# My Standards Are Not Too High For Girls **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 28, 2012, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094 "2012-03-28T23:43:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/81 "2012-03-29T10:15:57Z")
I’ve wondered too if our Mr. **Yakuza** has been whooshing us for his entertainment, or if he’s a troll. I think there’s mixed evidence. I think it overall points to: No, not a troll and not whooshing us (or at least not mostly?) I think his trouble getting “free girls” and failing at college and being homeless, and everything else he’s told us, that’s all just symptoms of something deeper. How many of you are old enough to remember “The Adventures of Captain Klutz” by cartoonist Don Martin (of Mad Magazine fame)? Everything Mr. **Yakuza** had written reminds me so much of that! It sounds to me like Yakuza is majorly socially inept and had made a lot of lifestyle choices to work around that as best he can. As crappy as some of his choices seem, I think he might be making the best choices available to him, within the limits of what he is actually able to do. I think Yakuza has Asperger’s Syndrome. (Granted, I R not a Pshrinkologist.) Having lifelong trouble getting girlfriends (for a male aspie at least) is an extremely common disability among male aspies; female aspies commonly have other kinds of relationship problems. And living an entire life without ever being able to figure out a single living fucking clue why, is another common fact of aspie life, no matter how much bullshit double-talking barefaced lies (BSDL, commonly called “advice”) others give. Be it added that spending one’s career at low-paid menial jobs without ever actually making it to management is not unknown either. I wonder if Mr. Yakuza knows that there are message boards just for people with (mostly self-diagnosed) Asperger’s. [The Aspie Hangout](http://www.google.com/url?q=http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspies/start&sa=U&ei=TTR0T9eUIamtiAKm9OVL&ved=0CBAQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNGfiWE3nOEub9OZvsSi8cbiI0ObpA) is one such. ETA: Here’s a whole page full of links about Asperger’s. [http://www.dmoz.org/Health/Mental\_Health/Disorders/Neurodevelopmental/Autism\_Spectrum/Asperger’s\_Syndrome/](http://www.dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Neurodevelopmental/Autism_Spectrum/Asperger%27s_Syndrome/) ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/82 "2012-03-29T10:23:13Z")
And here’s the Wikipedia page: [Asperger syndrome](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome) ---
**Author:** ![Reply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/reply/32/15952_2.png) [@Reply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reply)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/83 "2012-03-29T10:34:33Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > And here’s the Wikipedia page: [Asperger syndrome](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome) That’s what immediately jumped to mind the first time I saw one of his posts, not that I’m a shrink. Whether or not he actually has it, unnecessarily mocking him is against the whole point of the SDMB and really, just plain mean. I’m not trying to junior mod, I’ve just seen too many disadvantaged friends get teased and hurt by people who don’t really understand them and think their different behavior is permission to dehumanize their suffering. It’s really not. ---
**Author:** ![dogbutler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogbutler/32/428_2.png) [@dogbutler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dogbutler)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/84 "2012-03-29T10:39:13Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > I’ve wondered too if our Mr. **Yakuza** has been whooshing us for his entertainment, or if he’s a troll. I think there’s mixed evidence. I think it overall points to: No, not a troll and not whooshing us (or at least not mostly?) > > I think his trouble getting “free girls” and failing at college and being homeless, and everything else he’s told us, that’s all just symptoms of something deeper. > > How many of you are old enough to remember “The Adventures of Captain Klutz” by cartoonist Don Martin (of Mad Magazine fame)? Everything Mr. **Yakuza** had written reminds me so much of that! > > It sounds to me like Yakuza is majorly socially inept and had made a lot of lifestyle choices to work around that as best he can. As crappy as some of his choices seem, I think he might be making the best choices available to him, within the limits of what he is actually able to do. > > I think Yakuza has Asperger’s Syndrome. (Granted, I R not a Pshrinkologist.) Having lifelong trouble getting girlfriends (for a male aspie at least) is an extremely common disability among male aspies; female aspies commonly have other kinds of relationship problems. And living an entire life without ever being able to figure out a single living fucking clue why, is another common fact of aspie life, no matter how much bullshit double-talking barefaced lies (BSDL, commonly called “advice”) others give. Be it added that spending one’s career at low-paid menial jobs without ever actually making it to management is not unknown either. > > I wonder if Mr. Yakuza knows that there are message boards just for people with (mostly self-diagnosed) Asperger’s. [The Aspie Hangout](http://www.google.com/url?q=http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspies/start&sa=U&ei=TTR0T9eUIamtiAKm9OVL&ved=0CBAQFjAA&usg=AFQjCNGfiWE3nOEub9OZvsSi8cbiI0ObpA) is one such. > > ETA: Here’s a whole page full of links about Asperger’s. > [http://www.dmoz.org/Health/Mental\_Health/Disorders/Neurodevelopmental/Autism\_Spectrum/Asperger’s\_Syndrome/](http://www.dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Neurodevelopmental/Autism_Spectrum/Asperger%27s_Syndrome/) I’m majorly socially inept, and work in retail, but I have an apartment, and a sort of girlfriend. Of course I don’t blow half my pay on hookers, either\*. And women appreciate good grammar and spelling in emails and texts. \*[Beavis and Buttheand]Heh, Heh I said “blow” and “hooker” in the same sentence. Heh, heh.[/BaB] ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/85 "2012-03-29T11:20:40Z")
> [@Yakuza](#): > > They have the gift 2 get free girls. More than half of the population has that gift, then? I find it difficult to believe. Seriously, if you took half of what you spend on hookers and use that for occasional coffee dates/movies with a fellow human being of female persuasion, you might actually get somewhere. Then use saved-up moneys towards a security deposit on an apartment, preferably after gathering up some (male) roommates? Your quasi-homelessness likely has more to do with turning off girls than the retail job.. we don’t mind low income, but we do mind creepy drifters. ---
