# My patient's bizarre penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 31, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329 "2004-08-31T00:34:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/41 "2004-08-31T10:40:48Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > If the writing part is an obstacle you can hire a ghost writer to help you out. But you’ve got the stories already. He’s a doctor for goodness sake. He won’t have a problem writing - think of all those prescriptions - but the editor is going to have a hell of a time deciphering the scrawl. ---
**Author:** ![Fenneth\_Jr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Fenneth\_Jr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenneth_Jr)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/42 "2004-08-31T11:27:12Z")
That’s where computers come in handy. 😛 And if you’re not referring to the handwriting, then I think that he does a much better job of committing this to paper than most other writers could! I laughed out loud several times while reading that, which hardly ever happens. 🙂 Oh, and thankyou **Qadgop** , you have made my time as a lurker much more enjoyable 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/43 "2004-08-31T13:32:02Z")
> [@elfbabe](#): > > Qadgop the Peniscotan? He’s Peniscostal? For some reason I had the idea he was Urinitarian Universalist or maybe Penisbyterian… [sub]Yes, I am still in junior high. Thanks for asking.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/44 "2004-08-31T13:48:33Z")
> [@](#): > > The blunt object he was hit in the head with probably had more of an impact on his state of consciousness. (sic) > I found it strange that it was his only tatoo. Of course, as I think about it, that may be why. If he was hit on the head, I think you were looking in the wrong place. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/45 "2004-08-31T14:08:15Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > If he was hit on the head, I think you were looking in the wrong place. The man was unconscious, so a good nurse would place a urinary catheter so the man would not soak his bed sheets. That sort of requires looking at that place. Not to mention just being thorough and checking the man everywhere for other injuries. ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/46 "2004-08-31T14:18:41Z")
> [@lno](#): > > He’s Peniscostal? For some reason I had the idea he was Urinitarian Universalist or maybe Penisbyterian… How could you forget the Free Willy Baptists? ---
**Author:** ![Humble\_Servant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/47e85d/32.png) [@Humble\_Servant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Humble_Servant)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/47 "2004-08-31T14:21:22Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > But the degree of disincentive to tumescence seemed to the patient to be extreme. Made good use of the prison OED, did he? ---
**Author:** ![roger\_thornhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/d9b06d/32.png) [@roger\_thornhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roger_thornhill)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/48 "2004-08-31T14:24:48Z")
> [@Humble Servant](#): > > Made good use of the prison OED, did he? What the hell else you supposed to do when you’re in a state of incarcitorial impecuniosity? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/49 "2004-08-31T14:26:32Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > I guess that beats the Christmas tree tatooed on the glans of an unconscious gentleman I had the honor to admit one night. He never woke up, so we never found out _WHY!?_😕 :eek: “Hey, honey, it’s time to put up the Christmas tree again…” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/50 "2004-08-31T14:27:34Z")
> [@Tiramisu](#): > > The man was unconscious, so a good nurse would place a urinary catheter so the man would not soak his bed sheets. That sort of requires looking at that place. > > Not to mention just being thorough and checking the man everywhere for other injuries. Oh c’mon, you can’t fool us with this ‘good nurse’ crap; here’s what really happened: **Nurse 1:** Hmmm… pupils dilated and bilaterally unresponsive; you know what this means? **Nurse 2:** Yes, we get to look at his nob **N1:** Shouldn’t we intubate and stabilise his neck? **N2:** There’ll be time for that later, jeez! what the hell is _that_? A christmas tree? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/51 "2004-08-31T14:39:38Z")
That just reminded me of a bizarre commercial I saw last year. A couple of lady detectives are at a crime scene, looking down at a body on the floor. They can’t figure out why somebody’d want to kill this woman. Cop#1: Nice hair, though. Cop#2: Yeah. Cop#1: Think she highlights? Cop#2: One way to be sure… _reaches down and unzips body bag…_ ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/52 "2004-08-31T15:12:14Z")
What the hell was THAT a commercial for?? ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/53 "2004-08-31T15:18:15Z")
Clairol: Only her homicide invistigator knows for sure. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/54 "2004-08-31T15:26:12Z")
Man, I gotta get cable. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/55 "2004-08-31T15:42:57Z")
On the director commentary for “Se7en,” they’re talking about the large actor who was the gluttony murder. They thought he was such a trooper for sitting face-down in spaghetti for all those hours. When his character was THEN required to lay nude in the morgue, they made a dummy and gave him a really huge schlong. Just as a reward, for being such a nice guy and all. Lovely penis story, **Q**. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/56 "2004-08-31T15:46:17Z")
> [@lno](#): > > He’s Peniscostal? For some reason I had the idea he was Urinitarian Universalist or maybe Penisbyterian… > > [sub]Yes, I am still in junior high. Thanks for asking.[/sub] I always thought **Q the M** was Epeniscopalian, though he might be a Methodicks. [sub]I sit behind **lno** in history class[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/57 "2004-08-31T15:55:36Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > What the hell was THAT a commercial for?? I have no idea. I was so shocked by the last line that I completely spaced out on the product placement at the end. ---
**Author:** ![Rodd\_Hill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/3ab097/32.png) [@Rodd\_Hill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rodd_Hill)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/58 "2004-08-31T16:45:15Z")
> [@](#): > > I guess that beats the Christmas tree tatooed on the glans of an unconscious gentleman I had the honor to admit one night. He never woke up, so we never found out WHY!? Why, to go with his merry Christmas balls, of course! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/59 "2004-08-31T16:50:09Z")
Glans piercing and tattooing is pretty standard. I’ve even seen organs flayed open along the dorsum, up thru the glans. But why anyone would want their generative member to look like something you’d order at Nathan’s deli (sprinkle a few poppy seeds on said member and they’re twins separated at birth) is beyond me. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/60 "2004-08-31T21:02:38Z")
Priapism; His worst nightmare. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329.md?page=4)