# My Patent has been Granted!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 8, 2001, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798 "2001-05-08T20:19:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/1 "2001-05-08T20:19:04Z")
Yes, I now have a Patent. It’s # 6,226,081 – “Optical Height of Fill Detection System and Associate Methods”. We filed the original application over three years ago (There are four of us on this one). The wheels of government grind slowly. It is typical that I found out about this not from the Patent Office, not from the government, not from my fellow applicants, but from a company that evidently monitors the patent grants so that they can send out offers of coffee mugs and T-shirts commemmorating the event. I’ll bet I never hear about it from anyone else. But who cares, I’ve got a patent! Only a zillion to go before I catch up to my uncle. (I still have a few applications in the pipe, so there’s hope yet.) Please note that this has nothing to do with my Book, my Teemings writings, or my current job. I am one diffuse Renaissance Man. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/2 "2001-05-08T20:31:53Z")
Go Cal! So what the hell is it, anyway?🙂 Come on, you knew someone was going to ask. ---
**Author:** ![Spritle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Spritle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spritle)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/3 "2001-05-08T20:33:02Z")
Congratulations 😃 Mazel Tov ;j ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/4 "2001-05-08T20:45:23Z")
**CURSE YOU MEECHAM!!** You’ve won _THIS_ round! Sure, you got your patent! But you had the help of your assistant, the four-eyed Joe Wilson, the leggy Dr. Ruth Adams, and most sinister of all – the giant foreheadded alien, Exeter!! While I, the _EVIL_ Professor Inky was forced to work in seclusion, deep below the Earth’s crust in my Science Pit[sup]TM[/sup] with only cockroaches and my own solvent fume induced hallucinations to keep me company! But someday… _someday_ I will get **MY** patent! And the world will shudder at the revelation of… **THE VIBRO-PANTIES!!!** (Thunder clap) MWHUH HA HA HA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/5 "2001-05-08T20:56:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Inky- \* > But someday… _someday_ I will get **MY** patent! And the world will shudder at the revelation of… **THE VIBRO-PANTIES!!!** Hate to burst your bubble, Inky-, but they’ve been done already: [http://www.goodvibes.com/toys/innovations.html?BASKETID=00\_3af85f61dfcb4](http://www.goodvibes.com/toys/innovations.html?BASKETID=00_3af85f61dfcb4) (about 1/4 of the way down the page and yes, I own a pair) Congratulations on your patent, Cal! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/6 "2001-05-08T21:11:42Z")
_ **CURSES!!** _ Foiled again! ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/7 "2001-05-08T21:22:40Z")
Let’s see…four inventors…one with several patents and pending applications…one with two patents and one pending application…one with one patent and one possible pending application…one with one patent and evidently no pending applications. So which one are you, **Cal**? ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/8 "2001-05-08T21:41:24Z")
Hang one one bloody minute! \*\* “Optical Height of Fill Detection System and Associate Methods”\*\*…!?! If this thing is only a little transparent window on the side of a coffee maker, so you know how much water you’ve put in it, I’ll pimp slap you. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/9 "2001-05-08T21:44:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CalMeacham \* > **"Optical Height of Fill Detection System and Associate Methods"** I had no idea you could patent “Yup, looks full to me.” 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/10 "2001-05-08T21:52:53Z")
I’m starting to suspect Cal’s full of something… ---
**Author:** ![AETBOND417](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/47e85d/32.png) [@AETBOND417](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AETBOND417)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/11 "2001-05-08T21:59:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Inky- \* > \*\*I’m starting to suspect Cal’s full of something… \*\* We could use his invention to find out (optically, that is). ---
**Author:** ![Sue\_Duhnym](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@Sue\_Duhnym](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sue_Duhnym)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/12 "2001-05-08T22:11:30Z")
No shit? That’s cool! Congrats! Who’s your Uncle, Tesla? [sub]Who’s your Uncle, Baby? Who’s your Uncle?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![waterj2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/858c86/32.png) [@waterj2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/waterj2)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/13 "2001-05-08T22:14:12Z")
Just to prove Cal’s not full of it: [http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US06226081\_\_](http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US06226081__) And for all to gaze on its wonder (well, his head’s not big enough yet). ---
**Author:** ![Inky\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7feea3/32.png) [@Inky\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inky_1)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2001, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/14 "2001-05-08T23:01:17Z")
Cal’s trying to put Laverne and Shirley out of a job!! ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/15 "2001-05-09T00:34:04Z")
Wow, a lot of responses. I wish we could’ve patented a tube or a window. It would’ve ben easier. But it would be embarassing to dmit that it took four of us to think it up. > [@](#): > > Patent Office employee checking in… > Let’s see…four inventors…one with several patents and pending applications…one with two patents and one pending application…one with one patent and one possible pending application…one with one patent and evidently no pending applications. > > So which one are you, Cal? > > * * * Uhh…, I don’t know. I thought I had one patent and three pending, but that doesn’t fit any of those. How didja find out that information, BTW. You can e-mail me with the info, if you don’t want it public. My real nme’s “Wilk”, if you’re curious. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Rhosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sir\_Rhosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Rhosis)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/16 "2001-05-09T05:10:59Z")
Congratulations Cal, I’m trying my damndest to think of an interociter one-liner, but nothing is bubbling to the surface. Inky has put us all to shame. Hey, just thought of a terrible one–It stands to Reason that you would be granted a patent. May all your Rhodes lead to riches, may you be the Rex of your… ah, I’m gonna give it up, especially since I can’t remember which of the two acting brothers is which. Again, my sincere congratulations. Sir Rhosis ---
**Author:** ![Cerowyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/82dd89/32.png) [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 6:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/17 "2001-05-09T06:07:02Z")
Congrats! I went through the process myself, last year (although ours probably won’t be granted for a year or two, I suspect). Another dozen or so, and I’ll catch up to my father-in-law (sound familiar? :)). I hope it wasn’t too grueling a process for you! ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/18 "2001-05-09T06:21:58Z")
Congratulations. You must feel just like Michael Nesmith’s mother. On a related note, now I know why they turned down my request for a patent for my Optical Height of Fill Detection System - I forgot the Associate Methods! Stupid, stupid, stupid! Oh well - I’ve still got my Push-Button Electronic Menu Built into Table of Restaurant System So You Don’t Have to Wait for a Waitress to Come Take Your Order pending. Though I should probably try to abbreviate the name a little. But cereally, bravo. ---
**Author:** ![Bill\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a5b964/32.png) [@Bill\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bill_H)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 8:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/19 "2001-05-09T08:08:14Z")
Congratulations, Cal! I’m pretty excited myself, as I just had two patents granted last week as well: Architecture for virtual private networks: [http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US06226748\_\_](http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US06226748__) Method and apparatus for configuring a virtual private network: [http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US06226751\_\_](http://www.delphion.com/details?pn=US06226751__) (I’m Bill H. as you might expect)… Has that plaque company sent you an ad yet? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798/20 "2001-05-09T13:14:11Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Cal_: > Uhh…, I don’t know. I thought I had one patent and three pending, but that doesn’t fit any of those. > > ``` > How didja find out that information, BTW. You can e-mail me with the info, if you don't want it public. My real nme's "Wilk", if you're curious. > > ``` You’d be that last one, then. I have no problem with answering here, but this won’t be an “official” answer. We have a searchable internal database, which is how I found all that. My search just turned up that one patent with nothing pending. My guess is your other three are so new that they don’t have any other information associated with them yet, such as your name. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patent-has-been-granted/64798.md?page=2)