# My Mother-in-law told my daughter to shut up. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 17, 2005, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413 "2005-11-17T00:02:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![grayhairedmomma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/47e85d/32.png) [@grayhairedmomma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grayhairedmomma)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/41 "2005-11-17T06:51:47Z")
> [@CynicalGabe](#): > > What color is the sky in your world? 😉 > Wouldn’t it be nice if life were actually that simple? The OP stated the couple was trying to save up enough money to move out. Should they have to choose between putting up with crap like that and living in a homeless shelter? Just because it is someone else’s house doesn’t mean they can treat your kids how THEY want. No - > [@Harborwolf](#): > > Alias and I decided that we would rather be saving money for a house as opposed to slugging away simply to pay rent and having nothing at the end of it. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 6:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/42 "2005-11-17T06:53:37Z")
Gotta just back up the OP again. The issue in the OP was that the MIL told the child to shut up. **Alias** took issue with it. That’s all we really know. Somehow the issue turned into whether or not **Alias** and **Harborwolf** are freeloaders, failures, etc etc etc. I mean, come on! Disagree with the fact that “shut up” is that bad of a thing for grandma to say to Jr., but why start personally attacking the OP’s family based solely on the fact that she lives with her in-law(s)? The responses seem to be way out of hand and unnecessarally mean, but hey, that’s just me. ---
**Author:** ![sleestak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/919ad9/32.png) [@sleestak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sleestak)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/43 "2005-11-17T07:07:35Z")
I gotta agree with **Martin Hyde** and almost everyone else on this one. I have to wonder about this statement: > [@Alias](#): > > Well, tempers have flaired, and the battle for power has gotten rather ugly a few times. It seems to me that unless you are paying a significant part of the house payment(and your MIL _needs_ the assistance, which doesn’t seem to be the case) you have no power to battle over. It’s her house and you should feel lucky that she is willing to let you live there. > [@Alias](#): > > Things get delicate when dealing with relatives, and even more delicate when you have to share a house. It certainly sounds as though your MIL doesn’t _have_ to share her house, she is doing you a favor. You ought to keep in mind that your MIL might want to have her house back as having the three of you live there (for a year and a half!!!) probably interferes with her expected lifestyle. Slee ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/44 "2005-11-17T07:22:14Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Gotta just back up the OP again. > > The issue in the OP was that the MIL told the child to shut up. **Alias** took issue with it. That’s all we really know. Somehow the issue turned into whether or not **Alias** and **Harborwolf** are freeloaders, failures, etc etc etc. I mean, come on! Disagree with the fact that “shut up” is that bad of a thing for grandma to say to Jr., but why start personally attacking the OP’s family based solely on the fact that she lives with her in-law(s)? No – based on the fact that they are living with MIL so that they can save up for a house. They could get an apartment, but they choose not to. Generally, people live with their in-laws only when it’s either that or the shelter, and then only for as long as it takes to find work, an apartment, the deposit money for an apartment, or some combination of the above. Not a year and a half. I don’t care how productively they spend their time; a house is a goal that should be striven for independently, not on MIL’s dime. But hey, I don’t know anything about their life. Although I do know what it’s like to be the kid in the middle of these situations. It’s entirely possible that **Harborkid** is acting up, but mainly as a result of witnessing these “power struggles”. Poor kid. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/45 "2005-11-17T11:24:14Z")
Well, I’d be pissed if someone told my kids to shut up. While it may have just been the outpouring of frustration, I’d watch for how often it happens, because not only is it a respect issue, but kids tend to repeat what they hear. Tell a kid to shut up (or fuck off or call them an idiot) enough times and they’ll figure that it’s OK to use that on others. If it happens with more frequency than you can tolerate, well then, yeah, you do have to investigate other living arrangements. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/46 "2005-11-17T12:25:02Z")
> [@sleestak](#): > > It certainly sounds as though your MIL doesn’t _have_ to share her house, she is doing you a favor. You ought to keep in mind that your MIL might want to have her house back as having the three of you live there (for a year and a half!!!) probably interferes with her expected lifestyle. While I think “shut up” is a fairly mild rebuke, and the OP is going a bit overboard with her anger, I need to comment on the “favor” thing. Doing someone a favor does not give you the right to lord over them. If MIL is being cranky, irritable, and unreasonable, then Harborfamily should not be expected to take it in the chops every day just because she’s doing them a favor. Presumably people do other people favors because they like them and want to help them, not because they want license to be jerks. If you expect me to keep silent about your bad acts because you’re doing me a favor, please, don’t do me any favors. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/47 "2005-11-17T13:21:28Z")
The hell’s wrong with using a spatula to clean up dog puke? Scrape it off the carpet or floor without rubbing more of it into the fibers or pushing it around. Then use the other conventional means to finish the job. I’ve done this. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/48 "2005-11-17T13:35:35Z")
> [@Uncommon Sense](#): > > The hell’s wrong with using a spatula to clean up dog puke? Geez, didn’t you read the OP? She scraped up the puke and then the spatula went right back into the mac ‘n’ cheese, the little kid said “Ewwww, gramma, that’s _gross!_”, gramma told her to shut up, and the next thing you know, \*\*Alias \*\*is running to the PC to bitch out his mother-in-law and seize Total Domestic Power! Well, that’s what _I_ got out of it, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/49 "2005-11-17T14:12:49Z")
We usually wait until it dries. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/50 "2005-11-17T14:56:12Z")
> [@Alias](#): > > Well, there have been some fairly presumptuous posts in this thread. I, for one, wasn’t expecting so many accusations and assumptions. For God’s sake, you people don’t even know me or my circumstances. JER-RY! JER-RY! JER-RY! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Avarie537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/48db29/32.png) [@Avarie537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Avarie537)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/51 "2005-11-17T15:01:38Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > Geez, didn’t you read the OP? **She scraped up the puke and then the spatula went right back into the mac ‘n’ cheese** , the little kid said “Ewwww, gramma, that’s _gross!_”, gramma told her to shut up, and the next thing you know, \*\*Alias \*\*is running to the PC to bitch out his mother-in-law and seize Total Domestic Power! > > Well, that’s what _I_ got out of it, anyway. (bolding mine) Nowhere in the OP (or the rest of the thread for that matter) does anyone say that the spatula was re-used for human food consumption immediately after having been used to clean up vomit. THAT would get a totally different reaction from me. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/52 "2005-11-17T15:04:36Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > As for taking advantage of hospitality, we may live rent free but we do easily 98% of the grunt work to keep the house from becoming a dump. We do the cleaning. We do the easily done repairs. We do the cooking. We take care of the animals for the most part, hers and ours. This relationship is mutually beneficial. Is the 2% the part where you’re watching TV while Mom cleans up dog vomit? ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413/53 "2005-11-17T15:10:07Z")
This is getting unnecessarily heated and nasty. I’m going to close it for now, but if **Alias** would like for it to be reopened, she can e-mail me or **Cajun Man**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-in-law-told-my-daughter-to-shut-up/331413.md?page=2)