# My penis burns...

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-burns/42111>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [November 21, 2000, 11:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-burns/42111 "2000-11-21T11:47:28Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 6\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-burns/42111/21 "2000-11-22T18:34:44Z")

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“When no one’s watching, try applying a little Maalox to your nether regions afterwards.”

Make sure the lip of the bottle touches your nether regions, replace the cap and place back in the medicine cabinet. Laugh histerically when one of your kids, spouse, friends, etc gets indigesion and drinks it straight from the bottle.

HUGS!  
Sqrl

PS. Milk really does work to get rid of the pepper feel.

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**Author:** ![Meephead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b782af/32.png) [@Meephead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meephead)\
**Post date:** [November 22, 2000, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-burns/42111/22 "2000-11-22T18:44:43Z")

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**SqrlCub** , you are a very sick individual!

[sub]I like that about you.[/sub]

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**Author:** ![Tomcat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Tomcat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tomcat)\
**Post date:** [November 24, 2000, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-burns/42111/23 "2000-11-24T10:06:50Z")

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Thanks folks! I’ll try all of these and report back on which one works the best! I sorta like the idea of applying everything from Maalox to a pound of cake and pastry flour to Mr. Happy!

Take care-  
-Tcat

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**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\
**Post date:** [November 24, 2000, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-burns/42111/24 "2000-11-24T16:24:47Z")

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I thought this was about something else. Nuts. Hey, as a very young kid I used to put Comet cleanser [aka Ajax] on my penis. Boy, does that ever burn. I did it a lot.

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**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\
**Post date:** [November 24, 2000, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-burns/42111/25 "2000-11-24T18:18:24Z")

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I feel like I wandered into one of those old SNL Billy Crystal skits with those 2 loser workers talking-

" you know when you take one of those…er…" “Ball peen hammers?” " yea, yea, and then you drive a " “12 inch landscaping spike?” “Yea, right through your penis? Boy, that smarts!”

But Milk does work to remove pepper oils- from your throat, anyway. I assume it would work on your penis. And Tomcat, you’re lucky you didn’t have some of the peppers I grew this year- Habenero Trinidad. They are too hot to eat! Unless mixed in with a lot of other food-like 1 small pepper and 5 lbs of chilli ( no lie ). If you got THAT oil on your penis- Katy bar the door!

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**Author:** ![bafaa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e480ec/32.png) [@bafaa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bafaa)\
**Post date:** [November 24, 2000, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-burns/42111/26 "2000-11-24T18:21:38Z")

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When I saw the thread’s title I got an image of Ralph Wiggum raising his hand and saying:  
“Miss Hoover, my penis burns!”

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