# My so-called friend made a Super Bowl party event on facebook but didn't invite me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 4, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103 "2011-02-04T01:52:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/61 "2011-02-04T14:24:30Z")
Hindsight advice from older guy to younger guy: Re: Party - don’t go. You were not invited. I won’t delve into why but if I read into your posts enough it seems you have a few issues with insecurity. This is NOT a criticism, it’s just an observation, and it’s normal. My real advice is this - go somewhere else, find some open party and join it. Say hello. Ask friendly questions of others. LISTEN TO WHAT THEY SAY. The greatest secret to being a great conversationalist is DON’T TALK TOO MUCH, LISTEN! Pretty soon everyone will think you’re the greatest guy to have around. You won’t have to provide any proof of your own excellence, you’ll be the guy who pays attention to others. People eat that up. If it doesn’t work out, try it again in another setting. Lather, rinse, repeat. You have nothing to lose but a little of your time. You don’t have to be anything other than a listener. If you listen well and ask pointed follow up questions they you reach the new level of ‘insightful guy.’ The thing is most people give all the answers to anything they are talking about when you talk to them. You just have to be bright enough to listen for them and then point them back to their answers. I gather by your participation here on this board and admittance that you follow facebook, followed by your admittance that social situations are difficult, you are one of the many younger folk who are more comfortable interfacing with a keyboard than with real humans. You are going to have to get around this. Simple rules: say hello, listen more, ask a few questions, speak little of yourself unless asked and then keep it brief, pay attention. It’s actually pretty easy. This all comes from the former introvert who had to become a tv reporter (long story - won’t describe.) ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/62 "2011-02-04T14:51:17Z")
Lots of good advice here, if you care to listen to it. I may be reiterating what somebody else has said, but I’d suggest a sports bar. Figure out who most of the people in the place are cheering for, and cheer for that team too. You’ll have plenty of friends in no time. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/63 "2011-02-04T15:00:45Z")
It’s just a football game, which are insanely boring. Watch the commercials for it later on Hulu or something. Better yet, start a Superbowl Widow party. I’m sure there’s plenty of people who’re going to be abandoned/bored this Sunday, you can have your own party instead. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/64 "2011-02-04T15:06:59Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > yes I know there is a campus party but I don’t know anyone there and I don’t like meeting new people. I want to see my friend. Otherwise I’ll just watch it alone. You’re in school, so learn. Since you are not invited to that party, you can’t go. Instead, write a report on the campus game party; it’ll be good practice and you won’t get a bad grade. Get a new spiral notebook from the bookstore & a pen that writes. Take them to the campus party. Shower & change clothes before you go (…because I said so). Then, write down what you see. Write down how the others interact with each other. Pick two people (guys) and write down what you see them doing that either makes them more fun or less fun to be with. And if a girl talks to you, smile and listen to every word she says. And if the opportunity arises… …For The Love Of Mike Kiss Her & Let Us Get Some Sleep! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a183cd/32.png) [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barkis_is_Willin)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/65 "2011-02-04T15:32:39Z")
Too bad you already posted on his Facebook page. Otherwise you could have texted him, “hey man, you doing anything for the Super Bowl?” Then he would have either said “yeah, come to my party,” or “yeah, I got plans, sorry.” Then you’d know whether or not you should go to his party. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/66 "2011-02-04T16:00:24Z")
I’ll bet that others will already be watching the game in the dorm lounge or the Rathskellar in the student union. And I’ll bet that some of the fraternities will also have open parties. If you just show up at one of these locations, no one is going to turn you away. You’re not going to overcome your shyness if you hide in your dorm room all the time. If this is a real problem for you (and it sounds like it is), you might want to talk to someone at the counseling office. ---
**Author:** ![justrob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9adbd/32.png) [@justrob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justrob)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/67 "2011-02-04T16:07:28Z")
Is this the same group of [friends](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=585927)that didn’t invite you to Harry Potter? ---