**Author:** ![conurepete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@conurepete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/conurepete)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 11:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/86 "2012-03-29T11:39:57Z")
A lot of the teasing and hostility comes from the way the OP characterizes females a monolithic block of mercenary aliens who have a single interchangeable set of standards and only differ in terms of sexual availability and desirability. There is a strong implication that only men have a drive to seek out and enjoy sex and companionship but women only do it for the cash. He says we are all whores, but he can only afford escorts. When some of us tried to talk about this, his response is to dismiss women for being fat, ugly, or “Haters” (which is the coolest thing anyone has called me since my brother in law called me a Driud) ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/87 "2012-03-29T12:05:40Z")
He’s the homeless Woody Allen, “I wouldn’t want any of the ‘free girls’ who would be with me!” It’s a great shtick, you gotta admit. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/88 "2012-03-29T12:41:08Z")
I’m feeling sorry for the guy, even though he comes off as creepy. Even creepy guys want love, too, I guess. Yakuza, you need to come to grips with how frequenting prostitutes colors your view of women. These are not ‘relationships’ in the commonly understood use of the word. These are business transactions. When you then try to make relationship with non-prostitute women, they can probably sense that something seems “off” about the interaction. What are your goals with regards to women? Do you just want to seriously date? Just get laid? Do you want to date exclusively or multiple women? Do you want a long term relationship? Marriage? Family? I think if you could define what it is you want, you could then develop a plan to achieve the goal. I don’t think women are passing you by because you have a non-professional job. Most people have jobs like that. They are likely passing you by because they sense something off-putting about you and your attitude toward women. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/89 "2012-03-29T13:39:05Z")
So…if you hook up with a perfect ‘10’, but she’s a total bitch to you in private, is that good enough to you? I mean, you can show her off to your family and friends, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/90 "2012-03-29T13:55:21Z")
> [@Yakuza](#): > > They have the gift 2 get free girls. Well, its not like MACYs doesn’t take out ads and buy TV spots about their “gift days”… :smack: (I’ll be waiting for your next thread: “MACYs return policy unfair 2 low income workers”. 😉 ) ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/91 "2012-03-29T14:02:21Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I get the feeling the OP is the kind of guy who cries about his lack of luck with women, blaming his looks and income for his woes. When his idea of a date is staring across the table like a leering creep, and within an hour he has already asked when she is going to suck his dick. Hold on! Hold on! You gotta wait MORE than an hour?? Oh Goddamit, I been doing it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/92 "2012-03-29T14:09:40Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > I’ve wondered too if our Mr. **Yakuza** has been whooshing us for his entertainment, or if he’s a troll. I think there’s mixed evidence. This is the conclusion I’ve come to, so far. So … just a reminder to everyone to lay off the human insults. Perhaps we can fight a little ignorance here. **Yakuza** , you, too, bear some responsibility. If you’d like to be a member of the community here, you need to lay off posting about yourself and your rather unconventional method of approaching life and relationships. As you can see, it raises some questions as to your sincerity. This thread will remain open, but confine your remarks on this topic to this thread and don’t open any others. And look around and comment on other topics too. Ellen Cherry SDMB Moderator ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/93 "2012-03-29T14:11:57Z")
I apologise for oh my humanity. ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/94 "2012-03-29T14:14:11Z")
> [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > This is the conclusion I’ve come to, so far. Yep, pretty much. > [@Ellen\_Cherry](#): > > So … just a reminder to everyone to lay off the human insults. Are robot insults still allowed? Such as “01000011101001, 001010011110101 11000101000111!” ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/95 "2012-03-29T14:15:21Z")
> [@Astroboy14](#): > > Yep, pretty much. > > Are robot insults still allowed? Such as “01000011101001, 001010011110101 11000101000111!” :eek: Shut yo’ mouth! There might be children reading! ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/96 "2012-03-29T14:30:19Z")
NM ---
**Author:** ![Waxwinged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c2a13f/32.png) [@Waxwinged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waxwinged)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/97 "2012-03-29T14:40:10Z")
> [@ugly ripe tomato](#): > > :eek: Shut yo’ mouth! There might be children reading! Oh, the tiny robot children. Where would the world be without them. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/98 "2012-03-29T14:52:37Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > And here’s the Wikipedia page: [Asperger syndrome](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome) I really wish you people would quit diagnosing everyone with Aspergers. You seem to think that every time someone comes on here and says “things just aren’t working out for me socially,” they must be autistic. Aspies are usually high-functioning. They’re intelligent, well-read, and are obsessive about one subject. **Yakuza** has none of those traits. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/99 "2012-03-29T15:22:13Z")
