# My son has died **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 6, 2018, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541 "2018-06-06T14:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/81 "2018-06-06T21:15:12Z")
First, let me express my sincerest condolences. I have read your threads about your son’s struggles over the years and I sorry he came to such an end. My sympathies. > [@Chefguy](#): > > I am paying for the mortuary services, which will run about $7,000. My family and ex-wife will incur expenses beyond that, however. We were able to get him on Medicaid that was retroactive to May 1st, but there are likely still medical bills out there that my ex will be paying, along with having to deal with his car and other possessions. They have set up a GoFundMe site to try to cover that, and to raise some money for his 12-year-old son. Listen to me carefully: _You and your ex need to contact a lawyer ASAP._ Most debt, including medical debt, dies with the person holding it. Especially when the person in question is clearly an adult and NOT on your medical insurance. Creditors will not tell you that. They will imply you are responsible for that debt. You are probably not, and don’t take on debt that isn’t yours. VERY IMPORTANT: do NOTHING to imply you will assume that debt, or that you will arrange payment for it. This isn’t necessarily an expensive consultation - you want a lawyer knowledgeable about family law and estates. Consult with the lawyer for about a half an hour about what is and isn’t your responsibility. Don’t add to your burdens by assuming debt that isn’t yours. The fact that he was living with your ex makes no difference - my husband was _married_ to me as well as living with me and the vast majority of his debt died with him. Seriously, she needs to consult with a lawyer to find out what she is and isn’t actually responsible to pay. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/82 "2018-06-06T21:19:33Z")
So sorry to hear of your son’s death, but glad to hear he was feeling your love as he died. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/83 "2018-06-06T22:08:45Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I haven’t heard back from the mod yet, but I’m going to post the link, since people are asking and take whatever spanking I get later on. Here it is: [Fundraiser by Marnisa Voiles : Keith's Memorial Fund](https://www.gofundme.com/keith039s-memorial-fund) I’m sorry for your loss. I sent you a PM, no problem here. ---
**Author:** ![tnetennba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tnetennba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tnetennba)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/84 "2018-06-06T22:09:56Z")
I’m so sorry Chefguy. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/85 "2018-06-06T22:28:52Z")
Very sorry for your loss. **Broomstick** has a good point. It’s unlikely that your ex is responsible for your son’s medical bills. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/86 "2018-06-06T22:32:35Z")
I can feel your heartbreaking, I am so sorry, my son is also 42 and I can’t imagine how I would take something like this. My thoughts are with you. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/87 "2018-06-06T22:36:55Z")
To all who wish to donate: I will match all donations dollar for dollar. The site was set up by my daughter, who was desperate to do something to honor his memory. She also wrote the lovely eulogy on that page. Thanks in advance for any donations. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/88 "2018-06-06T22:41:34Z")
I’m so sorry to hear this, and heartbroken for his children and for you and your ex. Please, please heed what **Broomstick** has said about his debts dying with him. There’s no obligation, legal or moral, for people to pay his bills. StG ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/89 "2018-06-06T22:46:02Z")
Good info on the debt. Thanks. That means that the largest part of what is donated will go to his son. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/90 "2018-06-06T22:50:10Z")
I’m sorry for your troubles. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/91 "2018-06-06T23:04:21Z")
I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine (and never want to) what that must feel like. May you find consolation. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/92 "2018-06-06T23:24:43Z")
So sorry **Chefguy**. My best to you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/93 "2018-06-06T23:46:31Z")
Saw the thread title and immediately thought “Poor Chefguy!”. But while having read what you previously wrote might blunt the shock, it doesn’t make this any easier. Really hope you keep posting, even if it seems like stuff no one’d want to hear. We want to hear it. And we hope you’ll continue to lean on us. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/94 "2018-06-06T23:49:52Z")
I am extremely sorry for your loss and I’m so sorry you are in such pain. My thoughts are with you and your family. I know it’s not much, but I’m sending you many hugs. Please take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/95 "2018-06-06T23:52:47Z")
I’m sorry for your loss. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Spurious\_George](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Spurious\_George](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spurious_George)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/96 "2018-06-06T23:58:00Z")
Deepest condolences for your loss. It is heartening to see an outpouring of support and love for a valued community member. Yet I return from an 8-year posting hiatus to echo **Broomstick** ’s advice - there is absolutely no reason for you or your ex to take on those debts, and plenty of good reason not to. ---
**Author:** ![yanceylebeef](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yanceylebeef/32/12290_2.png) [@yanceylebeef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yanceylebeef)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2018, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/97 "2018-06-06T23:58:08Z")
Jesus, **Chefguy** , I’m so sorry for what you and your family are going through. I don’t know if words can help you right now, but just know people are thinking of you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2018, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/98 "2018-06-07T00:35:46Z")
I am so sorry. This was heartbreaking to read. So very sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2018, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/99 "2018-06-07T01:01:05Z")
Sorry to hear this news Chefguy. ---
**Author:** ![Buttercup\_Smith](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buttercup_smith/32/473_2.png) [@Buttercup\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buttercup_Smith)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2018, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541/100 "2018-06-07T01:05:14Z")
You have my sincere condolences **Chefguy**. I hope in time your memories will be good ones. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-son-has-died/815541.md?page=6)