# My seven-year old is a teenager **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 9, 2014, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040 "2014-05-09T11:37:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/41 "2014-05-10T19:01:15Z")
I believe the traditional response is “I don’t care who started it, I’m finishing it!” But I’m an only child so that’s a secondhand report from my husband. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/42 "2014-05-10T19:17:29Z")
I don’t know if this is intentional or not, but you come across as abstuse and navel-gazey, **Frylock**. Your daughter could be going through some serious problems, I don’t know. But it could also be that you’re always confusing the hell out of her, and she can’t articulate this except through crying and flailing. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/43 "2014-05-10T19:43:33Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > As it happens, just as this has been starting to become worse over the past few months, I’ve also somehow at the same time managed to get through several board gaming sessions with her (and her brother) in which she _didn’t_ (as she used to) throw a fit the moment it seemed she might not win the game. So there’s progress on that front, and she really does enjoy the intellectual challenge in itself, not to mention the social aspect of it. So hopefully this will be one front through which she can learn to deal with frustration. > [@Frylock](#): > > Just to clarify–I definitely discuss this with him, I just haven’t been sure how to handle it there on the spot with both of them in the room. Just to check, she hasn’t been sick recently, has she? Some kids have ADHD-like symptoms for a few months following a strep infection. That said, what are they doing off together, out of your sight? are you insisting they play together? maybe you just need to keep them separate. They may not be compatible as playmates. My mother always expected me to happily play with my four-years-younger brother, and he bored me to tears. I’d be seven and expected to play with a three-year-old. It caused a lot of friction between us that wouldn’t have been there if we hadn’t been forced together. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2014, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/44 "2014-05-10T22:54:41Z")
> [@Jake\_Jones](#): > > DEFCON 5 is puppies and rainbows, DEFCON 1 is fire and brimstone. Please take this correction with the good intentions I offer it with. It’s the kind of mistake that I hate when people let slide when I make them. Correction taken in the spirit it was intended 🙂 Thanks! Frylock, if you’re not sure to what extent your son is deliberately winding up his sister, maybe try asking her? ‘When you explode at your brother, is there something particular he’s doing that you’re reacting to?’ If she tells you he’s doing something, then you can explain that she still can’t blow up at him, but you can also tell her that no, he doesn’t get to do whatever it is, and you’ll tell him so. Then tell him in front of her, so that the rules are clear to everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/45 "2014-05-11T00:57:55Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I work with alot of children with special needs and what parents of “normal” kids have to deal with, compared to the parents with a kid in a wheelchair, who have downs syndrome, autism, deformed limbs, even cancer - I have trouble being sympathetic. > > However I know that doesn’t help. Every kid has there own issues. > > Just do your best, then go take a nap. > > Seriously. Well, that was useful. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/46 "2014-05-11T12:24:25Z")
I have a daughter-in-law that this describes. Heh. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/47 "2014-05-11T13:24:37Z")
> [@steronz](#): > > she’s old enough to listen to reason and yet actively fights against it. … because her instinct is to disagree with everything I say the instant I say it. My own area of interest was teenagers, not 7 yr olds, so I’ll just throw this in for the parents of older children who may be reading this: You know that you’ve described starting by disagreeing with her? From the same perspective, I’d agree with: make sure she has enough to eat, gets enough excercise, gets enought sleep. Plan activities for her that seperate her from her brother. If you want to know if your older boy is winding her up, ask him. Anyway, the rule at school is agree with the kids 4 times for every time you disagree with them. At home, 50:50 is a good rule. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/48 "2014-05-11T13:36:32Z")
I’m just throwing this out there, as I’ve never raised any kids, but I wonder if maybe encouraging her to “tattle” a bit might actually be a good thing in this situation. It’s a better response than blowing up or acting out. Sure, eventually she should be able to handle small things without your help, but it sounds like she doesn’t have that ability yet. And by encouraging her to do that, you make it very clear that his behavior is also not acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/49 "2014-05-11T14:11:54Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > I work with alot of children with special needs and what parents of “normal” kids have to deal with, compared to the parents with a kid in a wheelchair, who have downs syndrome, autism, deformed limbs, even cancer - I have trouble being sympathetic. > > However I know that doesn’t help. Every kid has there own issues. > > Just do your best, then go take a nap. > > Seriously. You know that there are countries where the parents watch their children die in front of them because of malnutrition and inadequate medical care, right? Kids dying in Syria. Do you you lecture those (American?) first world parents of special needs on how grateful they should be, and if not, why not? After all, what parents of special needs in the States have to deal with compared to parents of special needs in developing countries is nothing. I would think you should have even less sympathy. Just tell these wimps to go take a nap. Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [May 11, 2014, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040/50 "2014-05-11T14:41:32Z")
We don’t know that her daughter isn’t “special needs” in some way. It isn’t normal for a 7-year-old to have a tantrum every day. Just as an example, I have a friend who has an autistic son who is 7, and he is pretty well-behaved. His language is limited, but when he does understand what is expected of him, he does it, and usually only has to be told once. A lot of her day is spent trying to figure out what he is trying to communicate, but he is actually very patient, and sometimes I think a normal child dropped into a situation where they couldn’t communicate-- like another country-- wouldn’t be as patient as this little boy. Sometimes he gets bored, and does his “stim” behaviors, that involve making noises, so she has to intervene, and try to get him interested in something, but it’s not any more annoying than a normal child who comes whining saying “I’m booooored.” Now, he’s exceptional, and she knows it, and feels lucky, but I think she would find both attitudes (that her child must be an unending burden so she needs sympathy, or that other people should count their blessings they don’t have a child like hers) insulting. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-seven-year-old-is-a-teenager/688040.md?page=2)