# My plans for retirement: become an artisanal pencil sharpener **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 6, 2022, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778 "2022-06-06T21:09:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/1 "2022-06-06T21:09:18Z")
I’ll have competition, of course. > **[Dozens gather to watch sharpening of giant No. 2 pencil near Lake Of The Isles](https://www.cbsnews.com/minnesota/news/dozens-gather-to-watch-sharpening-of-giant-no-2-pencil-near-lake-of-the-isles/)** > > A large crowd turned out Saturday to see a new landmark in Minneapolis -- a giant pencil near Lake of the Isles. > David Reese, an artisanal pencil sharpener, was among those who gathered to see the finished work on Saturday. Reese’s problem is that he doesn’t know marketing. I checked and [ArtisanalPencilSharpener.com](http://ArtisanalPencilSharpener.com) is for sale at GoDaddy for a penny. I’ll grab it and then all the glory will be mine. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/2 "2022-06-06T21:16:26Z")
If David Rees is the same David as your David Reese, he is not so bad at marketeering, he got me to buy his book: > **[How to Sharpen Pencils](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/12862903-how-to-sharpen-pencils)** > > A hilarious guide to the lost art of artisanal pencil sharpening"...I am so thrilled David Rees is picking up the reins of the forgotten ... You may find some tips for your retirement there. You may also get the website ZenAndTheArtOfPencilSharpening(dot)com for a song. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/3 "2022-06-06T21:24:45Z")
Yeah? How good can he be at marketing if the newspaper got his name wrong, huh? Now that you mention it, I have the book myself. Note to self: plot for mystery novel. Use extremely pointy pencil. Then sharpen it until all evidence of blood is erased. Put it back into collection. Maybe name victim Ravid Meese. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/4 "2022-06-06T23:00:16Z")
Would you settle for becoming an anal pencil sharpener? ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2022, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/5 "2022-06-06T23:02:12Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > I’ll have competition, of course. I wouldn’t be worried about the artisanal competition. It’s Big Pencil you have to worry about. I’ve heard that if they think you’re a threat to their revenues, they won’t even bother with litigation. They’ll fill you full of lead. ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/6 "2022-06-07T03:01:50Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > They’ll fill you full of lead. /pedant: Graphite. ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/7 "2022-06-07T03:04:42Z")
Don’t mess up my thread with your gra-phee-tee. ---
**Author:** ![JaneDoe42](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janedoe42/32/14104_2.png) [@JaneDoe42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JaneDoe42)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/8 "2022-06-07T03:13:49Z")
🏆 Ruck off discourse and take your stupid character rules with you. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/9 "2022-06-07T03:19:58Z")
> [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > If David Rees is the same David as your David Reese, he is not so bad at marketeering, he got me to buy his book IIRC, you could send him your pencil and he would sharpen it and return it to you with all the shavings. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/10 "2022-06-07T03:48:02Z")
> [@Exapno\_Mapcase](#): > > I checked and [ArtisanalPencilSharpener.com](http://ArtisanalPencilSharpener.com) is for sale at GoDaddy Was. If you want it send me a PM and we can negotiate. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/11 "2022-06-07T05:36:29Z")
This seemed to be everyone’s favorite cartoon in that classic, “101 Uses For A Dead Cat.” > **[101 Uses for Dead Cats - The pencil sharpener was the best!! | Cats, Cat...](https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/105342078756914566/)** > > Apr 13, 2013 - 101 Uses for Dead Cats - The pencil sharpener was the best!! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/12 "2022-06-07T15:19:46Z")
> [@Riemann](#): > > It’s Big Pencil you have to worry about. I’ve heard that if they think you’re a threat to their revenues, they won’t even bother with litigation. They’ll fill you full of lead. They’ll get away with it too. I’ve heard these people never go to the pen. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/13 "2022-06-07T15:45:14Z")
About 10 years ago my wife gave me a Swingline hand crank pencil sharpener for Christmas. I returned it, it sharpens off center. I then bought an X-acto Ranger from Amazon. It will not give you a sharp point. It was returned. I found a Wescott at a garage sale for $2. It works okay but it relies on a suction cup for stability. It broke when I tried to permanently mount it. That leaves me with my metal Baumgarten’s 2000 sharpener. I found it years ago in a desk drawer at work and have been using it since. It does a fine job sharpening standard pencils. No one has brought up pencils yet. All I use are Ticonderoga standard #2’s or Tennessee Reds. If I’m feeling a bit frisky, I’ll break out a Ticonderoga triangular. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/14 "2022-06-07T18:41:04Z")
I have minutiae re: pencil sharpening! As more and more engineering drawings are done with CADD, pen and ink/pencil drafting is becoming a lost art! Engineering drawings are done with different line widths. This is achieved with the hardness of the pencil lead. You truly haven’t lived until you’ve tried to draw with a 12H pencil! A special pencil sharpener is used on engineering pencils. It removes the wood from a length of the graphite. Then you take your odd pencil to a second sharpener which puts a needle-like point on the lead. Guaranteed to tear paper, jab fingers, and pop off the point as soon as you put minimal pressure on the pencil! @Exapno_Mapcase These engineering pencils are perfect as your proposed murder weapon. Aim for an artery, but be careful and don’t break the fine point off inside the victim. Coroners delight in looking for oddities like that! ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/15 "2022-06-07T19:28:52Z")
Get yourself a Jupiter 2, if you can find it! ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/16 "2022-06-07T19:47:01Z")
I use a literally old-school [Boston Champion](https://retrochronicle.com/brief-history-of-the-boston-champion-pencil-sharpener/). I buy books of New York Times Sunday crosswords, but I know better to start them in pen. A perfectly sharpened pencil is just right. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/17 "2022-06-07T20:38:32Z")
> [@VOW](#): > > These engineering pencils are perfect as your proposed murder weapon. I believe that a 5H Caran d’Ache is [sufficient](https://schumanchu.eu/html/r1/index.html). 12H, of course, is even better. (Minutiae, huh? ✏) ---
**Author:** ![Exapno\_Mapcase](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/exapno_mapcase/32/1051_2.png) [@Exapno\_Mapcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Exapno_Mapcase)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/18 "2022-06-07T20:42:02Z")
> [@Pardel-Lux](#): > > Caran d’Ache That’s an apropos name for a murder weapon. Assuming you want them to suffer. ---
**Author:** ![Pardel-Lux](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pardel-lux/32/20182_2.png) [@Pardel-Lux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pardel-Lux)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/19 "2022-06-07T20:57:07Z")
Hadn’t registered that in English 😀 Now pronounce it in [French](https://www.carandache.com/ch/fr/ecriture-c-5.htm). Or in [Russian](https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%9A%D0%B0%D1%80%D0%B0%D0%BD%D0%B4%D0%B0%D1%88) ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2022, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778/20 "2022-06-07T21:05:43Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > This seemed to be everyone’s favorite cartoon in that classic, “101 Uses For A Dead Cat.” I was going to suggest someone could make a lot of money selling a novelty pencil sharpener like that, but of course someone already is: [https://www.amazon.com/Meowing-Pencil-Sharpener-Novelty-Gadget/dp/B003N4UWJE](https://www.amazon.com/Meowing-Pencil-Sharpener-Novelty-Gadget/dp/B003N4UWJE) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-plans-for-retirement-become-an-artisanal-pencil-sharpener/965778.md?page=2)