# My OCD flatmate makes me check his car's windows **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2016, 10:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875 "2016-04-11T10:38:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/21 "2016-04-11T21:16:57Z")
From an OCD perspective, is there a clinical reason why his OCD compulsion is better satisfied with someone else checking the windows? Is he more likely to believe someone else saying the windows are up as opposed to he himself checking it? I’m surprised he’d be okay with someone else checking. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/22 "2016-04-11T21:43:07Z")
I can only speak as someone who used to check, but not the OP’s room mate and probably not as bad: multiple checks were because I couldn’t remember if I truly checked. I remembered going back to check the door lock, but not whether I _actually_ checked. Or maybe in checking the stove, it was turned back on, and so now I wasn’t sure what state it was in. My reliance on someone else checking: I don’t know if that will assuage the compulsion, but I guess it means that he has a high opinion of JohnClay’s diligence. With OCD people generally recognize that their thoughts and/or behaviors are irrational, but can’t shut them off. If the OP says that the windows are okay, then it’s good enough for flatmate. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/23 "2016-04-11T21:49:20Z")
> [@somepumpkin](#): > > Rhetorical: Why do you have to touch them? Isn’t a visual inspection enough confirmation? :dubious: So he can see that the glass windows are closed. Sometimes it might be hard to tell if the glass windows are up since they are transparent. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/24 "2016-04-11T21:51:13Z")
> [@filmore](#): > > From an OCD perspective, is there a clinical reason why his OCD compulsion is better satisfied with someone else checking the windows? Is he more likely to believe someone else saying the windows are up as opposed to he himself checking it? I’m surprised he’d be okay with someone else checking. He also gets me to check the front door, freezer door, stove and oven. He doesn’t trust himself that he’s checked it properly. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/25 "2016-04-11T21:53:57Z")
If the OP was as cruel as I am he’d come back and report “They’re up. At least I \*think \*they’re up. Hmmm. … Now I’m not so sure. Come to think of it one was only mostly up. … I think. You’d better go check; I’m just not sure any more.” He’ll be ready for a padded cell with just a couple weeks of this treatment. Bonus points if his name’s on the lease & utilities so you can quit paying and leave him with the problems when the Sheriff shows up to evict. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/26 "2016-04-11T21:57:47Z")
LSLGuy: My flatmate watches my finger to see that it is hitting something physical as well as asking me for 2-3 times per window ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2016, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/27 "2016-04-11T22:12:42Z")
Not trying to be insulting, but IMO if you put up with this you’re crazier than he/she is. I hope this person is your preferred gender & good in bed. Or is a truly amazing cook. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![JerrySTL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e274bd/32.png) [@JerrySTL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerrySTL)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/28 "2016-04-12T01:50:59Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > You ever consider putting all his windows down, just to fuck with him? I like that! Moving the car would be fun also. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/29 "2016-04-12T01:53:03Z")
I get some people have OCD and it’s a mental illness but why would you indulge this sort of nonsensical request more than once? Is there some amusement value for you in this. Also, if he has a wife why are they sharing apartment space with you and another guy? Is housing in your area that expensive? This setup seems weird on multiple levels. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/30 "2016-04-12T01:54:24Z")
Wait, I’m not sure I’m getting the picture here. Your flatmate asks you to check the car windows, then accompanies you out to the car to stand by your side and watch you as you poke your fingers at the window? Or he stays inside your flat and watches out the window as you go out to the car? But he asks you several times for each window – so he goes out there with you? Or you have walkie-talkies? ETA: And you have another flatmate, and your OCD has a wife as well? You live in this flat with your OCD flatmate and his wife and another flatmate? And your OCD flatmate tells you that his wife and other flatmate won’t check his windows for him – Do the wife and other flatmate tell you themselves that they won’t check his windows? This whole story is estrange. