# My sister is trying to cheat me out of parents estate. What to do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 3, 2008, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061 "2008-01-03T00:19:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/81 "2012-08-17T15:14:41Z")
Just another post to agree that wills don’t always prevent family fights. I used to teach at a school with two cousins who were best friends. Then a grandparent died, and although there was a will, neither set of the cousins’ parents considered it fair. So both sets of parents told the school that the teachers were to make sure that their daughters never spoke to each other while they were on school property. The principal said, “Oh, sure, absolutely we’ll comply with that.” And the parents believed him, which is the only funny part of this story. I also remember a Judge Judy or People’s Court years back in which two siblings were fighting over a pair of lamps which hadn’t been mentioned in their mother’s will. The judge asked if they couldn’t just each take one. Both refused. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/82 "2012-08-17T15:23:04Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > If you wanted alimony or child support from your ex-husband, you should have pursued it while **you** were alive. I wasn’t aware that **cheatedbykids** was posting from the grave. If that’s the case it is very difficult to find an attorney that will take your case. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/83 "2012-08-17T15:38:40Z")
Hey zombies need legal representation too!! ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/84 "2012-08-17T18:41:52Z")
I haven’t read all the replies, but I agree that you should gently raise the subject with your parents and mention what your sister said. Make it clear to them that whatever THEY decide is fine (i.e. you are not trying to start trouble or ask for money) as long as it’s documented. Also, FYI, I was involved (third-hand) with something where the grandfather died and left things to his wife. She had never managed money and eventually became somewhat loopy (although we didn’t realize how loopy until she passed away), and another relative convinced her to cut my rather out of the will. This could have been avoided had my grandfather put everything in a trust instead of directly to his wife. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/85 "2012-08-17T18:57:13Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > I wasn’t aware that **cheatedbykids** was posting from the grave. If that’s the case it is very difficult to find an attorney that will take your case. 😉 Yeah, I saw that when I came back to the thread, but it was too late to edit. Was hoping it would go unnoticed. But someone is reading my posts. Hooray! ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/86 "2012-08-17T20:29:10Z")
This thread was opened by **rostfrei** in January 2008. **rostrei** hasn’t logged on since March 2012. So, at this point, there’s little reason to advise on the sister issue. The thread was resurrected by **cheatedbykids** on 08/16/2012, also her registration date. ---
**Author:** ![6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/e19adc/32.png) [@6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/6ImpossibleThingsB4Breakfast)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2012, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/87 "2012-08-18T00:04:49Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > Apologies- wrong poster. It was 6Impossiblethingsbeforebreakfast. > > (You just wanted to make me type that didn’t you?) 🙂 :smack: and 😃 I thought **cheatedbykids** posts were just the whiney ones…! ---
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2012, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/88 "2012-08-18T02:22:20Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Yeah, I saw that when I came back to the thread, but it was too late to edit. Was hoping it would go unnoticed. > > But someone is reading my posts. Hooray! I think most of us were just pretending we didn’t see the error to help you save face. But since **Omar Little** has called you out… _POINTS_ ---
**Author:** ![phxjcc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phxjcc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phxjcc)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/89 "2012-08-19T01:33:57Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > It would be better to have a lawyer prepare a power of attorney and bring a copy to the bank in advance. You’ll still have the ability to control the account but you’ll be on record as acting as your parent’s legal agent, not a co-owner of the account. If you co-own the account you extend your personal liability, however small, to your parent’s assets. Fuzzy: I have heard this argument made by family lawyers to me repeatedly. To me, personally, it matters as I am at the end of a bloodline with one surviving parent and no surviving spouses nor children nor surviving relatives of any kind whatsoever [well _maybe_ 3rd cousins (parent’s brother’s’s great-grandchildren) that I don’t know about]. This is just the de facto way it has been done in my family for 2 generations. No will, just put the heir’s name on the accounts. Changing the ways of an 89 YO parent is going to be extremely difficult–turtles through peanut butter difficult. So is having ones name on the assets of one’s parent’s financial assets REALLY that big of a liability? Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/90 "2012-08-19T02:46:35Z")
> [@phxjcc](#): > > Fuzzy: > I have heard this argument made by family lawyers to me repeatedly. To me, personally, it matters as I am at the end of a bloodline with one surviving parent and no surviving spouses nor children nor surviving relatives of any kind whatsoever [well _maybe_ 3rd cousins (parent’s brother’s’s great-grandchildren) that I don’t know about]. > > This is just the de facto way it has been done in my family for 2 generations. No will, just put the heir’s name on the accounts. Changing the ways of an 89 YO parent is going to be extremely difficult–turtles through peanut butter difficult. > > So is having ones name on the assets of one’s parent’s financial assets REALLY that big of a liability? Having your name on the account doesn’t create a liability to you. What **Fuzzy Dunlop** means is that if you owe someone money and they obtain a judgement against you, that person can attach your parent’s account if you are a co-owner , and therefore your parent’s assets are exposed to your liability.It’s the reverse of what **Fuzzy** posted earlier: > [@](#): > > Originally Posted by Fuzzy Dunlop > My dad was in arrears on child support he owed my mom, ironically child support for me. They found MY money that I scrimped and saved for and took it, because from their point of view it was his money… his name was on the account. If you’re talking about a small account so you can handle your parent’s day to day expenses for them, that’s one thing. Adding your name as co-owner to accounts containing the bulk of their assets is another. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/91 "2012-08-19T16:38:00Z")
