# My niece has been raped **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 26, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632 "2009-05-26T00:47:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2009, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/101 "2009-05-26T23:19:47Z")
> [@SnugTheJoiner](#): > > Please give me ideas. Next time you get an impulse to share such information, try to remember a message board is the worst venue could have selected. With the exception of receiving feigned sympathy, it’s about as productive as screaming it into a pillow. ---
**Author:** ![dgrdfd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/eb8c5e/32.png) [@dgrdfd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dgrdfd)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/102 "2009-05-27T01:00:41Z")
Regardless of what the parent’s opinion is, I think it’s pretty damned selfish and cowardice of the girl to not press charges. She wants other girls to experience it, too? Hell, the parents ostensibly never went through the rape so in a weird way you can almost understand their lack of understanding, but she supposedly experienced it. Oh, and vigilante justice is so cool. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/103 "2009-05-27T01:11:51Z")
Being a victim can do really weird things to your head. The parents are the ones totally in the wrong here. ---
**Author:** ![Estilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/848f3c/32.png) [@Estilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Estilicon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/104 "2009-05-27T01:34:42Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > Call the cops. As a citizen, you have an obligation to report a crime. You don’t need your niece’s permission to do this, and you certainly don’t need your brother’s. > > Forget about hurting anyone’s feelings; think only about the next victim, and how only you can stop it from happening again. Remember the saying about evil prospering when good people do nothing? Well things seem to work different in Argentina. Rape and sexual abuse are “public felonies with a private instance”. That means that the victim is the only person who can report the crime, but once she reports the crime the wheels of justice start turning with no stop. For example if she reports that the criminal was john and she didn’t report that Peter also raped her, Peter can be prosecuted all the same. The rationale is that the victim should be the one to decide what to do… At least I was taught that at law school and till today I was sure the law made sense) Your post made me think and for that I thank you. To the OP I have no advice save this: be there for your nice and force her to go to counseling. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/105 "2009-05-27T04:30:06Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Maybe she consented to sex with one guy and as raped by his friends (didn’t this happen to a footballer groupie in New Zealand or Australia? There was a thread about it recently, and people seemed pretty willing to accept that she was up for taking on the whole team). > > . This is why a LOT of care has to be taken around accusations of rape. In the case mentioned, yes - an accusation was made against an australian rugby league player for an event that took place in New Zealand. There was a very comprehensive investigation done, and no charges were ever brought against the player in question. So it is very wrong to present it as a “fact” that the lady was raped. Note: apologies for the hijack, and this bears no relationship to the veracity or otherwise of the ops case - it just bugs me when accusations are treated as fact, especially after the police have investigated and found that there is not enough evidence to proceed - such cases should be wiped from public memory for the accused ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/106 "2009-05-27T06:58:06Z")
> [@](#): > > It’s true, unfortunately. It’s why I think the penalties for rape should be much, much more severe. In rapes like this one I do think that life in prison, or even the death penalty, is quite appropriate . I do think that in rapes where the perp is a sociopath, (ie confirmed by psych testing) that they need to be put in a mental hoispital for the criminally insane for life. I know that the “parent” might not just want to face the horifficness of something like this. However, that is sending the message to the victim that it’s not worth it to pursue this. Sorry, but a crime like this…why don’t you ask the mom if her reaction would be the same if an aquiantance had come up and started beating up her daughter? Her daughter is going to need very intense counseling…and not just wishy-washy " a few sessions and then end it" sort of deal. Which IS what will happen, since the daughter will have been convinced that she really doesn’t need that much counseling. You know…maybe a good idea might be to report this to the scumbag’s CO. Suggest that maybe he may need to be psychologically reevaluated. It’s possible that he may have done something like this before, and so have a record. It’s probaly incredibily rare for someone not a sociopath to do something like this. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 9:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/107 "2009-05-27T09:16:52Z")
