# My sister stayed out drinking tonight. I refused to go pick her up. Am I justified **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 31, 2011, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722 "2011-08-31T04:20:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/21 "2011-08-31T13:58:43Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > So how are you going to feel if she decides to try to drive home, and kills herself or someone else? She got what she deserved? That she’s a stupid fuck who could goddamned well have called a cab instead of deciding to drive drunk. I’d cut my sister some slack once on a situation like that, but she’d definitely get the ‘WTF, I am not your personal free taxi service - plan better or call a cab next time’ talk. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/22 "2011-08-31T14:19:13Z")
No, you’re not justified, unless you _would_ have gone if your boyfriend didn’t. She’s also not justified in not letting you know ahead of time. > [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > She got a ride home. What she didn’t get, and I agree that she shouldn’t have gotten, was someone to bring her car home for her so she doesn’t have to be put out by going to fetch it. If you’re going to get plastered without a DD or other transportation plan and ask someone to put themselves out by coming to fetch you in the middle of the night on a work day, you can bloody well go fetch your own car the next day. This. ---
**Author:** ![Electric\_Warrior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@Electric\_Warrior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Electric_Warrior)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/23 "2011-08-31T14:46:17Z")
If this happens again, call her a cab. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/24 "2011-08-31T15:56:38Z")
> [@Mosier](#): > > Your family and friends should know they can count on you. There is a difference between helping people and being a doormat. For the rest, see **CrazyCatLady** ’s post. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/25 "2011-08-31T16:19:13Z")
And here I was thinking that calling a friend or a family member and asking for a ride was the responsible thing to do. Go figure. ---
**Author:** ![woodstockbirdybird](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/woodstockbirdybird/32/7905_2.png) [@woodstockbirdybird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woodstockbirdybird)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/26 "2011-08-31T16:24:53Z")
It’s a responsible thing to do when you’re underage and have no money. When you’re an adult, call a cab. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/27 "2011-08-31T16:29:31Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > And here I was thinking that calling a friend or a family member and asking for a ride was the responsible thing to do. Go figure. It’s more responsible than driving drunk, but less responsible than arranging your own transportation with a business that routinely provides transportation as a service. You know, like a taxi cab company. On preview: what \*\*woodstockbirdybird \*\*said. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/28 "2011-08-31T16:31:51Z")
It would be nice to know that the sister slipped the boyfriend a few bucks for his trouble. I’m guessing not, though. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/29 "2011-08-31T16:36:29Z")
> [@wheresgeorge04](#): > > Is the option her driving home drunk? If no, fuck her. If yes, make sure she doesn’t drive home drunk. > > Joe That wasn’t the choice the OP was facing, though. She forced her sister to leave her (the sister’s) car where it was, so that she will have to be inconvenienced by arranging to going back to get it the next day. Which was entirely sensible if you ask me. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/30 "2011-08-31T16:39:42Z")
You could have given her a ride. Unless this is something that happens ALL THE TIME, you should have, yes. I think it’s great that she was alert enough to not want to drive drunk. If she had driven drunk and crashed, would you or would you not have felt immense guilt for not giving her a ride? You would have. I’ll always remember my cool uncle, who, when I went to college, told me he would always be willing to pick me up if I got into trouble. And he lived over an hour away from me. I never had to take him up on it, but he knew, without glossing over, the dangers that college kids can get into by combining alcohol and vehicles. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/31 "2011-08-31T16:42:12Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > So how are you going to feel if she decides to try to drive home, and kills herself or someone else? She got what she deserved? should i call you the next time i don’t feel like cabbing? ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/32 "2011-08-31T16:46:26Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > It’s more responsible than driving drunk, but less responsible than arranging your own transportation with a business that routinely provides transportation as a service. You know, like a taxi cab company. > > On preview: what \*\*woodstockbirdybird \*\*said. I guess it depends where you live and all, but where I live, it’s really incredibly unsafe to call a cab unless you’re with a big group. Don’t get me wrong, my friends and I usually work out a DD, but there has been a time or two where I’ve called a friend and asked for a ride. Sure, nobody likes to do that, but we all do it for one another because you’ve done it for someone else a time or two. And hell, I’m not even a heavy drinker, I’m just incredibly cautious about driving after drinking, even if I think I “can”. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/33 "2011-08-31T16:47:52Z")
