# My penis has been named. I need to get to the bottom of the choice of name. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 13, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235 "2003-10-13T19:07:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/1 "2003-10-13T19:07:48Z")
This doesn’t really belong in the “euphemisms for the penis” thread… This morning, my boyfriend/fiancé Jeremy started referring to a “Simon.” As in, “We’ll see if Simon’s up for it later.” Or, “Simon’s going to have a lot of work to do later on.” Or, “Oh, does Simon have a little irritation?” Finally, I asked, “OK, who the fuck is Simon?” He said, “Your penis.” Me: “You’ve named it Simon?” Him: “Yes.” “Why?” “I dunno. It’s just Simon.” “I guess I can go with that.” But I need to know… why Simon? I don’t think he’ll tell me. Any ideas? Is it a “Simon Says” thing? Or (_::shudder::_) could it have something to do with the American Idol judge? Anyway, meet Simon. Simon wears crewnecks only. I think Simon might be getting a little haircut later on. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/2 "2003-10-13T19:19:09Z")
_Hello, my name is Simon I like to do drawrings._ –Mike Myers as Simon on SNL ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/3 "2003-10-13T19:22:53Z")
Simon says… ??? I think thats a way cool name for a penis! ---
**Author:** ![MonkeyMule](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc348/32.png) [@MonkeyMule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MonkeyMule)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/4 "2003-10-13T19:24:40Z")
Well Mine was named “The Meat”. Don’t ask, it’s an embbarssing story. Though it does envolve 2 strippers. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/5 "2003-10-13T21:07:43Z")
> [@](#): > > I need to get to the bottom I think that’s something you need to take up with Jeremy. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/6 "2003-10-13T21:16:53Z")
First, I am _thrilled_ that the illustrious, erudite **tomndebb** has replied to my post. Second, I did take that up with him last night. For a very, very long time. I got to the bottom of one thing, but not the question at hand. I still have no clue why my dick is called Simon. It doesn’t draw, even in the snow. I have more dignity than that. It doesn’t tell others what to do in a schoolyard game. That would be illegal. It isn’t the cantankerous judge on a fluffy reality-TV talent show. Besides, if my Simon were British, he’d wear a turtleneck. _ **Why Simon?** _ ---
**Author:** ![Fox\_Paws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/85e7bf/32.png) [@Fox\_Paws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fox_Paws)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/7 "2003-10-13T21:17:45Z")
Simple Simon, perhaps? This line in particular made me think of it: “Said Simple Simon to the pieman ‘Let me taste your ware’” See [http://www.rhymes.org.uk/simple\_simon.htm](http://www.rhymes.org.uk/simple_simon.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/8 "2003-10-13T21:27:59Z")
Sigh, mon. Is he Jamaican perchance? ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/9 "2003-10-13T21:37:20Z")
The best name for a penis is definitely “Mjollnir.” That said, I must point out that no name can describe the unspeakable glory and power that is My Penis. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/10 "2003-10-13T21:57:39Z")
I’ve always understood “Nigel” to be an excellent name. It simply rings out as an old-fashioned English butler’s name, doesn’t it? As in, “How may I serve you tonight, Madam?” Or, in your case, a sir would be served. Or self-serving; I imagine Nigel’d be dandy at that, too. As for Mjollnir, **Already in Use** , would it make any difference if the recepticle is named “Loki”? Just curious. ---
**Author:** ![rockle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/73ab20/32.png) [@rockle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rockle)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/11 "2003-10-13T22:16:21Z")
Why not Simon? FWIW, I think “Simon” is a cute name for a peepee. Could be worse - he could be called “Earnest,” or “No.” But if you don’t like the name, you should have named it yourownself. My husband didn’t name his, so I named it for him. (Not that you asked, but it’s called “Randy” for short.) On preview, I must agree with **Skip** - Nigel seems like a good name, too. But I think “Simon” is perfectly serviceable as a name. Seems to have some personality. Is “Simon” fussy, perhaps, or a bit difficult at times? Does he look good cruising around town in an Aston-Martin? ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/12 "2003-10-13T23:47:33Z")
I decided two years ago that my [Dogo](http://www.vangils.dogoargentino.dk/puppys/Buca8%20uger.JPG) [Argentino](http://www.vangils.dogoargentino.dk/puppys/Annelutus.JPG) [puppy](http://www.vangils.dogoargentino.dk/expecting_litter/14703/Males2weeks2.JPG) would be named Simon. Now I’m going to have to spend the next five months trying to forget about **scott evil** ’s penis ☹ Only five months left!! ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/13 "2003-10-14T00:16:21Z")
> [@](#): > > Now I’m going to have to spend the next five months trying to forget about **scott evil** ’s penis Can’t be done. Let’s see, there’s [Simon](http://www.hasbro.com/pl/page.viewproduct/product_id.9430/dn/games/default.cfm), the Ultimate Brain Battle in convenient pocket size… There’s Simon Legree; have you been chasing after Jeremy with a whip recently? I truly hope there’s no [resemblance](http://www.fortunecity.com/bennyhills/pun/190/simonbarsinister.htm); if there is I’d re-think that webcam idea. ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/14 "2003-10-14T00:21:17Z")
**Otto** , I do have a couple of pics of Simon I could send you. You’ll see. You’ll want to watch **EvilCam®** even more. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/15 "2003-10-14T00:25:15Z")
Simon as in sigh-man? Simon as in the shopping bot? Or, to get biblical, Simon as in Simon Peter? ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/16 "2003-10-14T00:26:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rockle \* > \*\* My husband didn’t name his, so I named it for him. (Not that you asked, but it’s called “Randy” for short.) \*\* So what do you call it for long? 😃 [sub]The bad jokes just never stop, do they?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/17 "2003-10-14T00:28:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AskNott \* > \*\*Or, to get biblical, Simon as in Simon Peter? \*\* Well, considering my first name is Peter, which is already a euphemism for penis, I could see Simon being an extension (insert pun here) of that. And Jer _is_ quite religious. But I doubt that’s what he was thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Krisfer\_the\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krisfer_the_Cat)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/18 "2003-10-14T00:30:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Or, to get biblical, Simon as in Simon Peter? _piece of semi useless trivia_ Peter is from the Greek _petros_ meaning “rock” rock + penis + fun time for all! ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/19 "2003-10-14T00:37:57Z")
> [@](#): > > rock + penis + fun time for all! No, no, no! Rock+penis = chafing and/or bruised todger. Could it be [Simon Morley](http://www.planetout.com/pno/entertainment/interview.html?sernum=264) (link safe for work)? Can you do puppetry with your dangly bits? On second thought, don’t answer that. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![ChocolateJesus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7bcc69/32.png) [@ChocolateJesus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChocolateJesus)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2003, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235/20 "2003-10-14T00:54:45Z")
Funny…the only thing that came to MY mind was a segment they used on the old Pinwheel show on Nickelodeon called “[Simon](http://www.johnsrealmonline.com/classicnick/pinwheel/simon.html) in the Land of Chalk”. Oh I know my name is Simon and you draw the things I do, so take me take me take me take me over the ladder with you… CJ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-has-been-named-i-need-to-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-choice-of-name/207235.md?page=2)