# My patient's bizarre penis **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 31, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329 "2004-08-31T00:34:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/81 "2004-09-01T17:20:03Z")
> [@Q the M](#): > > Hey! I made Threadspotting with this contribution! > > My greatest recognition ever! Man, we really gotta do more for practicing doctors in this country… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Stilettos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/fbc32d/32.png) [@Red\_Stilettos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Stilettos)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/82 "2004-09-01T20:27:07Z")
> [@Doobieous](#): > > - urethral reroute (through the perineum). Um, _why?_ not that the others make any more sense… ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/83 "2004-09-01T20:52:33Z")
> [@Red Stilettos](#): > > Um, _why?_ According to the [BME Encyclopedia](http://encyc.bmezine.com/)’s article on urethral rerouts (link I gave is work-safe, rest of the site often isn’t) > [@](#): > > On a philosophical level, some people believe that this transforms the penis into an instrument of pleasure only (since it is no longer involved in bodily functions). Others simply find it kinky, and still others have stretched this new urethral opening to allow penetration. So, to summarize, it’s because humans are weird. Weird, weird, WEIRD. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/84 "2004-09-01T20:53:19Z")
Say, I wonder why **Blown & Injected** hasn’t weighed in on the matter? I mean, given his user name, you’d think that this would be right up his alley, so to speak. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/85 "2004-09-01T22:30:25Z")
> [@elfbabe](#): > > others have stretched this new urethral opening to allow penetration. Ah!!! AAHHH!!! Thank you, elfbabe, I finally found my creepy-limit! Eeeeeeeeewwwwwww! _pant, pant_ My skin is crawling off my head to flop off somewhere behind my desk. I have the willies like I’ve never had before. :eek: I simply cannot imagine the UTIs you’re asking for with that. Ouch, ouch, ouch. Must go scrub my brain. Maybe with floss through my ears: ;j ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/86 "2004-09-01T22:33:27Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > **My greatest recognition ever!** Nacotics for everyone! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/87 "2004-09-01T22:42:01Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > Nacotics for everyone! Hah! As if that’ll happen. Toradol IM or Ibuprofen orally for everyone who’s not NSAID intolerant! Make sure and take with food! Don’t take if already taking another NSAID regularly. Stop if GI upset occurs. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![bughunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@bughunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bughunter)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/88 "2004-09-01T22:54:14Z")
[routine] But doc, I have this _pain_ in my _penis_. I’ve tried Advil and Aleve and Ibuprofen and Tylenol and even Aspirin and it doesn’t help. Got any _oxycontin_? And some Cialis samples? Ya gotta _help_ me doc, I’m in pain and nothing _works_! [/routine] ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/89 "2004-09-01T22:57:26Z")
‘F\*ckin’ croaker wouldn’t even give me a goof ball.’ [/routine] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/90 "2004-09-01T23:32:10Z")
Just so you all know, when I called home last night, **Qadgop** happily informed me that his reference to the bagel dog-like appearance of the penis in question was not just poetic license. The resemblance, he says, was uncanny. God. I’m sure if I ever have to say “bagel dog” from now on, it’s going to come out as “penis dog”. Dad, this is your fault! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/91 "2004-09-02T00:47:49Z")
You know, I can NOT imagine discussing penises of ANY sort with my father, much less ones that look like bagel dogs. And either I’ve been hanging out on the fringes too long, or something, because I am actually more creeped out by discussing male sexual organs with my dad than with the BME encyclopedia, which is truly a reference for those facing the bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/92 "2004-09-02T01:09:20Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > > [@This Year's Model](#): > > > > Narcotics for everyone! > > Hah! As if that’ll happen. Toradol IM or Ibuprofen orally for everyone who’s not NSAID intolerant! Make sure and take with food! Don’t take if already taking another NSAID regularly. Stop if GI upset occurs. Whoa! Slow down there, Party Animal! ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/93 "2004-09-02T01:13:03Z")
> [@Broomstick](#): > > You know, I can NOT imagine discussing penises of ANY sort with my father, much less ones that look like bagel dogs. > > And either I’ve been hanging out on the fringes too long, or something, because I am actually more creeped out by discussing male sexual organs with my dad than with the BME encyclopedia, which is truly a reference for those facing the bizarre. I take it you were never a doctor’s kid then, **Broomstick**. **Elfbabe** knew the correct anatomic terms for nearly all body parts since elementary school. “No dear, it’s pronounced _tray-gus_. Not trag-us.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![chaoticbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f07891/32.png) [@chaoticbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chaoticbear)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/94 "2004-09-02T01:40:58Z")
> [@Tiramisu](#): > > Whoa! Slow down there, Party Animal! What can I say? I live on the edge! ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/95 "2004-09-02T02:29:46Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > Nacotics for everyone! “Boo!” “Very well - narcotics for no one!” “Boo!” “Very well - narcotics for some, miniature American flags for the rest!” “YAAAY!” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/96 "2004-09-02T03:14:09Z")
Now see, threads like this make the subscription fee worth it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![aenea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@aenea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aenea)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/97 "2004-09-02T03:29:42Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > I know you can’t legally answer this, Q, so just cough or something if I’m right… > > Was it Jack Dean Tyler? I always knew that Tug-Ahoy thing would cause something unpleasant. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! Thanks Smeg! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/98 "2004-09-02T03:45:36Z")
This thread is a true classic. Oh, and I’m glad that my tax money is being properly . . um. . . husbanded. > [@](#): > > Since the penis is not a present threat to the patient’s health or life, the State has no interest in any sort of treatment, which would be considered cosmetic in this case. It only hurts when he gets erections, and said erections don’t last long due to the pain. An effective negative feedback loop. The State does not desire to spend money to enhance his copulatory abilities. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/99 "2004-09-02T04:09:58Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > I always thought **Q the M** was Epeniscopalian, though he might be a Methodicks. I thought he was a seven inch adventest ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329/100 "2004-09-02T15:51:17Z")
What, no jokes about me working in a penistentiary? 😕 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-patients-bizarre-penis/262329.md?page=6)