# My mother told you I was too brilliant for words. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 10, 2011, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162 "2011-08-10T02:59:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/41 "2011-08-10T20:25:08Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > The post was born of frustration, both that I can’t find a job and the knowledge that she could’ve been so much more. And a fight. Venting somewhere else is how you stay married for 35 years. I know lots of really terrific professional women and I know a lot of terrific moms. I know very few who are both. In fact, most of the balanced, happy professional moms that I know have lots of help. By that, I mean stay-at-home husbands or nannies. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/42 "2011-08-10T20:55:19Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > It’s not all that public. She doesn’t know you and you don’t know her. And I’ve worked to keep it that way. > > The TFB was a bit much, but she was a stay-at-home mom and I was working fulltime+ and going to night school. And the infant twins were still my responsibility from when I got home until I left in the morning. “It’s important that they know their father.” And they were poor sleepers so I was doing all of that on just a couple hours of sleep. But that was 20 years ago so I should probably let it go. > > The scholarship wasn’t held for a year and I’m not sure why she didn’t try again. Instead she became an art history major. > > The post was born of frustration, both that I can’t find a job and the knowledge that she could’ve been so much more. And a fight. Venting somewhere else is how you stay married for 35 years. > > And fercryinoutloud, my mom said that 30 years ago, but I still get reminded of it. Your wife may be whipping out the bitch card re the gas issue, but you are going nuclear on her with the nasty passive-aggressive “you could have been so much more … sigh” business. I realize you feel stressed because of the job issue, but busting on someone by intimating they have not lived their life to your expectations is really, really, nasty. You think you’re justified in this but you’re not. This is the kind of emotional acid that busts marriages when the kids aren’t around to hold it together. You are going to be one sorry soul if you keep this passive aggressive shit up. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/43 "2011-08-10T21:09:39Z")
Yeah, a lot of it is because our financial situation is eating me alive and I’d feel more comfortable if she had a better job. When I wrote the OP I was in a “I’ve spent my life scrambling and she’s spent hers settling–boo hoo” mood. It didn’t reflect well on me, but Pit posts rarely reflect well on the writer. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/44 "2011-08-10T21:20:25Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > **dropzone** , in this and every recent posting you sound drunk and incoherent. I find it a struggle to discern your point, and I don’t remember that about your postings in the past. Today, you also sound very angry. > > I hope you are feeling better soon, and are able to find work. Seconded. Hope you are OK. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/45 "2011-08-10T21:22:19Z")
> [@astro](#): > > Your wife may be whipping out the bitch card re the gas issue, but you are going nuclear on her with the nasty passive-aggressive “you could have been so much more … sigh” business. I realize you feel stressed because of the job issue, but busting on someone by intimating they have not lived their life to your expectations is really, really, nasty. You think you’re justified in this but you’re not. This is the kind of emotional acid that busts marriages when the kids aren’t around to hold it together. > > You are going to be one sorry soul if you keep this passive aggressive shit up. Ditto. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/46 "2011-08-10T21:30:52Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Yeah, a lot of it is because our financial situation is eating me alive and I’d feel more comfortable if she had a better job. . . Dude, a \*lot \*of us would feel more comfortable if we had a better job. That whole, y’know, shitty economy thing I’ve heard something about here and there… ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/47 "2011-08-10T22:07:36Z")
I’m sure she’d feel more comfortable if you had a job at all. Unless you’ve spent the last 35 years asking her to shoulder more of the financial burden, it’s unfair to be pissy with her for not being in a position to now. And if you have been asking to no avail, well… that’s not less problematic. I get that you’re venting, and I hope things get better for you soon, but blaming her (or blaming each other, if that’s the case) now for a situation resulting from 35 years of jointly made decisions really sucks, and certainly isn’t helping. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/48 "2011-08-10T22:25:20Z")
But it felt good to get it off my chest. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162/49 "2011-08-10T23:10:25Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > But it felt good to get it off my chest. Why should I or anyone else give a fuck? This isn’t LiveJournal or whatever the 2011 equivalent is of LiveJournal. I might be a little less annoyed if your OP wasn’t as incoherent as the ramblings of a three sheets to the wind homeless man who’s been drinking Colt 45 all day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-mother-told-you-i-was-too-brilliant-for-words/592162.md?page=2)