# My penis fell asleep **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 14, 2005, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488 "2005-07-14T10:11:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/1 "2005-07-14T10:11:57Z")
Bought a new couch today, so I spent quite awhile experimenting with potential ass-grooves and molding my body into the most comfortable positions. I dunno, maybe it was the booze and the weed talking (or maybe not talking enough) but as I snuggled up to enjoy a documentary on the history of traffic safety films, I failed to notice that a good deal of my upper body weight was being supported by my elbow, which was in turn pinned against my crotch. Eventually I sat up and, as we males need to do every few hours, began to “adjust myself in a manly fashion”, and suddenly realized – Hey! Whose cock and balls are these in my pants? I touch them, but I don’t feel myself being touched! Yup. Mr. Happy and his two faithful cohorts were numb to the world, cold and limp as gooseflesh. For a split second I considered performing The Stranger, until I realized I had gotten it backwards. Then…the pins and needles began. Oh, ow. Ow. Owie owie OW OW OW!!! You know how it is when the blood begins to flow back into a hand or foot that has fallen asleep? Now imagine that feeling in a body part which is _designed_ to intensify sensation…especially as it is filling with blood. Ow. Ow ow. Had to walk around a bit until everything went back to a sense of normalcy. I’m pleased to announce that The One-Eyed Wonder Weasel is doing fine, but I don’t believe he’ll be performing any push-ups and hoop-jumps for a little while, at least for tonight. ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/2 "2005-07-14T11:54:13Z")
I would have panicked. For a split second, “Oh dear Og, what has happened to my penis? Did it leave me? I thought we were friends.” And I would have reveled in the pain, not because I’m into that kind of thing, but because at least I knew it was there. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/3 "2005-07-14T12:13:44Z")
That’s happened to me once or twice before. I don’t feel any shame in saying it felt pretty good. Not good enough that I’d try to make it happen again, but I wouldn’t mind if it did. ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/4 "2005-07-14T12:21:20Z")
Damn. I didn’t know they _ever_ slept… ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/5 "2005-07-14T12:29:36Z")
So what you are saying is that in this particular case, penis did NOT ensue? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/6 "2005-07-14T12:37:31Z")
> [@KGS](#): > > …I failed to notice that a good deal of my upper body weight was being supported by my elbow, which was in turn pinned against my crotch… FWIW, I’m a male with a crotch, an elbow and a couch and I cannot even remotely fathom the physical dynamics of this position. Are you some kind of contorsionist? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/7 "2005-07-14T12:40:08Z")
> [@](#): > > Mr. Happy and his two faithful cohorts Little known fact is that this was the original name for The Police. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/8 "2005-07-14T12:45:20Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#): > > Little known fact is that this was the original name for The Police. That’s a lie sir. _slap_ You’ve slandered my favourite music band. It’s pistols at sunrise. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/9 "2005-07-14T12:49:18Z")
This happened to me all the time when I used to exercise on a stationary bike. Not the best feeling in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/10 "2005-07-14T13:02:19Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > FWIW, I’m a male with a crotch, an elbow and a couch and I cannot even remotely fathom the physical dynamics of this position. Are you some kind of contorsionist? 😕 All I can imagine is that he was doing the breakdance [handspin](http://www.zwickau.de/zfiles/jugendclubs/point/pics/Point%202%20003.jpg) on his new couch. ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/11 "2005-07-14T13:20:49Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > This happened to me all the time when I used to exercise on a stationary bike. Not the best feeling in the world. Same here. You know how hard [sic] it is to talk to the spinning instructor (who you think is REALLY HOT in a ‘I’m happily married, but DAMN!’ sorta way) about generalized numbness? “Um, Chris? Thigs are getting numb.” ( \<–Chris is a woman, btw) “Well, your shoelaces are probably laced too tight.” “Uh, nooo, higher up.” “Oh. um. I’m really not equipped to be able to answer you about that.” I was worried about it til after our kids were conceived…then I realized it wasn’t causing lasting harm…and standing climbs are fun, plus lets the blood redistribute. ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/12 "2005-07-14T13:22:07Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > That’s a lie sir. _slap_ You’ve slandered my favourite music band. It’s pistols at sunrise. Are you suggesting, sir, that Sting is so dour and moody that he could _never_ be known as Mister Happy? You, sir … Well, actually you may have a point. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/13 "2005-07-14T13:39:02Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > That’s a lie sir. _slap_ You’ve slandered my favourite music band. It’s pistols at sunrise. You CUR! It is really **Richard Johnson and a Load of Bollocks.** 🙂 And now, we regularly return you back to Sleeping Penii. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/14 "2005-07-14T14:35:39Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > FWIW, I’m a male with a crotch, an elbow and a couch and I cannot even remotely fathom the physical dynamics of this position. Are you some kind of contorsionist? 😕 I was kind of wondering how he did it, too. Come on, I can’t really put my elbow against my crotch. I think. I’m female, so maybe that’s it, but still… Maybe if I assumed a thinker pose? Never mind, I’m not going to try it. ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/15 "2005-07-14T14:48:27Z")
> [@KGS](#): > > Yup. Mr. Happy and his two faithful cohorts were numb to the world, cold and limp as gooseflesh. Penis In Snooze ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/16 "2005-07-14T14:52:25Z")
> [@Monstre](#): > > Penis In Snooze I Lurve this board! ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/17 "2005-07-14T16:03:14Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I was kind of wondering how he did it, too. Come on, I can’t really put my elbow against my crotch. Me neither, and I don’t think I could in the days when I could place both ankles behind my head at the same time, neither. ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/18 "2005-07-14T18:08:49Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > FWIW, I’m a male with a crotch, an elbow and a couch and I cannot even remotely fathom the physical dynamics of this position. Are you some kind of contorsionist? 😕 Hmm, now that you mention it, I’m not exactly sure what position it was. I do know my elbow was pinched against SOMETHING, since it actually aches more than The Brave Spelunker this morning. Oh dear, maybe another penis REALLY WAS INVOLVED!!! Better check under the cushions… > [@Dragwyr](#): > > So what you are saying is that in this particular case, penis did NOT ensue? Oh penis ensued, all right. Quite painfully, too. That’s the whole point. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Podkayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/19 "2005-07-14T18:33:40Z")
Do you people have really tight tendons or something? There. My elbow is in my crotch. Right now. It makes it a bit hard to type. Otherwise, not a problem. I’m sitting in a chair. I imagine it would be easier if I were on a couch. Even easier if I weren’t bending my arm. I do yoga, sure, but it’s not like I’m _good_ at it. (My favorite part is at the end when you get to lie down and take a na—er, I mean, _meditate_.) Oh, and KGS, sorry about your penis. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 14, 2005, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488/20 "2005-07-14T18:36:41Z")
This is why I’d never buy a used couch. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-fell-asleep/312488.md?page=2)