# My Oldest Daughter Worries Me (long) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 29, 2007, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-oldest-daughter-worries-me-long/397959 "2007-03-29T12:52:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-oldest-daughter-worries-me-long/397959/21 "2007-03-29T17:35:27Z")
Sorry to hear that you are dealing with this. As Phlosphr pointed out, Borderline personality patients are known to be very frustrating for even the trained professionals to deal with, so it is no wonder that you’re so upset about this. Did you see this thread that was posted a while back by other people with borderlines in the family? [Borderline Personalities and Familiy Relationships - In My Humble Opinion - Straight Dope Message Board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=374072) I’m sure that it’s hard to see a loved one making such mistakes, but she needs to want to get better. There is only so much that you can do for a grown adult regardless of how much you love her. > [@](#): > > Her shrink doesn’t want her getting the shots, because of mood swings, and because of weight gain. What did the shrink suggest instead? Perhaps it might be worth trying to talk her into something like an IUD? As disturbing as it is that she is with the Jerk, perhaps there is a silver lining to it in that he may not want to start over with another baby at his age, and that might be the main reason she hasn’t turned up pregnant yet. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-oldest-daughter-worries-me-long/397959/22 "2007-03-29T18:01:39Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] Wow. Where the hell did that come from? [/QUOTE] Until I read the OP’s response I didn’t know squat about the Jerk’s dad. He raised this man, and sometimes the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I gathered that the Jerk’s dad was OK with his (36 year old) son dating a 16 year old and I had this picture in my head of, you know, of some dirty old man with no morals. The last fricken place I’d end up if I was dating a 16-19 year old would be back at my dad’s house. I’d have to stop at the emergency room to get the shoe out of my ass. I’m glad the OP thinks the Jerk’s dad is a non-threat. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-oldest-daughter-worries-me-long/397959/23 "2007-03-29T18:29:30Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > What did the shrink suggest instead? Perhaps it might be worth trying to talk her into something like an IUD? She’s had several appointments made with the health dept. to talk about her birtch control options. She blew them off so many times that they won’t give her another appt. She claims to be using condoms, but I don’t know how consistently she uses them. She’s been on the pill, but she’s no better at taking them every day than taking her other meds. I think an IUD would be great. I wonder if you can buy a do-it-yourself kit on eBay? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-oldest-daughter-worries-me-long/397959/24 "2007-03-29T18:39:12Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > You don’t say so but I bet you have been stung by people around you who think it is all your fault. Let me offer some support there – sure parents make a difference in kids’ lives, but children are definitely people with distinct personalities in their own right, and sometimes all the parenting skills in the world don’t matter. I meant to address this earlier, then got distract-ooooh, look, shiny! 😛 Anyway, we’ve been involved with a _lot_ of professionals over the years, and every single one of them has told us that they don’t see that we’ve done anything wrong at all. She’s just ‘broken’. I did write a somewhat angry editorial in our neighborhood association newsletter about parental blame, though. Everything you see about how to raise a good kid seems to give the same message: kids whose parents raise them right don’t end up doing drugs, drinking, smoking, joining gangs (yeah, she did that, too), dropping out of school, on and on. I know as well as anyone that being an involved parent _helps_. But I wanted to put the word out there that you _cannot_ assume that every juvenile delinquent you see is the product of an uncaring home. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2007, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-oldest-daughter-worries-me-long/397959/25 "2007-03-29T19:20:50Z")
[QUOTE=norinew] …I think an IUD would be great. I wonder if you can buy a do-it-yourself kit on eBay? 😉 [/QUOTE] It’s just possible that she _does_ already have an I.U.D., but, you know, she likes to provide something to worry you. OK, perhaps not, but it’s a possibility. And it all sounds altogether dreadful, so I hope you and the rest of the family do get some good times without being under constant pressure like this. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-oldest-daughter-worries-me-long/397959.md?page=1)