> [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](#): > > . > You know…maybe a good idea might be to report this to the scumbag’s CO. Bad, bad, bad, bad advice IMO. Be prepared to be sued for libel/slander/defamation if you do this. You can’t go around telling someone’s coworkers that they are a rapist and not get your arse hauled into court. Unless you’ve got a lot of money and a lot of evidence (inlcuding your niece’s testimony) behind you do not accuse anyone of rape. It’s not the sort of thing the accused can ignore and the compensation if you lose could vary from nothing to the whole farm. Even if you are happy to go to court with this it makes more sense to initiate a suit against him. That way if you win you get somehting. This way he sues you and you get nothing even if you do win. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/108 "2009-05-27T10:09:36Z")
> [@SnugTheJoiner](#): > > I want to thank everyone for their thoughts and constructive ideas, and yes, even criticism–when it was constructive. You others know who you are. > > Things aren’t going well here. I have tried to convince my sister (who is the only one I have been able to speak with about this) to get my niece to go to the authorities. I am now being fed a line of shit about how my niece “has to handle this her own way” and that I “need to respect her decision”–which is of course NOT her decision, but that of her parents. They’ve told her not to press charges and they’re going to hush the whole thing up and get her some “counseling.” My sister will not let me speak to my niece or ex-husband. She will not tell me the rapists’ names. “We have to put this behind us and get on with our lives.” > > Of course, the rapists will be able to get on with theirs, too. > > This is unfathomable to me. There was a time when people would stand up and fight for their children, to the death if necessary. Now it’s easier to pay a stranger to pretend to be their child’s friend and listen while she cries. > > I have not seen my niece’s self-righteous douchebag father for many years–I don’t even know where he lives, and no one’s telling me–but I ever meet him in the flesh again, things will not go well for him. > > I fucking hate this world sometimes. > > If the situation changes, which is unlikely, I’ll let you all know. In the meantime, let’s close this thread, please. All I can say is, there seems to be more to the situation than meets the eye. You are not being told the whole story. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/109 "2009-05-27T10:35:49Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > Being a victim can do really weird things to your head. The parents are the ones totally in the wrong here. The “wrong” that the parents did here happened a long time ago. This kid will need to be professionally deprogrammed. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/110 "2009-05-27T12:19:05Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > Next time you get an impulse to share such information, try to remember a message board is the worst venue could have selected. With the exception of receiving feigned sympathy, it’s about as productive as screaming it into a pillow. I think, overall, this thread has gone much better than I imagined it would when first reading the OP. There were a number of useful suggestions including 1. Talk to the niece 2. Get her to take the morning after pill (effective up to 4 days) 3. Get her to go to the police, the trail’s not cold. 4. A good interrogator can piece together and get a suspect to flip on his other raper companions. 5. Deal with the family situation first and foremost. 6. Be there for his niece. Yeah, none of these good suggestions involved busting down the doors of the barracks with a bazooka and shoving a 50,000 volt tazer up the anus of the guys who did this to her, so they may not be suggestions that the OP’s really looking for. There were useful suggestions, nevertheless. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/111 "2009-05-27T12:37:31Z")
> [@dgrdfd](#): > > Regardless of what the parent’s opinion is, I think it’s pretty damned selfish and cowardice of the girl to not press charges. She wants other girls to experience it, too? Hell, the parents ostensibly never went through the rape so in a weird way you can almost understand their lack of understanding, but she supposedly experienced it. > > Oh, and vigilante justice is so cool. Bullshit. Its heroic if she chooses to press charges…but few of us are heroes. You try being raped and then see if you want to go through the ringer of a court case. Because a court case means having shit thrown at you for months and having to relive it over and over again. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/112 "2009-05-27T13:06:20Z")
