you still do. And now you’ve both found the release from what’s been hanging over your heads for a long time. Condolences and strength to you. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-died/289710.md?page=2)