# My Mother is Trying to Declare Me Dead **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 5, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310 "2003-03-05T19:23:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/1 "2003-03-05T19:23:12Z")
I apologize in advance. This is going to be a little disjointed, because I’m really upset. Some background information: I haven’t seen my parents for about nine or ten years. They’re alcoholics. They subjected me to a great deal of physical and emotional abuse, and I left home as soon as I was legally able to. So I come home from work yesterday, and my partner says to me, “Call my parents house quick! The Ottawa Police are they’re asking about you!” I desperately think what the hell did I do? So I call the house and speak to the officer there. And they were just asking if I was OK. It turns out they were called by the NY state police. So I call the Troopers. They got a call from someone in an insurance company, turns out that my “Mom” was trying to collect life insurance on me! Only she needed a death certificate issued! And so she tried to get one! So I spoke to the Troopers, got everything sorted out with them. The officer told me that they would be investigating this insurance fraud! I still have to call the insurance company, but I expect I can straighten everything out. I hope. So there, “Mom”! I hope you get sent to jail. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/2 "2003-03-05T19:31:58Z")
Damn, that’s pretty harsh. Be glad you got away when you did. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/3 "2003-03-05T19:33:26Z")
When I saw the thread title I thought about the “Thanks Mom for Fucking Up My Credit” thread. I’m sorry to hear about you situation. Any likelyhood of attempting to bury the hatchet after all these years? ---
**Author:** ![John\_Corrado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e4f/32.png) [@John\_Corrado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Corrado)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/4 "2003-03-05T19:37:42Z")
If _my_ mother tried to declare me legally dead so she could collect on my life insurance, **World Eater** , the only likelihood of burying the hatchet would be if I were trying to destroy evidence. ---
**Author:** ![Legomancer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/779978/32.png) [@Legomancer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legomancer)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/5 "2003-03-05T19:41:08Z")
Hey hey. World Eater didn’t say WHERE the hatchet would be buried. Or in whom. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/6 "2003-03-05T19:42:09Z")
Guess that kinda puts the damper on the reunion in a few years. In all seriousness, holy bloody fuck. What in the hell would possess someone to think that this is a good idea? ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/7 "2003-03-05T19:44:33Z")
Some relationships aren’t worth trying to salvage. I’m sorry you have such a poor excuse for a mother, **Skerri**. Noone deserves that sort of person in their lives, much less raising them. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/8 "2003-03-05T19:44:47Z")
This is a catastrophic failure of brains. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/9 "2003-03-05T19:44:57Z")
Stephi, Sorry to hear about this. That is horrible. But John’s post did make me spit coffee over the keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/10 "2003-03-05T19:47:05Z")
Stephi, I am sorry. ut be glad you got out when you did and that you are still “alive”. If you want to blow off some steam we can do a special Ottadope just for you, with martinis and punching bags and shoulders to lean on. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![porcupine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ac91a4/32.png) [@porcupine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/porcupine)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/11 "2003-03-05T19:47:40Z")
When you talk to the insurance company, be sure to tell them you’d like to change the beneficiary on your policy. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/12 "2003-03-05T20:06:00Z")
A-MEN, **porcupine**. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/13 "2003-03-05T20:08:38Z")
We’re going to need some more [halibut](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=167299)… ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/14 "2003-03-05T20:12:00Z")
I guess I watch too much television. I was hoping their boneheaded greed or desperation leads them to do something stupid like declaring you dead, only to get a phonecall from you. At first you are pissed, but they break down, blaming themselves as horrible parents, and then you have a change of heart. You move back in, life is peachy, and you all go on vacation to Disneyworld. I really was hoping this would happen. Damn TV \ ---
**Author:** ![ladydisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@ladydisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladydisco)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/15 "2003-03-05T20:13:44Z")
{{Stephi}} - that’s aweful (and I thought my parents were bad…wait…they are bad). If you should require a cocktail visit or some general cheering up, feel free to send me an email. That’s a pretty crumby thing to have to deal with. I just got off the phone with the NYPD (for work, of course) …eeeeriee ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/16 "2003-03-05T20:32:46Z")
ummmm…maybe you ought to br careful the next few days, **Stephi**. Or months. I just got done read a book on women who murder, & a suprisingly large number of them are involved in insurance fraud. If your Dad wants to take you on a long, lonely drive–_don’t go_. And if you Mom sends you a box of cookies—_flush 'em_. You never can tell what people will do to collect on a life insurance policy. Change your beneficiaries, & tell your folks–_PRONTO!_ ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/17 "2003-03-05T20:35:30Z")
Ok I just got off the phone with the insurance agent. Appearently she had listed me as “missing for 7 years” and they were trying to comfirm that before they paid out the policy. He said that since I now live in Canada, and don’t have any US bank accounts, credit cards etc. it would have almost worked. She very nearly got away with it. I had my passport stolen about 2 weeks ago, and I had to have a new one issued, and that’s what sent up a red flag. I’m just floored, I’m shaking partly because I’m so scared, (I almost got declared dead!) and I’m so angry (I almost got declared dead!) I gave the agent my aunt’s phone number, and he will confirm with them. No, any kind of sympathy I used to have for her is gone. Dead, you might say. ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/18 "2003-03-05T20:43:31Z")
You know, I’m so upset, I forgot to ask “How much?” My parents aren’t listed as any beneficiaries on any of my policies. Hell, I haven’t even spoken to them since I left home. And I don’t wnat to start now. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/19 "2003-03-05T20:43:54Z")
**Stephi** , the opposite of love is not hate, it’s apathy. When you get to the point where you honestly don’t care what happens to them, you’ll be on your way to freedom. (Been there, done that.) I would write them a nicely worded letter, saying that since they are so hot to collect on your death, you will hereby be dead to them. Then shut the door on that one and get on with making a wonderful life for yourself. Good luck…let us know what happens. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/20 "2003-03-05T20:50:37Z")
Beyond changing your beneficiaries, go through every document and “emergency contact” you have (Insurance, Work, at your Doctor’s office, friends, etc) and **remove her from those as well!** The last thing you want is to get into an emergency situation and have them call her, because of some “emergency contact” info that you filled out years ago. So sorry to hear this, Stephi. Perhaps you need to hold a Wake with some friends to mark the “passing” of your parents from your life. Then set it aside, pick yourself up and move on. You have things to do! A Life to live! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310.md?page=2)