> [@Yakuza](#): > > Ok, I gotta clear this up for me and for other good guys having a hard time finding a free girl. Someone in my last post felt like my standards are too high when it comes 2 choosing females. Well let me say that my standards are not too high. The reason I said I gotta clear this up for other good guys with tough luck as well is because a comm misconception is that good guys having a hard time getting a girl don’t have a girl is because they only want women who look real good. This is not true. It seems as though people with this misconception feel like us good guys with tough luck should just settle for someone without considering their looks even if they are unattractive. Let me tell u the reality of our expectations. What makes you a “good guy”? That’s you’re refering to women as females is often a bad sign that you don’t really respect women. Worse, your whole OP here is refering to her appearance with the one exception of “good soul”, whatever you mean by that. Where’s the consideration for her other aspects like intelligence, beliefs, sense of humor, hopes and dreams, all that other stuff, you know those things that make a woman into a human being instead of just a living sex toy. > [@](#): > > Yes, we do want a girl who looks good but not all of us bad luck guys expect the girl 2 be super fine like a internet model. I can be happy with a girl who looks decent. I mostly seek gils who are a 7 ,8, 9, or 10. I will sometimes take a 6 if she has some kind of extraordinary body feature. Does this make me a bad person? Of course not. I have the right 2 choose who I wanna be with. I just won’t take a girl lower than a 6 because I can’t be happy with an unattractive girl. I gotta have a girl I enjoy looking at and licking on. I want somebody I can feel comfortable showing off 2 my family and friends. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be with someone you’re not attracted to. Certainly sexuality is part of a romantic relationship. But, as with any other standard, whenever you just refuse to look at a set of people, you’re going to reduce your pool of candidates and it’ll take longer to find someone that meets them. IOW, no one says you have to lower your standards and be with someone that you won’t be happy with. But you have to realize that by setting standards at a certain level, you’ll be alone longer and if you’re single because of that, then its up to you to decide if your standards are too high or if you’re okay with waiting; you can’t both have really high standards and complain about being single. From the sounds of it though, you seem to be thinking of standards as only about a woman’s appearance and you’re quantifying it with a number. I’ve dated women that would probably rate around a 6-7 that I was really attracted to and also dated women that would rate as 9-10 that I just wasn’t attracted to at all. Why not just consider whether or not you’re attracted to her? Beyond that, and more importantly, why not consider other aspects of who she is and take that into account? For instance, I want to date someone who is intellectually compatible, has similar outlook, compatible personality, all sorts of things. You’re looking at standards as “you must be at least this good to date me”, which of course comes off very poorly. Instead, you should be “what am I looking for that will make both me and her happy”. > [@](#): > > And looks alone won’t make me automatically get with a girl. For instance, if a 7 is more of a good person than a 10, then I will choose the girl that is a 7 because she has good looks and a good soul. I’m not sure what you mean by “more of a good person” because. Moreso, you go on to say that the 7 is better than the 10 because she has good looks and a good soul. Well, who wouldn’t want a good looking person who is nice over a good looking person who isn’t. I’m not really sure what point you’re even trying to get across here except maybe try to convince us that you’re not shallow, but then it comes immediately back to looks. It doesn’t even sound like you really know what you want. EVERYONE wants a good looking nice person over an unattractive mean person. If that’s all you’re evaluating, no wonder you’re not having any luck because you not considering any of the aspects of what makes her her. > [@](#): > > And to answer the question I know a lot of u are wondering, yes I would rather pay a good looking girl rather than be with an unattractive free girl. Not out of foolishness, but because I can only be happy with a good looking girl This is the worst part. When I first read “free girl”, I assumed you meant single. However, based on this comparison, it’s seems to me that you mean “a girl I don’t have to have sex with”. It seems like your entire perspective is WAY off base. Bottom line, it doesn’t sound like your standards are too high, it sounds like you haven’t given yourself an honest evaluation or any real thought to what you’re looking for. Until you do that, you’re pretty much going on arbitrary guesses and throwing darts at potential dates… that’s a terrible way to do it. Worse, if you’re not sure what will work, you very well could meet a good match, but because you don’t realize that, it doesn’t work out. So, quite frankly, you just don’t sound like a “good guy” to me, much less what any women seeing these things would think. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_T](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3ec8ea/32.png) [@Gary\_T](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_T)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094/100 "2012-03-29T15:32:13Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > When I first read “free girl”, I assumed you meant single. However, based on this comparison, it’s seems to me that you mean “a girl I don’t have to have sex with”. It seems like your entire perspective is WAY off base. I don’t know if you made a typo or if you interpreted it differently from me, but I read it as “a girl I don’t have to _pay_ to have sex with.” Calling that a “free girl” certainly suggests a skewed perspective to me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-standards-are-not-too-high-for-girls/617094.md?page=6)