# My niece has been raped **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 26, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632 "2009-05-26T00:47:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/41 "2009-05-26T08:29:44Z")
Honestly nothing will screw up his life longer than being convicted of a felony, spending several years in prison & possibly getting put on the sex offender registry. Help your niece get the revenge she deserves by going to the cops. Even if she loses the initial trial, she puts him in the system with a felony sex indictment and dna samples and that record will be here the next time he pulls shit (and he will.) ---
**Author:** ![Thalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f475e1/32.png) [@Thalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thalion)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/42 "2009-05-26T09:36:33Z")
> [@SnugTheJoiner](#): > > So, yes, I know the “proper” way to go about this, but I’m afraid it’s too late: it’s all he-said-she-said now. So I’d like some improper ideas, please. I know that she probably won’t want to press charges even now, but you should know that it certainly isn’t “too late”. I’ve conducted rape investigations with a much larger gap in time and gotten convictions. It’s more difficult, of course, but hardly impossible. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/43 "2009-05-26T09:44:17Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > Even if she loses the initial trial, she puts him in the system with a felony sex indictment and dna samples and that record will be here the next time he pulls shit **(and he will.)** It’s true, unfortunately. It’s why I think the penalties for rape should be much, much more severe. In rapes like this one I do think that _life_ in prison, or even the death penalty, is quite appropriate. From what I’ve heard, the idea that rapists get a really hard time in prison is largely a myth. If the rapist is some wimpy little guy and he raped a 14 year old, yeah he’ll get it. But if the rapist is a true dangerous scumbag and he participated in a gang rape (which is, in many criminal circles, considered to be a great activity) then, guess what he’ll do in prison: rape more people. And when he gets out of prison, guess what he’ll do: rape more people. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/44 "2009-05-26T12:18:05Z")
How about you look into getting the girl some help aka counseling or similar? I hold out no strong hopes that physical evidence is still there, but the emotional and mental ramifications are just beginning–especially with a dickhead of a dad. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Lanzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/74df32/32.png) [@Lanzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lanzy)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/45 "2009-05-26T13:22:39Z")
Please at least go to the MPs, the UCMJ is quite a bit different from a civilian court and justice can still be had even if the civilian DA refuses to prosecute. ---
**Author:** ![emjaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f475e1/32.png) [@emjaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emjaya)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/46 "2009-05-26T13:44:44Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > How about you look into getting the girl some help aka counseling or similar? I hold out no strong hopes that physical evidence is still there, but the emotional and mental ramifications are just beginning–especially with a dickhead of a dad. > ☹ ^This. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/47 "2009-05-26T13:48:13Z")
Talk to your niece, and try to help her understand that her father’s perspective is not the only one; that she has no reason to be ashamed or to fear that her family would be; and that going to the police would be an exercise of justice for herself and for other women. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/48 "2009-05-26T14:18:55Z")
Call the cops. As a citizen, you have an obligation to report a crime. You don’t need your niece’s permission to do this, and you certainly don’t need your brother’s. Forget about hurting anyone’s feelings; think only about the next victim, and how only you can stop it from happening again. Remember the saying about evil prospering when good people do nothing? ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/49 "2009-05-26T14:38:39Z")
Just another vote for reporting it, even now. The code of military justice is pretty harsh and he deserves every ounce of it. ---
**Author:** ![Aangelica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Aangelica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aangelica)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/50 "2009-05-26T14:50:36Z")
I’m also going to recommend that you encourage your niece to go to the appropriate authorities. I’ll also counsel, in the strongest possible terms, that you, yourself take no action against her attacker(s). There’s a very real chance that all that will earn you is a prison sentance of your very own - and then your niece may well wind up feeling responsible for you winding up a convicted felon on her behalf. In short, while beating the ever-loving shit out of her attacker(s) might feel great \*to you \*in the short term, in the long term, there’s little chance it’ll help your niece at all, and every chance it’ll just make matters worse _for her._ So, please don’t. ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/51 "2009-05-26T14:55:15Z")
If he drugged her i think the proof would still be in her system wouldn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/52 "2009-05-26T15:09:30Z")
First, I find it hilarious that if someone starts a thread asking “I have a toothache, can you tell me some home remedies on how to temporarily relieve the pain because my dentist appointment is in a few hours from now and I’m in agony?” that thread will be closed down for asking for medical advice that may expose the SDMB to some liability, but when someone posts “So, yes, I know the ‘proper’ way to go about this, but I’m afraid it’s too late … I’d like some improper ideas, please” the thread stays open. Second, how do we know that what the OP mentions actually happened in the manner described? Everyone is getting very indignant and outraged before even remotely knowing that this story is true. Is anyone corroborating her story? She may have been raped or she may have simply had sex and made up the rape story because her dad is an old-fashioned nutcase (which he seems to be since the OP mentioned that “she was discouraged from [going to the cops] by her father, who didn’t want her to besmirch the family name”. Who the hell thinks being raped “besmirches” the family name anymore?) ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/53 "2009-05-26T15:33:28Z")
