# My new philosophy regarding telemarketers. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 2, 2003, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190 "2003-10-02T19:59:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/21 "2003-10-02T21:39:23Z")
My favorite technique is to become the little devil on the caller’s shoulder. I’ll be polite and play along, but when they ask me a question I’ll answer it and then ask them a question like “C’mon now, do you really like your job? I mean, is this how you pictured your life turning out–sitting there for eight, nine hours a day calling people who aren’t very happy to hear from you. The people you work for aren’t very nice, are they? How much are they paying you? You sound smart–I’ll bet you’re worth more than that! Do they offer health insurance? They don’t! Oh god! How horrible. Listen, it’s clear to me that you’re just a victim of the system. The man is keeping you down. Here’s what you gotta do–you’ve got to subvert the system from within. Here are some tips: you can feed bad information into the system–garbage in, garbage out, you know? You should waste as much time as possible without getting in too much trouble. What do you care? You’re still getting paid the little pittance they’re allowing you! Why don’t you sabotage some equipment or steal office supplies–anything to drain the coffers. And don’t you deserve the odd stapler or post-it note for all the trouble you go to. After all, YOU’re the one making the money for these thieves, right? Here’s a good one–pull the fire alarm at the shift change. Or better yet–can you see your supervisor right now? No? Set a trash can on fire–just a little fire, no big deal. But it will give everyone a break, and you’ll be a hero in front of your co-workers. It’s easy, just strike a match…” ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/22 "2003-10-02T22:14:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cheesesteak \* > \*\*If it’s Omaha Steaks I’ll just ask them to put me on their DNC list. \*\* Am I the only one who thinks it’s funny that someone named **Cheesesteak** doesn’t want to be called by Omaha Steaks? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![GaWd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f08c70/32.png) [@GaWd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaWd)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/23 "2003-10-02T22:14:48Z")
It’s the company liable for the call, not the telemarketer. The DNC’s require purchase from the state or federal regulators. So if you file a complaint, they first need to verify whether or not there was a list purchased, and there is also, AFAIK, a grace period along with that. Onto other things, my favorite tactic with Telemarketers if I’m feeling especially wicked, is called “Let me have you talk to my brother”. It goes something like this: TM-Hello this is so-an-so from Wilson’s Windows ME-Hi… TM-Hello? ME-Hi! TM-Umm, well, Hi, I’m so-and-so. Do you own your own home? ME-Sure. TM-Okay…well, we have a deal for you…blah…blah…Are you interested? ME- Oh, I don’t know, I think you’ll have to talk to my brother… BRO-Hello? TM-Hello this is so-an-so from Wilson’s Windows BRO-Hi there… TM-I have just the deal for you…blah…blah…when would you like us to go out and give you a free estimate? BRO-I think you need to talk to my brother for that… ME-hello? TM-When can we set up a date and time for us to come out there and give you an estimate? ME-Umm, I don’t know…I think you need to talk to my brother for that info… … And on, and on, and on. In a full circle. For many many minutes. Each time we’ve done it, the telemarketer was on the hook for so much longer than any thinking being should have been on. What fun! Sam ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/24 "2003-10-02T22:47:23Z")
"What? You want to sell me vinyl siding? I BURNING YOUR VINYL SIDING!!" ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/25 "2003-10-02T22:56:04Z")
"What? You want to sell me vinyl siding? I BURNING YOUR VINYL SIDING!!" ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2003, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/26 "2003-10-02T23:42:09Z")
:smack: I BURNING YOUR HAMSTERS! ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/27 "2003-10-03T09:35:50Z")
There’s only one method I’ve ever found effective at all. Option 6: Phone sex It works. Trust me. [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=189170&highlight=telemarketers+world](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=189170&highlight=telemarketers+world) ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/28 "2003-10-03T13:33:42Z")
Then again, there’s my favorite. Ask them if they know how to get blood out of carpet. Lots and lots of blood. See how long it takes for them to get uncomfortable and hang up. -Joe, suggests innuendo, so the cops don’t batter down your door. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/29 "2003-10-03T14:37:30Z")
