# My shiny new made-up life! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 8, 2003, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215 "2003-09-08T03:35:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/21 "2003-09-08T10:27:28Z")
How about cab driver? Think of all the wacky fares you can encounter! Endless potential material! And you could have this loud-mouth boss named Louie and a weird mechanic named Latka and… Nah, it’s been done… ---
**Author:** ![hardygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a3d4f5/32.png) [@hardygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hardygrrl)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/22 "2003-09-08T11:43:08Z")
Equipment Manager for the Cardinals? After all, my imaginary job is equipment manager/towel girl for the WWE. “Here’s your folding chair, Mr Van Dam. Will you be needing a massage after your match?” ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/23 "2003-09-08T12:39:07Z")
How about Karma assignment - making sure everyone gets whats coming to them 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mermaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@The\_Mermaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mermaid)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/24 "2003-09-08T12:59:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > > Of those three, I’m leaning towards importer/exporter since brothels are slightly illegal in Missouri and the whole international jewel theif is totally unbelievable to anyone who’s seen me IRL. \*\* I disagree. I’ve not seen you IRL but I’ve seen pics. You would make a great international jewel thief. Further job possiblities: Mule for the Colombian drug trade. It could be fun for lots of drama but these jobs only last so long and usually end badly. Designer/inspector/tester/model? for a sex toy manufacturer. You could have great dialogue like _You call this a dildo? It’s crap! The veins are totally unbelieveable and it needs more of a curve or something. And the head! Now that’s just pitiful. How are you going to impress anyone with that?_ Sports personality manager (like Arli$$) It worked for Robert Wuhl. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/25 "2003-09-08T13:01:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > So what’s a good, intersting job that I can pretend I do? Lion tamer? Ferret herder? Ferret herding is overrated. Sure, it sounds easy enough, but they’re really fast on those short legs, and can squeeze through holes not much bigger than a paper towel tube. On top of that, they have the energy level and attention span of hyperactive two-year-olds after they’ve gotten into some espresso milkshakes. (And no, I don’t vanity search, I just thought I’d check out the thread. 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/26 "2003-09-08T14:57:20Z")
Bounty hunter? Jedi Knight? ---
**Author:** ![Mastema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mastema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mastema)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/27 "2003-09-08T16:19:47Z")
Bikini wax technician Cult Leader Masseur (sp) I’d like to be the angst filled nephew who is into punk rock and staying in his room. Perhaps a few weeks from now we could have some sort of climactic event involving me and my ever degenerating life. ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/28 "2003-09-08T17:14:16Z")
I’ve always wanted to be able to say I was once [married](http://www.littlebit.iwarp.com/) to a con-man. By the way, are we divorced? ---
**Author:** ![Kal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Kal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kal)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/29 "2003-09-08T17:24:53Z")
Third Urak-hai from the left, second row. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/30 "2003-09-08T20:49:48Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by little_bit \* > \*\*I’ve always wanted to be able to say I was once [married](http://www.littlebit.iwarp.com/) to a con-man. > > By the way, are we divorced? \*\* OMG! It’s my long-lost (and uber-sexy) virtual wife who I thought was lost to me forever after she disapeared during that terrible mudslide in Guatamala! (Or at least that’s what I tell people) Where have you been? Let’s get a room and get, er, “reacquainted” 😉 So far the leading job possibilities are bounty hunter, importer/exporter, and cult leader. I’m leaning heavily towards cult leader, as that would help satisfy my gigantic ego and I’ve already declared a holidays for my balls (long time ago, I’ll look up the link later if anyone’s curious). I have an ex-GF ( **Persephone** ) and an angst-ridden punk rocker nephew ( **Mastema** ) who never leaves his room. (You know what I think he’s doing in his room all the time, don’t you? The same thing I did alone in my room all time when I was an angst-filled teen. But that’s ok, **Mastema** , it’s natural. Everyone does it.) ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/31 "2003-09-08T21:37:12Z")
Ok, the more I think on it, the more I like Cult Leader. So that’s my new career. Except of course, I can’t be a Cult Leader without a Cult. Which means I need Cult Followers. And I guess I need to come up with something for the Cult followers to follow. Some sort of Central Theme or Belief or Something. So… I will be the leader of the cult known as “The Community of Ultimate Life Teachings” or The C.U.L.T. for short. Follow me and learn all the teachings of Ultimate Life! [sub]Now I just need a cool Cult Leader Title…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzygoodmakefeelnice)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/32 "2003-09-08T22:21:14Z")
Official High Scraper of the Beds. Officer in Charge of Making the Cheese. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/33 "2003-09-08T22:32:54Z")
Cecil Adams. Who knows. Maybe they’re hiring! ---
**Author:** ![CharlesW](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/87869e/32.png) [@CharlesW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CharlesW)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2003, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/34 "2003-09-08T23:54:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Standup Karmic \* > \*\*You get the idea. Man, the importer/exporter is the James Bond of the 21st century! > \*\* [nitpick] James Bond always worked for Universal Exports so technically importer/exporter is the James Bond of the 20th century too.[/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/35 "2003-09-09T03:04:12Z")
Lessee… names for the Glorious C.U.L.T. leader: Exhaulted Frogness on High Grand Poobah of the Boom-Boom The Great Crunchizzle Frogizzle f’shizzle I’ll also need assistants in running a cult. Applications now being accepting for the following positions (post resumes below, no previous cult experience necessary WILL TRAIN!): Number 2 Brother/Sister in Charge of Mopping Brother/Sister in Charge of Ritual Shaving of the Genitals Public Relations Director What other offices does a cult need? ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/36 "2003-09-09T03:26:09Z")
I get Brother In Charge Of Ritual Shaving of Female Genitals. How’s your health plan? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/37 "2003-09-09T03:46:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wikkit \* > \*\*I get Brother In Charge Of Ritual Shaving of Female Genitals. > > How’s your health plan? \*\* Hang on there, Tex, I haven’t seen a resume yet! And I guess we should split the responsibilities of shaving Male and Female Genitals. And the health plan is basically “Try Not to Get Sick” This plan is aided by the fact that we will all sleep in oxygen tents. The dental plan is that each member of The C.U.L.T. (after completion of handing over all material goods and the Ritualistic Shaving) will receive their own tooth brush. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/38 "2003-09-09T03:47:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Now I just need a cool Cult Leader Title… Imthefroggodribbit ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/39 "2003-09-09T03:52:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Little Nemo \* > \*\*Imthefroggodribbit \*\* And I believe that may be my new Official Title! Just for that, **Little Nemo** gets the office of his/her choosing. ---
**Author:** ![DaToad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@DaToad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DaToad)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2003, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215/40 "2003-09-09T05:09:34Z")
**Crunchy** , I don’t give a shit what you do/become, as long as you figure out how to quit stinking while you do it. Although I haven’t seen your resume, I don’t think you have the credentials to be a cult leader. Dude, admit it, mass murders via poison drinks are not your style. (just one Toad’s opinion.) However, I do think you have found your true calling. You are already a 10th degree Imagineer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-shiny-new-made-up-life/200215.md?page=3)