You want to take out your frustrations on somebody, go take them out on her cretin of a sperm donor who put the fucking family name over justice. Knock his damned block off. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/54 "2009-05-26T16:16:39Z")
> [@SnugTheJoiner](#): > > I should clarify: my niece was raped three days ago. I did not learn about this until this afternoon. She did not go to the police or complete the rape kit. She was discouraged from doing this by her father, who didn’t want her to besmirch the family name. We couldn’t have that. That’s horrible. But she can still go to the police and get checked out; there could be evidence. There’s nothing to be accomplished for her by _not_ pursuing this. And I’m very sorry for what happened and for her father’s reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Brunhilda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cdc98d/32.png) [@Brunhilda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brunhilda)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/55 "2009-05-26T16:27:14Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > First, I find it hilarious that if someone starts a thread asking “I have a toothache, can you tell me some home remedies on how to temporarily relieve the pain because my dentist appointment is in a few hours from now and I’m in agony?” that thread will be closed down for asking for medical advice that may expose the SDMB to some liability, but when someone posts “So, yes, I know the ‘proper’ way to go about this, but I’m afraid it’s too late … I’d like some improper ideas, please” the thread stays open. > > Second, how do we know that what the OP mentions actually happened in the manner described? Everyone is getting very indignant and outraged before even remotely knowing that this story is true. Is anyone corroborating her story? She may have been raped or she may have simply had sex and made up the rape story because her dad is an old-fashioned nutcase (which he seems to be since the OP mentioned that “she was discouraged from [going to the cops] by her father, who didn’t want her to besmirch the family name”. Who the hell thinks being raped “besmirches” the family name anymore?) I have seen lesser crimes and issues happen, where witnesses refused to say anything because they didn’t want the hassle, or didn’t want the landlord/university housing etc, to know that they weren’t happy. There are folks who are afraid that people will hold it against them. I consider those people to be morally culpable for the problem, to some extent. The father in this case is a douchebag, OP. I’d not hesitate to tell him that at any occasion, at any time. Talk to your niece privately. Can you get your mother to yell some sense into the shit head? ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/56 "2009-05-26T16:37:39Z")
> [@Brunhilda](#): > > I have seen lesser crimes and issues happen, where witnesses refused to say anything because they didn’t want the hassle, or didn’t want the landlord/university housing etc, to know that they weren’t happy. There are folks who are afraid that people will hold it against them. I consider those people to be morally culpable for the problem, to some extent. I’m a bit unclear as to how this is related to what I said, which is: how do we know that events happened as the OP describes them? In fact, how does _he_ know? ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/57 "2009-05-26T16:58:21Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > If he’s convicted that’ll put him on the sex offender registry, get him dishonorably discharged, sent to jail, forfeiture of veteran’s benefits, and possibly the right to vote. Not to mention a 300 pound cellmate named Cletus, who kind of looks down on sex offenders. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/58 "2009-05-26T17:03:59Z")
> [@SnugTheJoiner](#): > > Any ideas? Anyone? I know very little about the rapist except his name and address and the fact that he is (unfortunately) a member of the U.S. armed forces. > > I want to make sure that from now till the end of his days, his existence is a living hell. I need ideas. Any idea short of murder is welcome. > > Please give me ideas. > > Thanks, > > Snug Go directly to the military, rape is so against the UCMJ if she can prove it, they will be more than happy to make his life a living hell. Once they get done with him they will toss him to the civil authorities … and they can make his life a living hell. Hopefully she got a rape kit done, and can figure out how to prove it was nonconsensual … if she reported it to the cops that is great, they tend to do a rape kit and blood tests for various drugs. If not, then it gets twitchy … good luck. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/59 "2009-05-26T17:08:30Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Who the hell thinks being raped “besmirches” the family name anymore?) That’s what pinged my :dubious: radar. I’m not saying that still doesn’t happen, but if he has an 18 year old daughter, the father is about my age. And I can tell you if our 17 year old daugther was raped I’d be talking Ivylad down from the ledge (and locking up the guns) and heading to the hospital and calling the cops. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/60 "2009-05-26T17:11:00Z")
Here’s what I would do, honestly: ONE: Insist that she go to the police. Use the argument that she could spare other girls this shit. TWO: Punch her dad right the fuck out. I am not kidding. Deck him one right on the point of the chin. Don’t say a word to him; he’ll know why he deserves it. THREE: If you can find the military guy alone, punch him the fuck out too, but make it count because he might get up and kick your ass. Worth it, IMO, YMMV. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632.md?page=4)