> [@cheatedbykids](#): > > Never in my wildest dreams would I think a child of mine would cheat their mother. The estate owed the debt. Every so often you have to reaffirm a judgment with the state, perhaps every 20 years or so. A local lawyer could have advised you on how to protect your interest. Debts are taken from an estate first, then whatever is left is distributed to the heirs. Yes, he should have paid you child support all those years and it was very very very wrong of him not to do so, but why on earth did you not take the steps necessary to protect your future interests? And now your failure to act is your children’s fault??? ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/92 "2012-08-19T21:03:51Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Having your name on the account doesn’t create a liability to you. What **Fuzzy Dunlop** means is that if you owe someone money and they obtain a judgement against you, that person can attach your parent’s account if you are a co-owner , and therefore your parent’s assets are exposed to your liability.It’s the reverse of what **Fuzzy** posted earlier: Yes my example was definitely the opposite of what I was originally posting about. I didn’t have any actual examples of times I screwed over my parents. 😛 > [@doreen](#): > > If you’re talking about a small account so you can handle your parent’s day to day expenses for them, that’s one thing. Adding your name as co-owner to accounts containing the bulk of their assets is another. I agree that having your name on a checking account with a small balance isn’t that big a deal. I guess I’m just very fastidious. I like that every single thing I do is in **Fuzzy Dunlop’s Dad’s** name and signed for by **Fuzzy Dunlop** under power of attorney. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/93 "2012-08-19T21:05:42Z")
I made my will, & left everything to charity, & had an old friend as executor. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/94 "2012-08-19T21:32:03Z")
> [@phxjcc](#): > > Fuzzy: > I have heard this argument made by family lawyers to me repeatedly. To me, personally, it matters as I am at the end of a bloodline with one surviving parent and no surviving spouses nor children nor surviving relatives of any kind whatsoever [well _maybe_ 3rd cousins (parent’s brother’s’s great-grandchildren) that I don’t know about]. > > This is just the de facto way it has been done in my family for 2 generations. No will, just put the heir’s name on the accounts. Changing the ways of an 89 YO parent is going to be extremely difficult–turtles through peanut butter difficult. I talk to other people with the “just put him on it” approach to estate planning and what makes me nervous is I have no idea what it actually means to be put on something. I understand that if I inherit assets from an estate there’s a large estate tax exclusion (that changes year to year). I understand that if someone gives me an asset there’s a annual gift tax exclusion before the giver is subject to gift tax. But I have no idea what it means to be “put on” something. And nobody ever seems to say “let’s put him on it and then tell our accountant so he can prepare our taxes properly” It’s always “let’s put him on and not even consider if there are tax consequences.” ---
**Author:** ![phxjcc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8491ac/32.png) [@phxjcc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phxjcc)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/95 "2012-08-19T21:38:18Z")
Thank you for your answer. ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2012, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/96 "2012-08-19T22:42:10Z")
I think it’s odd that this thread seems to be assuming they will die at the same time. Another important consideration - convince them to have a premeet with a funeral home to take care of all the arrangements and costs involved with a funeral and grave. These things are ridiculously expensive. They should also plan for things like end of life health costs and DNR sorts of decisions. ---
**Author:** ![ceilidh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@ceilidh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ceilidh)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/97 "2012-08-20T18:58:48Z")
An acquaintance of mine is dealing with a situation where his sister took 3/4 of the estate after their parents’ death instead of 1/3 that the will said she should have. The amount of money she took that she wasn’t supposed to was around a quarter of a million dollars. Her brothers talked to a lawyer, and now the sister is going to go to jail for awhile, and her house will be sold to help pay back the money she took. Basically, I think you need to keep an eye on things, and if when your parents pass away it looks fishy, go to a lawyer for help. I really hope that everything goes well for you. ---
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2012, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/98 "2012-08-20T19:43:35Z")
It’s a running joke in our family that my parents are supposed to die with _just_ enough money to bury them. They have a will and we are working on their funeral arrangements (they have a plot but the cemetary has changed hands so much, we are having trouble tracking them down). I still remember when my grandpa died. My grandmother was still alive and yet all my cousins were asking what their share was. Ummm, the money goes to grandma, you idiots. Luckily, my grandparents knew how greedy some in the family were. They made sure to give away anything with real or sentimental value before they were gone. I didn’t get any money when they passed away but even if I had gotten everything, I would have given it all back just to have them still here. ---
**Author:** ![GreenElf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9de053/32.png) [@GreenElf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreenElf)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/99 "2012-08-22T06:19:51Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > Take your mom to see a performance of King Lear. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2012, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061/100 "2012-08-22T10:41:16Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > While you are at it, see if your parents will draw up Powers of Attorney that at least put you on jointly with your sister, so that she can not transfer assets over to herself in you parent’s later years. This happens. In-town sibling with POA and suddenly there are no CDs that Mom had put in each kid’s name. Siblings can suck when it comes to money. Some people seem to equate it with love. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-is-trying-to-cheat-me-out-of-parents-estate-what-to-do/432061.md?page=6)