# My Secret Santa thinks I'm a serial killer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2000, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480 "2000-12-20T05:29:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![super\_head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@super\_head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/super_head)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/21 "2000-12-21T02:15:34Z")
…if you get an INXS album, or maybe a signed photo of Michael Hutchence, then it is definitely the tools of autoerotic asphyxiation that you’re being given. They must know you better than I do. (no offense to INXS fans, or to the now-departed Michael Hutchence, of course - but how often do you get to work autoerotic asphyxiation into a conversation? - not nearly enough in my opinion!) ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/22 "2000-12-21T02:22:09Z")
Let it go, **super\_head**. Let it go. The autoerotic asphyxiation thing is played out. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/23 "2000-12-21T02:33:31Z")
Why would she give you a towelette? You could obviously get all the chocolate off without it. No matter where it was. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/24 "2000-12-21T02:40:08Z")
Excellent point! The plot thickens! ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/25 "2000-12-21T02:44:27Z")
Why hasn’t she given you any prophelactics then? Maybe she’s on the pill… Hmmm… the plot sickens… ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/26 "2000-12-21T03:44:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ogre \* > \*\*I like **lurkernomore** ’s idea. > > I happen upon a nubile, nude young lady covered in chocolate… > > Mmmmmmmm…private moment. 🙂 > > OK. Um, I happen upon…lessee…ummm…I know! I happen upon a ledge that can only be accessed by rope, but which offers a beautiful view (and I happen to have my camera, or at least the film). Also, I’ll be sanding near a splashy waterfall, and ummm…uh…I’m…ummm…eating hot wings! Yeah. Good thing I have the wetnaps! > > 🙂 > > No? \*\* ``` Or you're rapelling down a cliff face in the rain, wearing your poncho, using the rope, and as you stop to take a picture your cheap carabiner gives. They mop you up with the wet naps. ``` ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/27 "2000-12-21T04:44:40Z")
I won’t be able to sleep tonight if you don’t tell me this: Is the moist towelette one of those that smells like Fruit Loops? ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/28 "2000-12-21T04:48:38Z")
No, **Cranky**. These are the Royal Fingerbowl type. They smell like lemons. I don’t think I’ve ever smelled the Froot Loops things. It’s still a BIZARRE ASSED GIFT, though. 🙂 Sleep well, but why the burning need to know? ---
**Author:** ![super\_head](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@super\_head](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/super_head)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/29 "2000-12-21T04:50:04Z")
You can never have too much autoerotic asphyxiation, Ogre. You of all people should know that. However, I am inclined to agree that someone is cleaning out their car trunk. Nothing says “I care” like unwanted crap from your car. ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/30 "2000-12-21T05:06:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ogre \* > \*\*No, **Cranky**. These are the Royal Fingerbowl type. They smell like lemons. I don’t think I’ve ever smelled the Froot Loops things. > > Sleep well, but why the burning need to know? \*\* I am, alas, not prepared to discuss my compulsive, uncontrolled sniffing of any fruit-loop scented wet-nap I run across. I’m not in a good place about it right now. ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/31 "2000-12-21T05:11:01Z")
It’s OK. We can do an intervention. Anyone got any Apple Jacks? ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/32 "2000-12-21T05:36:40Z")
I’ve got a box right here! Cinnamon Toast Crunch, too. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/33 "2000-12-21T06:09:54Z")
Well, my guess is that at the end of the week, you are getting tickets to a Gallagher show. Although, I still haven’t figures out where the rope comes in… ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/34 "2000-12-21T07:28:40Z")
The rope is to tie him to his chair so he can’t leave during the performance, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/35 "2000-12-21T15:32:36Z")
I need to know what you got today ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/36 "2000-12-21T15:38:25Z")
OK. Today is either the deal-breaker, or the most sinister gift yet. I got a big ol’ bag of fresh fruit and a flashlight. ---
**Author:** ![GraceTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c4cdca/32.png) [@GraceTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraceTX)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/37 "2000-12-21T15:58:35Z")
How thoughtful to provide you with a snack just in case you get hungry while you’re burying the body. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/38 "2000-12-21T18:17:23Z")
_Is_ Gallagher coming to town? That really would explain things. Man, tomorrow is gonna be a good one, I can just feel it! ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/39 "2000-12-21T18:35:49Z")
This is so interesting. It’s like a three minute mystery. I’m hooked. ---
**Author:** ![tevya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tevya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tevya)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2000, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/40 "2000-12-21T19:06:23Z")
You are obviously about to go off on a quest that involves dungeon crawling and your secret santa is providing you with the supplies you will need. 1. Poncho = newbie armor. You can upgrade later in the campaign. 2. Rope = duh! Never begin a campaign without rope. 3. Moist Towlettes = This is the beginning of your first aid kit. Great for cleaning out minor wounds to prevent infection. 4. A Flashlight = a torch. You will need this light source when crawling the aforementioned dungeon. 5. Fruit = Rations. Have fun. Be Careful. And **NEVER** split up the party! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480.md?page=3)