**Author:** ![PSXer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/68 "2011-02-04T16:16:58Z")
no it was different friends who went to Harry Potter. I keep ignoring the answers because I’m not getting the answers I want to hear. I am not good at conversations because I can only talk about a few subjects (and no one wants to hear me ramble on about Back to the Future or Arnold movies). I keep talking about the same things, for I know these things well and can talk about them. When I need to keep up talking, I fall back to one of my safe topics. I don’t know that he ignored my facebook message; maybe he just hasn’t seen it yet ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/69 "2011-02-04T16:36:52Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > Too bad you already posted on his Facebook page. Otherwise you could have texted him, “hey man, you doing anything for the Super Bowl?” Then he would have either said “yeah, come to my party,” or “yeah, I got plans, sorry.” Then you’d know whether or not you should go to his party. This. I about had a heart attack when I read the OP, as yesterday I set up a Facebook Event for a Superbowl party and invited about 40 friends. :smack: **PSXer** ’s is a different one, apparently, but still… Look, you’ve obviously got issues, **PSXer** , but you’ve got to learn how to handle stuff like this subtly and one on one, not publicly. It’s entirely possible that you’re NOT invited and shouldn’t show up. Then again, your Friend may be like me and not used to how Facebook works. I’m having a casual gathering. I don’t have a strict guest list. But I wanted to be sure that the Event was noticed by at least a specific group of people, and so I “invited” them by clicking on their usernames in my list. The Event is public, however, as is the party. I certainly didn’t mean to exclude anyone I didn’t Invite, but once it was done, I now see that while everyone who is my Friend can see the Event, they can also see that they weren’t specifically Invited. That sucks. I should have just left it Open and not sent Invites at all, but I didn’t know that when I did it. I did post this as my Status this morning to try an salvage the situation: > [@](#): > > By the way, I sent the “invite” to the Super Bowl party to those people I thought might be most interested/local…but if you can read my Facebook Status, you’re totally invited, too! Hope I didn’t hurt any feelings. Sometimes I’m not sure how this Social Media thing should work… ☹ …but I’m kind of sick that I may have inadvertently hurt anyone’s feelings. I’m not sure how you can fix this without becoming more socially awkward at this point. You shouldn’t have called him out in public (Facebook IS public), you should have asked him privately, and \*\*Barkis is Willin’\*\*s method would have been perfect. I think now you should drop it and chalk it up as a lesson in socialization. ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/70 "2011-02-04T16:37:20Z")
Why ask on Facebook if you can come when you were planning on coming anyway regardless of what he (or anyone else in this thread) has said? Or, if you genuinely wished to know (and adhere to) the decision of the host, why not call him up and ask him directly? I know you’ve already answered this. Because you’re afraid of the telephone and scared of rejection. OK, so what’s worse? Getting a direct answer from your friend in private, or him responding on Facebook to you and the 40 people invited that you’re not wanted? Which do you think is more rejecting? So if you’re THAT scared of rejection, why put yourself in a situation which has the potential to be 40 times more rejecting than a phone call? ---
**Author:** ![Grapefruit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@Grapefruit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grapefruit)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/71 "2011-02-04T16:43:02Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > I keep ignoring the answers because I’m not getting the answers I want to hear. Oh, in this case, you should definitely go! Just in case, though, make sure you bring your own lampshade because the night is going to get waaaacky, and you don’t want to be caught without a lampshade on your head. And forget about making new friends, since you’re obviously not comfortable with that. Just pick one fellow and follow him around endlessly, invite yourself to whatever events he’s invited to. And when that buddy gets a girlfriend, make sure you let him know that good friends share! ---
**Author:** ![PSXer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/48db29/32.png) [@PSXer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PSXer)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/72 "2011-02-04T16:45:57Z")
If I show up to the party uninvited, they wouldn’t just tell me to leave, even if they wanted me to leave, for they wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/73 "2011-02-04T16:50:18Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > If I show up to the party uninvited, they wouldn’t just tell me to leave, even if they wanted me to leave, for they wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings. So you’re willing to make 40 other people feel bad instead of you (1 person) simply finding something else to do that day? Shit, I wouldn’t invite someone like that to my party, either. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/74 "2011-02-04T16:58:15Z")
