# My penis is **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 19, 2005, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275 "2005-12-19T09:00:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![EvilGhandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@EvilGhandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilGhandi)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/1 "2005-12-19T09:00:40Z")
My penis is fourty seven inches long. I once used it to thwart a gangland rape, simply by displaing it’s magnificence, You? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/2 "2005-12-19T09:23:07Z")
I suppose if I’m really honest, I use mine as a sort of car substitute. ---
**Author:** ![Eleusis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/3 "2005-12-19T09:34:12Z")
In April 1994, Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley offerered me $250k to stop a runaway El train with mine. I did it for free, and received the key to the city. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/4 "2005-12-19T09:36:51Z")
My penis is new and improved with a fresh lemon scent. It is not, you should note, necessary to use it in a well-ventilated area. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 9:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/5 "2005-12-19T09:43:40Z")
mightier than a sword sword. ---
**Author:** ![Hokkaido\_Brit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/d26b3c/32.png) [@Hokkaido\_Brit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hokkaido_Brit)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/6 "2005-12-19T09:59:37Z")
invisible and deadly ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/7 "2005-12-19T10:07:45Z")
My penis features prominently in the creation mythos of many religions. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/8 "2005-12-19T12:07:51Z")
My penis is awesome. And by awesome i mean totally sweet. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/9 "2005-12-19T13:17:17Z")
Geez…what is it about boys and their dicks? You’d think that there was nothing else out in the world more interesting than their schlongs. I reckon that the male preoccupation with willies is just good ol’ Freudian penis envy. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![phungi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phungi/32/395_2.png) [@phungi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phungi)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/10 "2005-12-19T13:53:24Z")
…a many splendored thing ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/11 "2005-12-19T13:58:20Z")
My penis speaks to me in tongues. My penis has a tongue. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/12 "2005-12-19T14:01:41Z")
> [@picker](#): > > My penis > > is awesome. And by awesome i mean totally sweet. **Facts:** 1. ``` My penis is a mammal. ``` 2. ``` My penis fights ALL the time. ``` 3. ``` The purpose of my penis is to flip out and kill people. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/13 "2005-12-19T14:05:57Z")
…not talking to me at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/14 "2005-12-19T14:30:34Z")
This is my Penis. There are many like it but this one is mine. My Penis is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my Penis is useless. Without my Penis I am useless. I must fire my Penis true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot before he shoots. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my Penis and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen. (Quote slightly modified for current OP) Jim ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/15 "2005-12-19T14:30:49Z")
My penis has slept with more women than I have. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/16 "2005-12-19T14:38:25Z")
My penis is vital to the war against terrorism. My penis is bringing about an economic recovery. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/17 "2005-12-19T14:53:12Z")
…does a great impression of young Elvis, with a rockabilly growl that drives the crowd wild. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/18 "2005-12-19T14:54:50Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > **Facts:** > > 1. > > ``` > My penis is a mammal. > > ``` > > 2. > > ``` > My penis fights ALL the time. > > ``` > > 3. > > ``` > The purpose of my penis is to flip out and kill people. > > ``` Clearly, your penis has real ultimate power. ---
**Author:** ![GrizzRich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7ba0ec/32.png) [@GrizzRich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrizzRich)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/19 "2005-12-19T15:13:10Z")
My penis hath charms to soothe the savage breast. ---
**Author:** ![Ensign\_Edison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ab992/32.png) [@Ensign\_Edison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ensign_Edison)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2005, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275/20 "2005-12-19T15:36:03Z")
My penis is… …laughing at your penis. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-penis-is/336275.md?page=2)