Haha, I’m shocked at the number of people posting who didn’t read the OP correctly, nor the responses. (Not really) The sister got a ride home. She didn’t get her car driven home for her, however. If this were a one time thing, I _might_ go with the boyfriend to drive the car home, but only once. If this happens frequently (no plan to get home when drinking), I would let her figure out how she was going to get her car home the next day by herself. In some cities (like mine) they have a service where they will come and drive you home in your vehicle. Costs about as much as a cab home. We’ve used it a few times. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/34 "2011-08-31T16:49:32Z")
It’s kind of annoying to see the number of people who clearly haven’t understood the OP, despite repeated corrections. One more time: SHE GOT A RIDE HOME! Getting a ride home was not the issue. What she did NOT get was a second person to drive her _own_ car home. OK? Everybody clear? The OP’s BF got her home safe, but the OP chose not to go with him and drive her sister’s car home. I know the thread title is misleading, but read the OP. For the record, I think the choice was completely appropriate. See that she gets home safely, but let her deal with getting her car home on her own dime. ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/35 "2011-08-31T16:56:55Z")
I had a friend who would do this. Too drunk to drive, I offer to drop her home, she immediately tries to find someone else to drive her home so I can follow them and then drop the other person home, er nope. You get in my car, I drive you home. Tomorrow you figure out how to get to work. So OP, you’re totally justified and you would be enabling if you continued this convoy thing. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/36 "2011-08-31T16:57:12Z")
> [@An\_Arky](#): > > Your boyfriend went to pick up your drunk 23 year old sister? Bow Chicka Wow. > [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > It would be nice to know that the sister slipped the boyfriend a few bucks for his trouble. Let’s see… 23, drunk, mad as hell at her sister, and rescued in the middle of the night by a kind man who doesn’t judge her and just wants her to be safe. I wasn’t going to broach the subject, but as long as\*\* An Arky \*\*did, she very well might have wanted to slip him something for his troubles. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/37 "2011-08-31T17:18:35Z")
> [@pancakes3](#): > > should i call you the next time i don’t feel like cabbing? If you are my sister, I would hope so. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/38 "2011-08-31T17:20:08Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > SHE GOT A RIDE HOME! How did the OP feel about this? Sounds to me like she was against it. ---
**Author:** ![Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brown_eyed_girl/32/3574_2.png) [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brown_Eyed_Girl)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/39 "2011-08-31T17:27:01Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > I guess it depends where you live and all, but where I live, it’s really incredibly unsafe to call a cab unless you’re with a big group. > > Don’t get me wrong, my friends and I usually work out a DD, but there has been a time or two where I’ve called a friend and asked for a ride. Sure, nobody likes to do that, but we all do it for one another because you’ve done it for someone else a time or two. And hell, I’m not even a heavy drinker, I’m just incredibly cautious about driving after drinking, even if I think I “can”. Getting a cab ride home is incredibly unsafe, but drinking to illegal-to-drive impairment in public is not? 😕 Where do you live in which calling a cab is unsafe? I’ve only called for a cab once or twice in my life, but generally when I drink away from home, I either don’t drink enough to impair my driving or ride with a DD, so forgive my ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722/40 "2011-08-31T17:39:31Z")
> [@Brown\_Eyed\_Girl](#): > > Getting a cab ride home is incredibly unsafe, but drinking to illegal-to-drive impairment in public is not? 😕 > > Where do you live in which calling a cab is unsafe? I’ve only called for a cab once or twice in my life, but generally when I drink away from home, I either don’t drink enough to impair my driving or ride with a DD, so forgive my ignorance. Slow your roll: I didn’t say I get sloppy drunk or anything like that, but if I even have just a few, I prefer to be safe than sorry. That’s responsible, isn’t it? Even if I\* feel \*like I can drive, I prefer to err on the side of caution. I don’t live in a huge city, so the cabs here are literally people’s really old cars or vans that roll up with a sticker on the side, no meter, and some random dude with no license or anything displayed. I’ve taken cabs two or three times here in my life and it has been a less than pleasant experience each time- nothing like in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York, or any other place I’ve ever been. Maybe if I were a guy I would be less wary of our little scary dark cabs, but because I’m a single female, I’d much rather get a ride from a friend or family member (or, if those aren’t options, just not go out drinking) than get into a car with some strange dude. I’ve had way too many friends get assaulted in some way in that situation for me to be comfortable with it in this town. But again, my friends and I have an understanding about this, since it’s a less than regular occurrence. If I couldn’t plan ahead for a ride of some sort, I wouldn’t drink. I’d say that’s the OP’s sister’s biggest problem: she should have hitched a ride with a friend and called her sister (or whoever) before she even went out to see if they’d be cool with giving her a ride later. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-sister-stayed-out-drinking-tonight-i-refused-to-go-pick-her-up-am-i-justified/594722.md?page=3)