**Merijeek** , that just gave me the perfect phone conversation in my head. Me: Hello? TM: Hi, I’m calling on behalf of [shitty company using telemarketing]. Me: Oh, hi. Hey, hold on a second. [To empty room] No, move the body _onto_ the sheet. Yes, on the sheet. [Back to TM] Sorry 'bout that. TM: Uh…How would you like to save– Me: Do you know how to get blood off carpet? TM: What? Me: Blood. Do you know how to get–[To room again] No, if you don’t use hot water and dry them, the knives will rust. Don’t let blood get in the tang. [Back to TM] What was I saying? Oh, blood in the carpet. Do you know how to remove it? TM: N-no. I’m calling from– Me: [To the room] Get those organs out of here. God, that’s gross. Put them in the freezer or something. No, I don’t think his parents will care that the organs are missing, considering. By this point, I suspect the telemarketer has hung up. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/30 "2003-10-03T14:50:46Z")
Or, you could just do what the FCC suggests… > [@](#): > > Consumers have private recourse against telemarketers that violate FCC telemarketing rules, including the Do-Not-Call requirements. Under federal law, consumers may file lawsuits > against the violators in state courts, and they may be awarded $500 in damages or actual monetary loss, whichever is greater, for each violation. This amount may be tripled if the > consumer is able to show that the telemarketer willfully and knowingly violated the FCC’s Do-Not- Call requirements. . . > > The FCC will not be resolving individual complaints, and cannot award monetary orother damages directly to consumers, but consumers should still report violations of the telemarketing rules. If the FCC receives numerous complaints about a single individual or business, it may impose substantial monetary penalties for violations of the FCC’s telemarketing rules. The FCC encourages consumers who have received such calls to file complaints with the FCC. > Complaints may be filed with the FCC by e-mail ([donotcall@fcc.gov](mailto:donotcall@fcc.gov)) , telephone (voice:1-888-CALL-FCC [1-888-225-5322] , TTY: 1-888-TELL-FCC [1-888-835-5322], or U.S. mail > (Federal Communications Commission, Consumer and Governmental Affairs Bureau, Consumer Inquiries and Complaints Division, 445 12 th Street, SW, Washington, D.C. 20554). [http://hraunfoss.fcc.gov/edocs\_public/attachmatch/DOC-239488A1.pdf](http://hraunfoss.fcc.gov/edocs_public/attachmatch/DOC-239488A1.pdf) ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/31 "2003-10-03T15:19:24Z")
For those who don’t know, my husband has been living in Baltimore for a bit over a year and I won’t be joining him until our daughter graduates from high school. Still, the phone here in Florida is in his name, so I get calls looking for him (or I did before I got caller ID and started ignoring most of the calls) I always know it’s a sales pitch if the caller uses his full first name - no one addresses him that way. Anyway, shortly after he moved north, I got several of these calls that brought out a demon in me. TM: Is \ there, please. FCM: (mustering as close to an emotional voice as possible) Umm, no… he doesn’t live here anymore… (dramatic pause) TM: Oh, sorry. \ I’m not much of an actress, but I think I managed that just-about-to-explode-in-tears tremor rather well. ---
**Author:** ![Khan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3ab097/32.png) [@Khan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khan)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/32 "2003-10-03T16:15:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Airman Doors, USAF \* > \*\*Option 1: Put the phone down and see how long it takes them to hang up. > \*\* I got a telemarketer call just minutes ago. I did just that, remembering this very thread. ---
**Author:** ![epeepunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f19dbf/32.png) [@epeepunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epeepunk)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/33 "2003-10-03T16:40:09Z")
My wife and I have different last names, so when I answer the phone and they ask for Mr. wifeslastname, I can truthfully say that he is not here. My friend developed a wonderful way to deal with them - his father-in-law “happens” to be a whatever they are selling. Vinyl siding, financial advice (actually true and how he started this idea), whatever. ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/34 "2003-10-03T17:38:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DanielWithrow \* > \*\*I’d want to see a cite on that – I’m almost certain that it’s his employer who directs him to make the call who’s breaking the law. While you don’t have to know that a specific act is illegal in order to get collared for doing it, you generally do have to know that you’re doing the act. > > Ignorance of the law is no excuse – but often, ignorance of what you’re doing is. > > If I’m wrong, and if it’s the poor schmuck on the phone who’s breaking the law, I’d love to be corrected. \*\* Yeah, this sort of thing is pretty hard to track down, as I’m not a lawyer. The best I could do was from: [http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/buspubs/tsrcomp.htm](http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/conline/pubs/buspubs/tsrcomp.htm) > [@](#): > > The amended TSR regulates “telemarketing” — defined in the Rule as “a plan, program, or campaign . . . to induce the purchase of goods or services or a charitable contribution” involving more than one interstate telephone call. (The FCC regulates both intrastate and interstate calling. More information is available from [www.fcc.gov](http://www.fcc.gov).) **With some important exceptions, any businesses or individuals that take part in “telemarketing” must comply with the Rule.** Pretty flimsy, I know. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Necros](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/necros/32/11086_2.png) [@Necros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Necros)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/35 "2003-10-03T17:40:23Z")