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/31 "2016-04-12T05:51:50Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Wait, I’m not sure I’m getting the picture here. > > Your flatmate asks you to check the car windows, then accompanies you out to the car to stand by your side and watch you as you poke your fingers at the window? Exactly. Often it is night time. He also asks me if the windows are up. He is worried someone will steal his car. > [@](#): > > ETA: And you have another flatmate, and your OCD has a wife as well? You live in this flat with your OCD flatmate and his wife and another flatmate? And your OCD flatmate tells you that his wife and other flatmate won’t check his windows for him – Do the wife and other flatmate tell you themselves that they won’t check his windows? This whole story is estrange. He is my brother-in-law and there are 2 couples in the house. It is 2 stories high and his wife often cooks the dinner. She is also 4 months pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/32 "2016-04-12T05:57:32Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Not trying to be insulting, but IMO if you put up with this you’re crazier than he/she is. I hope this person is your preferred gender & good in bed. Or is a truly amazing cook. Or something. He is pretty crazy… he hears voices a lot - it stopped him from watching the new Star Wars DVD. He goes through a huge amount of toilet paper and apparently his butt gets raw. I pay for the toilet paper. He gets his wife to pray that he can have a cigarette. He can only drive one suburb away. Even though he is a Christian he is too worried to go to church. (I’m a weak atheist but I go to church sometimes - I like having discussions about Christianity). ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/33 "2016-04-12T06:20:11Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > LSLGuy: My flatmate watches my finger to see that it is hitting something physical as well as asking me for 2-3 times per window Go outside and tap the car windows for him. Then, when you come back in, do the mime-in-a-glass-box thing. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/34 "2016-04-12T06:24:59Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > WAG-the OCD kicks in if he checks but not if someone else checks. If he’s asking someone else to check, repeatedly, _the OCD has already kicked in_. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/35 "2016-04-12T07:34:26Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Exactly. Often it is night time. He also asks me if the windows are up. He is worried someone will steal his car. By doing this for him, repeatedly, you are being what is called an **enabler**. Like the guy who buys booze for an alcoholic. You are re-enforcing his OCD behavior, and reducing his chance of recovering from this mental illness. His wife & your other flatmate have recognized this, and, by refusing, are trying to help his recovery. But you are sabotaging that. Stop this! ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/36 "2016-04-12T08:50:27Z")
My wife wanted to see her friend at the shops but her brother was busy and wanted to go later. He said to her “Do you care more about X than your own brother?” This convinced her to not go. I’m worried that he might get upset with me in a similar way if I didn’t want to check his windows. BTW the last time it happened he said “come down for 2 minutes” and wouldn’t say why. Then once I had gone downstairs I thought that I might as well do it. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/37 "2016-04-12T13:03:13Z")
In all seriousness, you are feeding a sickness. You are contributing to a person’s illness. **You are making your flatmate more sick and you need to stop. You are hurting him. You are not being a good friend. Stop doing what you are doing. You are not helping him. Stop doing what you are doing. Stop doing what you are doing.** ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/38 "2016-04-12T13:41:22Z")
ETA: Shoulda refreshed. \*\*Johny Bravo \*\*wasn’t there when I loaded the page. IANA a psychologist or psychiatrist. But … You said he “hears voices”. That’s not a symptom of OCD. That’s a symptom of more severe mental illness. The type that really, really needs professional help. If he’s not getting it, then all 4 (yes, 4) of you are letting this guy down. I take back my playful comments about screwing with this guy. He’s family and he’s got severe problems. He needs your support. Which is given by you ensuring he gets proper care and stays on his meds and other therapies. It’s not given by you enabling his OCD symptoms by giving in to them. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/39 "2016-04-12T19:19:05Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I’m a weak atheist Jogging will help the leg muscles and improve overall cardiovascular fitness but probably won’t benefit you much here. And has already been noted, stop enabling your flatmate’s condition. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2016, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875/40 "2016-04-12T19:29:28Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > He goes through a huge amount of toilet paper and apparently his butt gets raw. How is your butt? Is your butt raw? You should have your OCD flatmate check your butt for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-ocd-flatmate-makes-me-check-his-cars-windows/751875.md?page=3)