# My penis is so big...
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [November 13, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806 "2005-11-13T02:24:17Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/41 "2005-11-14T15:47:03Z")
The largest organ by far is the skin.
The reason it is the largest by far is that it has to go around my dick.
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### Author:  [@Jurph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurph)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/42 "2005-11-14T17:01:34Z")
> [@Revtim](#):
>
> My Dick is so big it was banned by the SALT2 treaty.
>
> …
>
> My Dick is so big NORAD goes to DEFON 4 every day when their radar picks up my morning wood.
>
> …
>
> MDISB I can splooge satellites into orbit.
SALT II was superseded and extended by START, which all five signatories ratified. SALT II covered “strategic” missiles, which, at the time, were pretty small compared to current [del]penis proxies[/del] ICBMs. Under START, if the booster section of your dick exceeds the length or girth dimensions of an existing ICBM’s booster section, it must be declared as a “booster for intercontinental ballistic missiles” in the START-signatory country of residence, and must be stored at a declared facility. If your dick is covered by SALT II, be sure to let your significant other know – SALT prohibits “rapid reload” which is defined as 12 hours (if you’re stationary) or 4 hours (if you’re mobile). Even guys who can’t go twice at once can usually go twice in an hour… 😃
AFAIK, NORAD only changes DEFCON for START- and SALT II-covered missiles if you do not file a NOTAM and a START notification before launch. On the other hand, a SALT II prohibited system would result in a much more vigorous response from NORAD. Simply erecting the missile for launch is not enough to get the missile noticed by radar, since primary detection is usually done with infrared sensors that can see the superheated plume of propellant (this goes beyond a “painful burning sensation”). If your dick has a superheated plume of anything, see your doctor.
As for launching satellites into orbit, I hope your mattress can take the recoil. My mom always had to wash stains out of my sheets, but scorch marks… man, those never come out.
Oh, and while I’m here:
- MDISB that Han Solo took 20 minutes to realize he’d flown the Millenium Falcon _right inside_ it.
- MDISB that the Vikings and the Chinese still argue about who discovered it first.
- MDISB that forty-five women have been killed trying to reach the summit, and the seven who made it still suffer vertigo.
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### Author:  [@lightingtool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lightingtool)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/43 "2005-11-14T18:57:52Z")
My dick is so big it has its own screen name.
My dick is so big it co-signed my lease.
My dick is so big you can see it coming a mile away.
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### Author:  [@DougC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DougC)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/44 "2005-11-14T19:01:02Z")
-
-
- My dick is so big, I teach my sperm tricks and sell them to Sea World.
~
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### Author:  [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/45 "2005-11-14T19:08:47Z")
Yeah? Well _mine_ tears holes in the fabric of spacetime…so it appears to be only about 10 inches long.
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### Author:  [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/46 "2005-11-14T19:11:30Z")
My balls each have their own event horizon. When I come, an entire universe comes into being. That’s why they call it “The Big Bang”.
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### Author:  [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/47 "2005-11-14T19:16:15Z")
MDISB that when I go to bed at night, I have to run Christmas lights up it so aircraft won’t crash into it if I get an erection.
MDISB black holes can’t escape from IT.
MDISB that the one time I let it trial on the ground a bit, the Grand Canyon was formed.
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### Author:  [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/48 "2005-11-14T19:16:20Z")
MDISB my 3 yo son, who saw my penis the other day when I got out of the shower, said to my wife “Mommy, Mommy, did you know Daddy has a big penis? I mean _really_ big!”
So, compared to a 3 year old, my penis is freakin’ humongous; even with post-shower shrinkage.
Somehow, I’ll find a way for that to boost my ego; I’m still searching…but not for my penis, because it’s huge.
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### Author:  [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/49 "2005-11-14T19:45:26Z")
MDISB we’re all inside it right now.
MDISB if you want to see it just look out the window.
MDISB no one is sure wether or not sentient life exists at the tip.
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### Author:  [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/50 "2005-11-14T20:08:09Z")
“My dick is a Harley,
You kick it to start.” --Frank Zappa
If you’re big enough, it’s **all** tight.
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### Author:  [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)
#### Post date: [November 14, 2005, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/51 "2005-11-14T20:12:31Z")
MDISB I used to drive a Hyundai Excel by choice.
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### Author:  [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2005, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/52 "2005-11-15T02:06:43Z")
My dick is so big, it was once used for transatlantic passenger service.
My dick is so big, seabirds die by the thousands when I cum in the ocean.
My dick is so big, Katie Couric interviewed it on _Today_ while I was still home in bed.
My dick is so big, Edna Ferber wrote a book called _My Dick_.
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### Author:  [@drm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drm)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2005, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/53 "2005-11-15T02:31:52Z")
MDISB Jenna Jameson can feel it.
I was swimming in the ocean last week and got attacked by a Blue Whale in heat because MDISB.
MDISB I use it as a measuring stick when I go fishing. (I’m really quite proud of that one)
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### Author:  [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)
#### Post date: [November 15, 2005, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/54 "2005-11-15T12:53:36Z")
… It’s nickname is “crowbar.”
… I watch porn and wonder why they keep having sex with so many short, petite women.
… I’m 5’7" and I ‘knock the bottom out a woman 6’‘2’.
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### Author:  [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)
#### Post date: [November 17, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/55 "2005-11-17T19:27:46Z")
MDISB it took Michael Brown 5 days to send some kleenex after I ejaculated.
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### Author:  [@ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ComeToTheDarkSideWeHaveCookies)
#### Post date: [November 17, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/56 "2005-11-17T20:17:38Z")
MDISB…and teal green…and glittery…and ribbed…that when flying from San Jose to Atlanta (on September 14th, 2001) the FSA agent checking my radomly selected bags found it stashed in my boot and suspected it was a WMD, holding it aloft for a moment in the middle of the crowded ticketing terminal.
True story.
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### Author:  [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)
#### Post date: [November 17, 2005, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/57 "2005-11-17T21:59:19Z")
My dick is so big that John Goodman, Rush Limbaugh & Kirstie Alley all make fat jokes about it.
My dick is so big that it looks down on Manoud Boul.
My dick is so big that it rigged the 2000 presidential election in Florida, and started a war in the Middle East under false premises.
My dick is so big that women I fuck don’t scream “More! More!” They scream “Less! Less!”
My dick is so big that “Titanic” and the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy look like flops in comparison.
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### Author:  [@bauble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bauble)
#### Post date: [November 18, 2005, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/58 "2005-11-18T14:47:13Z")
MDISB that its shadow weighs ten pounds.
MDISB that when I e-mailed a picture of it to a girlfriend, it took her twenty minutes to download it.
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### Author:  [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)
#### Post date: [November 18, 2005, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/59 "2005-11-18T15:15:24Z")
Which could be about vaginas being so \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ or
> [@elfkin477](#):
>
> My penis is not so big…
My winky is so tiny I always end up peeing on my balls.
My penis is so pitiful that I suffer from clit envy.
My wang is so puny Asian men point and laugh @ me in the showers.
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### Author:  [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)
#### Post date: [November 18, 2005, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is-so-big/330806/60 "2005-11-18T15:47:58Z")
My dick is so big they’re producing a sci-fi series about it called “Star Trek: My Dick.”
My dick is so big, Sir Edmund Hillary tried to climb it.
My dick is so big, I pay property and school taxes on it.
My dick is so big it has a 401(k).
My dick is so big, the Spanish call it the “Sierra Mi Pene.”
My dick is so big the U.S. Army has occupation troops in it.
My dick is so big it’s being remodelled on “Extreme Home Makeover” next Sunday.
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