Also: > [@](#): > > It is a violation of the Rule to substantially assist a seller or telemarketer while knowing – or consciously avoiding knowing – that the seller or telemarketer is violating the Rule. Thus taking deliberate steps to ensure one’s own ignorance of a seller or telemarketer’s Rule violations is an ineffective strategy to avoid liability. The help that a third-party provides must be more than casual or incidental dealing with a seller or telemarketer that is not related to a violation of the Rule. For example, cleaning a telemarketer’s office, delivering lunches to the telemarketer’s premises, or engaging in some other activity with little or no relation to the conduct that violates the Rule would not be enough to support liability as an assistor or facilitator. > > Third parties who do business with sellers and telemarketers should be aware that their dealings may provide a factual basis to support an inference that they know – or deliberately remain ignorant of – the Rule violations of these sellers and telemarketers. For example, a third party who provides sellers or telemarketers with mailing lists, help in creating sales scripts or direct mail pieces, or any other substantial assistance while knowing or deliberately avoiding knowing that the seller or telemarketer is engaged in a Rule violation may be violating the Rule. ---
**Author:** ![hansel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6bbea6/32.png) [@hansel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hansel)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/36 "2003-10-03T17:47:01Z")
In deference to the fact that the person on the phone is a low-paid schmuck who’s probably just trying to pay the rent, I’ll immediately cut them off with a polite “Thank you, I’m not interested.” Most calls I’ve received end with “Thank you for your time, sir. [click]” immediately after that, and no hard feelings all around. If they keep going, though, I hang up, or if I’m in a bad mood, I just go banshee into the phone: “NO! I SAID I WASN’T INTERESTED, AND I’M NOT FUCKING INTERESTED! [click]”. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/37 "2003-10-03T18:03:20Z")
The advantage to treating them badly is that it causes them to be more likely to quit and thus increases the costs of telemarketing. Yes, they are people, but the nicer the job is the longer they’ll work there and the less money they’ll demand. If the job is terrible, they’ll have to continually hire people and have to pay them more to keep them there. My personal strategy is to keep them on the phone as long as possible by sounding like an interested customer. When it comes to the end of the call, I say I’m not interested and ask to be put on the DNC list. This way they waste a lot of time and don’t realize it’s a prank. By saying no thanks and hanging up right away, you only take about 10 seconds of their time which enables them to call lots of people per minute. By taking 5 minutes of their time, you deny them from contacting 20 or 30 people which makes it that much harder to find a sucker—er customer. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/38 "2003-10-03T18:20:24Z")
**Necros** , thanks for the cites! I’m no lawyer, but I’d expect that an employee who isn’t consciously avoiding understanding his boss’s perfidy wouldn’t be liable. In other words, a guy working telemarketing jobs after school in high school (the only telemarketers I ever knew were in this category – thanks anyway, **Shayna** for pointing out that some telemarketers really are jerks) is often neither cognizant nor willfully avoiding cognizance of his employer’s evil. I’m all about **Hansel’s** approach. Give the bastard one chance to get off the phone fast; if they continue trying to sell to you after you make it clear you’re not interested, then by all means freak out at them. That’s not okay. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Gravity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gravity/32/14322_2.png) [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/39 "2003-10-03T18:32:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Airman Doors, USAF \* > \*\*Since the Do-Not-Call list was shot down by some bizarro-thinking judges, I’ve been giving some thought as to what to do when telemarketers call. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far: > > Option 1: Put the phone down and see how long it takes them to hang up. \*\* Hrm. I thought that got reversed or something. Did the reversal get reversed? Re: option 1. It’s my understanding that a lot of telemarketers who have machines that dial for them (big companies) _cannot_ hang up the phone. ---
**Author:** ![ammo52](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@ammo52](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ammo52)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2003, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190/40 "2003-10-03T18:33:02Z")
It seems to have tapered off, but for a while there I was getting bombarded with calls from the big phone services wanting me to switch… ATT, Sprint, MCI, every night. My favorite tactic was to tell the caller, “Sounds good, but we don’t have a phone,” and then just wait. Almost always there was a long, awkward silence while they figured out what the hell to say next. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-new-philosophy-regarding-telemarketers/205190.md?page=3)