# My Secret Santa thinks I'm a serial killer **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 20, 2000, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480 "2000-12-20T05:29:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/81 "2000-12-27T21:47:51Z")
Ron Perlman! ---
**Author:** ![slowhand53](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@slowhand53](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slowhand53)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/82 "2000-12-27T22:12:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Breathe \* > \*\*Matt Damon? I think not! He’s too Mirimax for _this_ production. And Keanu Reeves is out of the question. How about if we just get Kevin Smith to step in for the part? Something tells me he’d make a very interesting psycho… \*\* I’d say Jay rather than Silent Bob ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/83 "2000-12-27T22:23:26Z")
Are you kdding? This is clearly a job for “Snowball.” [sub]Or perhaps Oleg, the Russian cousin.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Breathe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/94ad74/32.png) [@Breathe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Breathe)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/84 "2000-12-27T22:41:37Z")
Ron Perlman? Great idea! And that reminds me… Let’s get Michael Wilcott (Wolcott? Damn, I suck with names today) in here somewhere, too. If what’s-his-name (from Videodrome) isn’t available to be the Creepy Smoking Guy In The Copier Room, we can get MW to do it… ---
**Author:** ![slowhand53](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@slowhand53](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slowhand53)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2000, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/85 "2000-12-27T22:44:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > \*\*Are you kdding? This is clearly a job for “Snowball.” > > [sub]Or perhaps Oleg, the Russian cousin.[/sub] \*\* Snowball for the lolly guy not the psycho BTW I now think of your handle completely differently. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/86 "2000-12-28T01:16:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*slowhand53 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*thinksnow \* > > **Are you kidding? This is clearly a job for "Snowball."** > > Snowball for the lolly guy not the psycho > > BTW I now think of your handle completely differently.\*\* _DAMN!_ That was entirely uncalled for! ☹ Funny and quick witted, but uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![tclouie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@tclouie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tclouie)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2000, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/87 "2000-12-29T01:24:04Z")
Come on, tell us who it was. You must know by now. ---
**Author:** ![Breathe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/94ad74/32.png) [@Breathe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Breathe)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2001, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/88 "2001-01-02T18:49:53Z")
Oh, no… They must’ve offed Ogre if we haven’t heard back by now–AHHHHHHHHH!!! ::runs around in circles:: ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2001, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/89 "2001-01-02T18:59:20Z")
\ Lolly, lolly, lolly… ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2001, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/90 "2001-01-02T19:51:01Z")
Hey, what about having Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Joile in it? We can ogle Jolie, and BBT can be the deranged Santa… the one whose basement has the assorted body parts… ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2001, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/91 "2001-01-02T20:24:35Z")
Won’t somebody PLEASE this of the children. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2001, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/92 "2001-01-02T20:29:55Z")
Please what of the children? This? \ lolly… ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/93 "2001-01-04T15:01:56Z")
I finally, at long last, found out who my Secret Santa was, if anyone out there is still interested. My suspicions were correct all along. The strange engineer guy came up to me this morning laughing. He asked me how I liked the machete. “Nice and sharp,” said I, somewhat nervously. “Good. Good.” He looked thoughtful for a second. “So, are you available to go on that inspection trip with me next week?” My blood ran cold. Inspection…trip. Crap, I’d forgotten that I told him I could help him out on some of his inspections. I’m gonna be alone with this guy in some of the most middle-of-nowhere places in Alabama next week! I think I’ll take the machete. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/94 "2001-01-04T15:03:30Z")
Oh, and Andygirl, you scare me worse than my Secret Santa does! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ReservoirDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@ReservoirDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReservoirDog)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/95 "2001-01-04T15:34:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > \*\*[sub]Oleg, the Russian cousin.[/sub] \*\* My love for you is ticking clock, BEZERKER!!! Would you like to making fuck? BEZERKER!!! ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 4, 2001, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/96 "2001-01-04T16:02:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*ReservoirDog \* > \*\*My love for you is ticking clock, BEZERKER!!! > Would you like to making fuck? BEZERKER!!! \*\* Did he just say “making fuck?” ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/97 "2001-01-05T01:10:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by thinksnow \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*ReservoirDog \* > > \*\*My love for you is ticking clock, BEZERKER!!! > > Would you like to making fuck? BEZERKER!!! \*\* > > Did he just say “making fuck?” \*\* Yes he did and if I recall correctly this is from Clerks one of my favorite movies. I live about 45 minutes from the store it was filmed at and do go there occasionaly to relive the movie’s memories ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/98 "2001-01-05T02:15:49Z")
Gosh, I like a good hijack as much as the next red-blooded Amurrican, but guys, my _life_ is in danger here. “No one cares,” he lamented with the back of his hand pressed melodramatically to his forehead. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/99 "2001-01-05T04:35:49Z")
First things first: **MannyL** I know that was from Clerks, so was my response. :rolleyes: Next, **Ogre** , wadaya want us to do? You want we should snuff the guy? You want maybe he tries on some cement shoes? Sorry, that’s not our line. Quoting movies, we can do. Whacking people, not so much. ---
**Author:** ![slowhand53](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a698b9/32.png) [@slowhand53](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slowhand53)\ **Post date:** [January 5, 2001, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480/100 "2001-01-05T06:42:42Z")
hey ogre: remember to wipe off your prints when you’re done with the machete 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-secret-santa-thinks-im-a-serial-killer/46480.md?page=6)