> [@](#): > > If your niece can name others involved in the rape, and we’re talking about a bunch of young men here with no experience in the criminal justice system, it’s very likely that a good interrogator can get one to confess, which will go a long way towards shoring up the case even without physical evidence. > > She should report it. The honor of her family name will be in her role in saving some future young woman from being this guy’s next victim. I know this is late and the neice isn’t coughing up info due to douchebag parental units, but this is sound advice for future reference. One guy committing a crime can keep his yap shut, any others doing something like this and someone will spill the beans on someone else. The damage being done by the parents and their [anachronistic](http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anachronistic) way of thinking will cause further damages for possibly the rest of her life and her own children’s lives ( should she ever go near men again.) The message the parental units have implanted into her subconscious is that she brought this upon herself , she isn’t worthy of compassion, decency and the like, but most of all, the family name is more important than doing the right thing. Hopefully, when she comes out of this horrible time, with the help of a good therapist, she will tell her parental units to DIAF. _Parents are suppose to support, protect and nurture their children_. These asses have done neither and don’t deserve her. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/113 "2009-05-27T14:25:17Z")
My suggestion is follow him. Find out when he is alone. Jump him and cut his balls off. Excuse me for not being sufficently pedantic to join the discussion on definitions of “violated”. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/114 "2009-05-27T15:00:24Z")
> [@dgrdfd](#): > > Regardless of what the parent’s opinion is, I think it’s pretty damned selfish and cowardice of the girl to not press charges. She wants other girls to experience it, too? Hell, the parents ostensibly never went through the rape so in a weird way you can almost understand their lack of understanding, but she supposedly experienced it. > > Oh, and vigilante justice is so cool. Is this a whoosh (based on the last bit)? Because if you’re actually serious with that first bit, you are a fucking idiot. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/115 "2009-05-27T15:10:43Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > The point should also be made to her that if she doesn’t report him. he’ll do it to somebody else. Yes. Thank you for pointing that out! ---
**Author:** ![Kiber](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kiber/32/317_2.png) [@Kiber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiber)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/116 "2009-05-27T15:18:53Z")
> [@SnugTheJoiner](#): > > . . . The rapist was an acquaintance. He drugged her, then violated her, then invited friends to partake. I really don’t know anything about rape. But this part sure doesn’t sound like a first-timer to me. It sure sounds like he knew what he was doing and planned it. So another argument for getting her to the authorities might be that it’s likely he’s done this before, and therefore there may be others with similar stories to tell. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/117 "2009-05-27T15:19:30Z")
> [@Blake](#): > > Bad, bad, bad, bad advice IMO. > > Be prepared to be sued for libel/slander/defamation if you do this. You can’t go around telling someone’s coworkers that they are a rapist and not get your arse hauled into court. Highly doubtful in this case. The person doing the suing would have to prove the allegation wasn’t true and that the accuser KNEW it wasn’t true. The plaintiff would also be subject to deposition and questioning under oath, as would all his co-rapo buddies. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/118 "2009-05-27T15:54:37Z")
> [@TV\_time](#): > > My suggestion is follow him. Find out when he is alone. Jump him and cut his balls off. This sounds like a good way to get killed. ---
**Author:** ![Mikkel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikkel/32/13151_2.png) [@Mikkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mikkel)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/119 "2009-05-27T15:59:35Z")
I’ll cast my vote for not taking the law into your own hands. If several people was involved in the crime there is a chance that there are witnesses who could testify, someone could have known or have been invited without participating. Could you pay a private investigator to find witnesses? Would you go to the police even if your sister and perhaps your niece don’t want it? Good luck anyway to you and your niece. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2009, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632/120 "2009-05-27T16:02:13Z")
For the OP – [here’s](http://www.justicewomen.com/help_special_rape.html) a link to some very practical advice for your niece should she decide to pursue this with the police. It doesn’t sugar coat anything, but it shouldn’t scare her from the process, either. Probably some info in there that you’ll find useful, too. The article recommends having a good friend/family member/advocate accompany you (the victim of rape) to the doctor, for meetings, etc. Send her the link and tell her that you can be that person, if need be. If the rapists really are part of her social circle, believe me, she is going to need all the friends she can get, even if she doesn’t press charges. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-niece-has-been-raped/497632.md?page=7)