# My old friend just went to jail for killing his baby. how would you feel? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 7, 2011, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939 "2011-10-07T21:08:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![MadTheSwine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/41 "2011-10-08T17:46:19Z")
> [@mister\_mistro](#): > > My question is how would you react to this if your friend did something like this? A friend of mine(was actually the best man at his wedding,since divorced) is serving 30-90 years for killing his GF’s 2 year old. I was not surprised when I heard the news. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/42 "2011-10-08T17:49:40Z")
> [@MadTheSwine](#): > > A friend of mine(was actually the best man at his wedding,since divorced) is serving 30-90 years for killing his GF’s 2 year old. > I was not surprised when I heard the news. You were friends with someone who you thought was capable of killing a child? I have to know what about him made him an appealing friend. Extra large TV? Season tickets to [insert sports team of your choice]? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/43 "2011-10-08T17:53:30Z")
> [@MadTheSwine](#): > > A friend of mine(was actually the best man at his wedding,since divorced) is serving 30-90 years for killing his GF’s 2 year old. > I was not surprised when I heard the news. So you’re out a sitter? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/44 "2011-10-08T18:09:58Z")
If I heard a friend had gone to jail for killing his baby, I’d want to know more information. Like others have said, forgetting a baby in a car is not the same as abusing one to death. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/45 "2011-10-08T18:41:38Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > If I heard a friend had gone to jail for killing his baby, I’d want to know more information. Like others have said, forgetting a baby in a car is not the same as abusing one to death. I think it is the _exact_ same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/46 "2011-10-08T18:49:44Z")
How is it exactly the same thing? Forgetting a sleeping baby in the car seat isn’t the same thing as tossing a baby through a window. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/47 "2011-10-08T18:53:38Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > I think it is the _exact_ same thing. I can see your point, and I don’t totally disagree with it. On the other hand, there is no intent to hurt if the baby is forgotten as there is if a baby is beaten to death. ETA: Although the result remains the same. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/48 "2011-10-08T18:57:43Z")
How would you feel if someone posted something confusing and then didn’t come back to explain it? ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/49 "2011-10-08T19:05:30Z")
Did they forget to come back and explain, or did they do it on purpose? ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/50 "2011-10-08T19:05:32Z")
My response would depend on the circumstances. Did he kill the baby in a fit of rage? Okay, he needs to serve his sentence and get some help after coming out. Did he kill the baby because he never wanted children and his wife, girlfriend, or one-night stand refused to get an abortion and insisted on having the baby? I would give him a fracking medal and tell the so-called mother what happened was everything she deserved. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/51 "2011-10-08T19:08:25Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > How is it exactly the same thing? Forgetting a sleeping baby in the car seat isn’t the same thing as tossing a baby through a window. forgetting a baby in a car is not the same as **abusing one to death.**. Bolding mine. Forgetting a baby in a car is gross negligence, a clear form of child abuse. Now leaving that baby in a car until they die is perpetuating that abuse until the death of the child. So I draw no distinctions between the phrases “forgetting a baby in the car and the baby dies” and “abusing a baby to death”. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/52 "2011-10-08T19:16:28Z")
Man, you’d make a mighty fine lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eyebrows_0f_doom/32/3119_2.png) [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eyebrows_0f_Doom)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/53 "2011-10-08T19:22:13Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I would give him a fracking medal and tell the so-called mother what happened was everything she deserved. Hmm, I thought only “adopters” were “so-called mothers” and that the actual birth mothers were the only ones you want to be called “mothers.” All the crazy is so confusing. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/54 "2011-10-08T19:25:32Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > Hmm, I thought only “adopters” were “so-called mothers” and that the actual birth mothers were the only ones you want to be called “mothers.” > > All the crazy is so confusing. The word mother should never be used in context for anyone that would have a child irresponsibily. Oh, and adopters are far more viler in my opinion than so-called mothers. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/55 "2011-10-08T19:27:24Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Forgetting a baby in a car is gross negligence, a clear form of child abuse. No, it’s not. All parents have momentary lapses of attention. Most of the time those lapses of attention don’t lead to tragic consequences. However, occasionally unlucky circumstances transform temporary thoughtlessness into a horrible outcome. Forgetting the baby in the back seat, not double-checking before backing out, forgetting to latch the window in the nursery, turning your back on the boiling pot on the stove – there are many, many ways for a parent’s unintentionally neglectful act to result in death or horrible injury. Comparing these tragic lapses in attention to deliberate abuse is both cruel and dangerous … dangerous because it encourages parents who love and cherish their kids to have an “It can’t happen to me!” attitude. In fact, such accidental horrors can happen to _any parent_ given the wrong circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/56 "2011-10-08T19:28:35Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > forgetting a baby in a car is not the same as **abusing one to death.**. > > Bolding mine. > > Forgetting a baby in a car is gross negligence, a clear form of child abuse. Now leaving that baby in a car until they die is perpetuating that abuse until the death of the child. So I draw no distinctions between the phrases “forgetting a baby in the car and the baby dies” and “abusing a baby to death”. So there’s no difference between forgetting a baby in the car, and the baby dies of heat stroke or whatever, and intending to toss the baby though a TV set but not intending the baby to actually die? Same crime in your view? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/57 "2011-10-08T19:37:11Z")
Oh, and as for the OP, it would depend a great deal on the circumstances. The fact that whatever he did resulted in jail time would certainly give me pause – that suggests something more than just a horrible accident or a momentary lapse in judgement. If his actions suggested real neglect or cruelty then that would mark the end of our friendship. He clearly wasn’t as nice a guy as he seemed to be. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/58 "2011-10-08T19:39:12Z")
[awaiting clarification] ---
**Author:** ![The\_Hamster\_King](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@The\_Hamster\_King](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Hamster_King)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/59 "2011-10-08T19:42:56Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I would give him a fracking medal and tell the so-called mother what happened was everything she deserved. And what about the dead baby? What did she deserve? Death, apparently, for the inconvenience she created for her father. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2011, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939/60 "2011-10-08T19:44:53Z")
> [@The\_Hamster\_King](#): > > And what about the dead baby? What did she deserve? > > Death, apparently, for the inconvenience she created for her father. :rolleyes: Please, let’s not engage her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-old-friend-just-went-to-jail-for-killing-his-baby-how-would-you-feel/598939.md?page=4)