# My neighbor wants me to cut his throat. Or give him a hug. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 30, 2017, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621 "2017-01-30T23:24:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2017, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/21 "2017-02-09T01:29:43Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > We called the paramedics anyway. Good! People in distress are often very poor judges of what they need. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2017, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/22 "2017-02-09T11:22:19Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I can only assume the dog rectified the situation by eating the offending pastry? Oh, no, **Sunny Daze** - so full of distain he couldn’t _possibly_ fit another thing in. ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2017, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/23 "2017-02-09T15:30:40Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Good! People in distress are often very poor judges of what they need. And, you know, the company was worried about liability. Paramedics are the canonical cover-your-ass move. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2017, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/24 "2017-02-09T17:58:03Z")
> [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](#): > > And fourthly, how victimised a dog can look when woken by a flying wad of pastry in the head. I’m a bad person. I LOL’d. I also share **si\_blakely’s** problem of esophageal spasms. Rather unpleasant, there’s really no way to describe the feeling of saliva filling up your esophagus and reaching your windpipe. My solution has been to get a glass of water and “power swallow” which normally pushes the obstruction through. When that fails a finger to the back of the throat removes the problem the other direction. Note: This is not medical advice, merely anecdotal data. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/25 "2017-02-10T00:50:00Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > He initially wasn’t buying it, but I explained patiently that since he was still breathing, and showed no signs of stopping, all his desired interventions were contra-indicated. Trachs gone awry are more often deadly; Heimlichs when not needed crack ribs and lacerate livers; and blind probes with my trusty Kelly forceps (of course I have Kelly forceps at home, and NOT to smoke a joint, either!!) could tear tender nerve, artery, or vein tissue. I love your writing style, but did that conversation actually take place? Neighbor: wheeze wheeze can you get your forceps wheeze wheeze and pull this meat out my throat? Qadcop: I’m sorry, your desired intervention is contra-indicated. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/26 "2017-02-10T01:09:57Z")
I can actually imagine him saying those exact words… ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/27 "2017-02-10T15:29:55Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > I can actually imagine him saying those exact words… He is a Mercotan. When he’s not chewing scenery, his vocabulary still demonstrates the intellectual superiority of the entire Mercotan race over mere humanity. [Quote=E. E. “Doc” Smith, Qadgop’s authorized biographer] Fools! Did they think that the airlessness of absolute space, the heatlessness of absolute zero, the yieldlessness of absolute neutronium could stop QADGOP THE MERCOTAN? [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/28 "2017-02-10T16:49:02Z")
Well, that, and I’ve actually met him in real life so I know exactly how he sounds. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/29 "2017-02-10T17:05:08Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > I love your writing style, but did that conversation actually take place? > > Neighbor: wheeze wheeze can you get your forceps wheeze wheeze and pull this meat out my throat? > > Qadcop: I’m sorry, your desired intervention is contra-indicated. What, is the tense wrong? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/30 "2017-02-10T17:07:35Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > He is a Mercotan. When he’s not chewing scenery, his vocabulary still demonstrates the intellectual superiority of the entire Mercotan race over mere humanity. I’m glad you recognize that. From my publicist: “Qadgop the Mercotan slithered flatly around the afterbulge of the tranship. One claw dug into the meters-thick armor of pure neutronium, then another. Its terrible xmex-like nout locked on. Its zymolosely polydactile tongue crunched out, crashed down, rasped across. Slurp! Slurp! At each abrasive stroke the groove in the tranship’s plating deepened and Qadgop leered more fiercely. Fools! Did they think that the airlessness of absolute space, the heatlessness of absolute zero, the yieldlessness of absolute neutronium, could stop QADGOP THE MERCOTAN? And the stowaway, that human wench Cynthia, cowering in helpless terror just beyond this thin and fragile wall…” Cynthia (aka Mrs. Mercotan) and I are still getting along famously these days. We’ve a trip scheduled to the arid wastes of Death Valley in about a week, and while there’s not much neutronium to enjoy, I have become fond of borax. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2017, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/31 "2017-02-10T17:09:21Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > Well, that, and I’ve actually met him in real life so I know exactly how he sounds. True, but I’ve met me too, and I’m not sure how I sound. I am sure how you sound though. Cynthia says “hi!” ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2017, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/32 "2017-02-12T20:43:35Z")
