# My Mother is Trying to Declare Me Dead **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 5, 2003, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310 "2003-03-05T19:23:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/21 "2003-03-05T20:52:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by porcupine \* > \*\*When you talk to the insurance company, be sure to tell them you’d like to change the beneficiary on your policy. \*\* Of course, that’s assuming it’s really **Stephi** ’s policy. If it’s her parent’s policy (i.e. they are paying the premiums to insure **Stephi** ), she won’t be able to change the beneficiary. Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![CuriousCanuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@CuriousCanuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CuriousCanuck)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/22 "2003-03-05T20:54:38Z")
Hmm… An Irish wake, eh? Sounds good to me! My Guinness, you Kilkenny! You bastards! Let us take you out (for drinks)! ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/23 "2003-03-05T21:02:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stephi \* > \*\* > > My parents aren’t listed as any beneficiaries on any of my policies. Hell, I haven’t even spoken to them since I left home. And I don’t wnat to start now. \*\* I fully understand the rage you must be feeling, but… Since you haven’t spoken to them since you left about 9 or 10 years ago, is it possible that they didn’t know you were still alive? If I hadn’t heard from a child for seven years and had no idea what had happened to them, I might try to collect on their insurance too. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/24 "2003-03-05T21:10:53Z")
Just a quick note from a former life-insurance salesman\*: If **Stephi** ’s parents took out the insurance policy on her, and pay the premiums themselves, **Stephi** can’t do anything about that policy. She might be the insured, but she has no say-so in the administration of that policy. If her parents continue to pay the premiums, they will collect the insurance should anything (God forbid) happen to **Stephi**. Of course, the insurance company is likely going to cancel that policy now based on this event. They tend to frown on people trying to collect by nefarious means. \*I was not a _good_ life-insurance salesman, by any stretch of the imagination, but I was one for a short while nevertheless. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/25 "2003-03-05T21:11:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > \*\* If I hadn’t heard from a child for seven years and had no idea what had happened to them, I might try to collect on their insurance too. \*\* One hopes that if you were interested in what had become of your child, you’d initially think of doing something like hiring a P.I. to trace them. Rather than “Hey, haven’t heard from the kid in seven years. Let’s see if we can collect on her life insurance!” ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/26 "2003-03-05T22:22:51Z")
**Stephi** , I can sympathize! My mom sucked bad, too. She’s been dead for 14 years, and still I’ve been a year and a half in therapy trying to get over my piss-poor excuse for an upbringing! I hope you take someone up on the offers of company and comfort! I’d be happy to do it myself, but I live way too far away:( I hope you can put this all behind you and find peace and happiness. BTW, IMHO, it is **not** necessary to “forgive” in order to move on! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/27 "2003-03-05T22:47:38Z")
Hey, it’s not her fault! Booze is expensive! :rolleyes: If I ever get that addicted to alcohol that I start trying to cash in on an estranged relative’s death, just put a bullet through my head. And one through my liver, just for the sake of poetic justice. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/28 "2003-03-05T23:46:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*_Just a quick note from a former life-insurance salesman_: > > Of course, the insurance company is likely going to cancel that policy now based on this event. They tend to frown on people trying to collect by nefarious means. > > \*I was not a _good_ life-insurance salesman, by any stretch of the imagination, but I was one for a short while nevertheless. \*\* Come on Sauron, you should recall that a life insurance policy is non-cancelable except for non payment of premiums after two years. (and if **Stephi** hadn’t seen her parents for 7 years it is reasonable to expect the policy to be over 2 years old. The parents are possibly looking at insurance fraud charges, which are felonies in most if not all states. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/29 "2003-03-05T23:56:42Z")
**Stephi** , you might be able to get a restraining order placed on the bums. If they are so hot to cash in on your unfortunate demise, maybe a judge would see them as being in a position to want to expedite the process. Nothing says `fuck off’ like a court order. ---
**Author:** ![Venoma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@Venoma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Venoma)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/30 "2003-03-06T00:09:39Z")
Dear god, a bad case of the wrong name. I’m sorry I called you Skerri, Stephi. 🙂 Forgive me! ---