> [@Savannah](#): > > Why the hell do you keep asking questions and then roundly ignoring the very sensible answers? I’m guessing it’s for the same reason he posted in public on Facebook: to get pity. > [@PSXer](#): > > I keep ignoring the answers because I’m not getting the answers I want to hear. Then you shouldn’t bother asking. It’s obnoxious to ask people for advice and consideration when you don’t intend to listen to them in the first place. It wastes their time. This is why you’re getting more and more sarcasm and joke answers in these threads. ---
**Author:** ![2gigch1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/2gigch1/32/3313_2.png) [@2gigch1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2gigch1)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/75 "2011-02-04T17:07:06Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > I keep ignoring the answers because I’m not getting the answers I want to hear. Wow. You’re not going to go too far in life there buddy. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/76 "2011-02-04T17:13:12Z")
Do you read other threads on this forum? Ever noticed that people on this board tend to tell people the things they need to hear, rather than the things they want to hear? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/77 "2011-02-04T17:16:51Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > yeah it’s not so easy to meet new friends as everyone says. I am scared to try new things I really don’t want to tell you this, but here it is - college is the easiest time in your life to make friends. It is WAY HARDER (trust me) after college. You gotta work on this _now._ ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/78 "2011-02-04T17:19:54Z")
> [@Barkis\_is\_Willin](#): > > Too bad you already posted on his Facebook page. Otherwise you could have texted him, “hey man, you doing anything for the Super Bowl?” Then he would have either said “yeah, come to my party,” or “yeah, I got plans, sorry.” Then you’d know whether or not you should go to his party. This is _awesome_ advice from somebody who is obviously a social pro. I wouldn’t have thought of it, but it’s totally the way to go here. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/79 "2011-02-04T17:33:31Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Because I’ve seen you take Giraffe seriously before, I will point out that he is not actually serious. It’s his way of trying to be friends. **PSXer** , in light of this post, I strongly suggest you take **BigT** with you to the A-list Superbowl Party. He can help you decode complex social nuances so that by the time you are ready to Skype with your friends everyone is shaking your hand and clapping you warmly on the back. But if you don’t think you can get both of you into the party (the Enzyte commercials typically only had the one boner guy), maybe you could wear a bluetooth headset and have him coach you over the phone, Cyrano de Begerac style. Plus, guys who wear bluetooth headsets all the time look cool which will help you get into the A-list party. Either way, listen to him and do whatever he says. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103/80 "2011-02-04T17:48:12Z")
[quote=BigT;13428373 . . . But, unlike everyone else, I don’t think it was gauche to ask. It’s one of those “what does it hurt” moments. If someone doesn’t like you, why does it matter if you come off as a bit desperate? What are they going to do, not be your friend more?[/quote] It wasn’t gauche to ask, a simple private message would have beent he correct answer. What P did was to post publicly on the guy’s wall. That was setting himself up for public rejection. Now the host has to choose between publicly humiliating P, or lettinghim come. Or he could take the easy way out, which is to pretend he never saw the post. P - you have stated your intention to go to the party regardless, and we’ve let you know that’s a bit creepy. Do not expect to be friends with anyone there afterward. At this point you come across like a stalker. If you did this at one of the parties I attended in my 20’s, you would have found yourself duct-taped to a wall or ceiling beam. Now for heaven’s sake go delete that post. there may be one or two people left in your social group who haven’t seen it yet. Replace ti with a private message to your acquaintance asking why he doesn’t want you there. Tell him you are trying to understand your social problems and would appreciate some honest feed-back. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-so-called-friend-made-a-super-bowl-party-event-on-facebook-but-didnt-invite-me/570103.md?page=5)