This happens to me; but usually with dry things like rice, or an overly large bite of kay wot wrapped in injera. (Ethiopian food.) It is very disconcerting, especially when you attempt to swallow some fluid to wash it down, and you can feel the fluid pooling up just above the obstruction. Although you can breathe, it feels almost exactly as distressing as if you couldn’t breathe. I can’t imagine getting in a car and driving anywhere under those circumstances, though. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/33 "2017-02-14T05:31:03Z")
> [@Dr\_Paprika](#): > > … > Globus is the anxious sensation of a foreign body, which is what I’d call steak in the throat. Difficulty swallowing is also often caused by esophageal spasm (DES), reflux or achalasia. Sometimes by a bad hiatus hernia, stricture, stenosis or fistula. They used the term globus as one of the diagnosis codes when I had an upper GI 2-3 years back due to worsening GERD symptoms. Shortly before the procedure I had also developed the near-constant sensation of a lump in my throat, so they did a dilation while they were at it because the esophagus had begun to spasm (I don’t recall the details but I think it had not gotten to the point of actually developing a stricture, presumably because the problems hadn’t been going on all that long at the time. I got the paperwork, saw the dx, and being curious, looked it up, and being a bit pissed that it’s coded as a [psychiatric disorder](https://www.supercoder.com/coding-newsletters/my-gastroenterology-coding-alert/reader-question-diagnosis-of-globus-sensation-article)😛 > [@](#): > > The only diagnosis code for globus is globus hystericus (300.11, conversion disorder). How DARE they say it’s all in my head. It was my _throat_ that was imagining things :D. DSM 10’s coding isn’t much better, it’s listed as a somatoform disorder. In any event, globus doesn’t seem the correct diagnosis in the neighbor’s case, unless the steak was purely imaginary. Wouldn’t a better choice be dysphagia, or something indicating the presence of an actual foreign body? ---
**Author:** ![Dr\_Paprika](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr_paprika/32/3042_2.png) [@Dr\_Paprika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr_Paprika)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/34 "2017-02-14T06:57:36Z")
The diagnosis is esophageal foreign body, as I (badly) wrote. If the steak has been swallowed, one often has some transient sensation due to abrasion or inflammation. If the steak never was, it might be globus. The other words are causes of dysphagia including spasm, stricture and achalasia. ---
**Author:** ![Shinna\_Minna\_Ma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f08c70/32.png) [@Shinna\_Minna\_Ma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shinna_Minna_Ma)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/35 "2017-02-14T08:50:17Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > Seriously the neighbor should have called 911, rather than drive himself, but that’s not uncommon for people in a panic to do that. Hey, I drove myself to the hospital while I was having a heart attack. (I didn’t actually know it was a heart attack at the time.) ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/36 "2017-02-14T15:50:16Z")
> [@Shinna\_Minna\_Ma](#): > > Hey, I drove myself to the hospital while I was having a heart attack. (I didn’t actually know it was a heart attack at the time.) I was gonna brag about driving myself to the hospital during a gall bladder attack, but you win. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2017, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621/37 "2017-02-14T19:04:12Z")
I did an emergency first aid course a few weeks ago in which (of course) we briefly covered choking. One guy asked if an emergency tracheotomy was ever the right move. Er, no. Step away from me with that steak knife! If the back blows and abdominal thrusts fail, the patient will probably lose consciousness. Then, of course, you call an ambulance and start CPR. This may help to dislodge the item. Do you still do the rescue breaths? Of course - you might get lucky and blow the obstruction down far enough that one lung can start functioning again (i.e. the obstruction falls below the branch in the windpipe). Attempting an emergency tracheotomy ‘in the field’, even for a medical professional, is likely to result in catastrophic blood loss. All the above of course is for obstructed airway rather than oesophagus. I am not a trained medical professional. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-neighbor-wants-me-to-cut-his-throat-or-give-him-a-hug/778621.md?page=1)