**Author:** ![Exgineer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a88e4f/32.png) [@Exgineer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exgineer)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/31 "2003-03-06T00:28:34Z")
Insurance fraud is a felony in the State of New York. If I read the OP right, that’s where **Stephi** ’s “parents” live. Her “mother” is in for a world of hurt. It’s a well deserved world of hurt, in my opinion, but it’s still a huge world of hurt. Monsterous legal fees and jail, that’s what she’s looking at. I know that you don’t need to hear this, **Stephi** , but my parents are earthly angels. I’m a huge disappointment, but they still offer me support and encouragement. They provived everything they could for me and my brother and sister, and they love us. Maybe you should come down here. They might “adopt” you. Seriously. Dang. I need to go call Mom. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/32 "2003-03-06T00:57:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ivylass \* > **I would write them a nicely worded letter, saying that since they are so hot to collect on your death, you will hereby be dead to them.** {{Stephi}} Be sure to **not** include a return address ! If you’re still not over it by the time of SugarDope[sup]TM[/sup], I’m sure we’ll be able to provide enough support to soften the pain. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/33 "2003-03-06T01:33:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Weirddave \* > \*\*I fully understand the rage you must be feeling, but… > > Since you haven’t spoken to them since you left about 9 or 10 years ago, is it possible that they didn’t know you were still alive? If I hadn’t heard from a child for seven years and had no idea what had happened to them, I might try to collect on their insurance too. \*\* **Stephi** mentioned that she gave the insurance company her aunt’s phone number to help verify that she is alive. If other relatives know she is alive and well, then presumably her parents do also – it seems as if they should have a fairly good idea that she is not in fact “missing.” ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/34 "2003-03-06T02:01:16Z")
**Stephi**. how bright and stubborn is mom? I only ask because it made me think of some people I’ve known who would stride confidently into Court and insist “Well, she’s dead to me!”, refusing to acknowledge any wrong doing. Then blame you for persecuting them and “causing” this trouble. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/35 "2003-03-06T02:43:28Z")
> [@](#): > > Then blame you for persecuting them and “causing” this trouble. …by refusing to be dead. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/36 "2003-03-06T03:13:36Z")
**Chimera** She’s pretty bright and very very stubborn. I can definitely see her doing that. **Eats\_crayons** She knows I’m alive and living in Canada. But she doesn’t know where I live. Thankfully. And yes, it’s her policy, not mine. But the insurance agent seemed very interested to hear what I had to say. ---
**Author:** ![Eats\_Crayons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Eats\_Crayons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eats_Crayons)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/37 "2003-03-06T03:18:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stephi \* > \*\*[ **Eats\_crayons** She knows I’m alive and living in Canada. But she doesn’t know where I live. Thankfully. > \*\* Phew! At least they won’t ever be showing up on your doorstep… Now you’ve got me all paranoid about my pseudo-sister. Not actually related to me, but her immdeiate family sucks, so she also left as soon as she was legally old enough and hasn’t been back (her dad tried to kill her, among other things). My mom and I consider her to be my “sister.” I wonder if her estranged family has ever tought of pulling a similar scam?.. ---
**Author:** ![Flowerchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/858c86/32.png) [@Flowerchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flowerchild)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/38 "2003-03-06T03:44:33Z")
Holy fuck., sorry, I never use that language, but… holy fuck. you should consider havoing a funeral (short u) My cousin invented them, everyone wears black and stuff, and then they each stand up and remember a good time or something. After that you get drunk and eat all those little lunch meat sandwhiches that peoplre bring to funerals. ---
**Author:** ![Fearless\_Freap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e56c9b/32.png) [@Fearless\_Freap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fearless_Freap)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/39 "2003-03-06T03:58:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by zev\_steinhardt \* > \*\*Of course, that’s assuming it’s really **Stephi** ’s policy. If it’s her parent’s policy (i.e. they are paying the premiums to insure **Stephi** ), she won’t be able to change the beneficiary. > > Zev Steinhardt \*\* After this event, I doubt there will be a policy. Sorry to hear about your situation **Stephi**. Keep your chin up and take the advice of moving on and enjoying your life, time won’t erase anything but you will find it sure does help. ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2003, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310/40 "2003-03-06T04:09:32Z")
Well, here’s hoping that the insurance company decides that there isn’t an insurable relationship, and cancels the damn policy. I would be a crying shame if they were able to cash in on some tragedy that befell **Stephi**. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-is-trying-to-declare-me-dead/159310.md?page=3)