# My Step-father died last month. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 6, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138 "2006-12-06T22:56:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/1 "2006-12-06T22:56:55Z")
I’d known him virtually my whole life. My biological dad and my mother seperated when I was 4 and my step-dad has been there for as long as I can remember. He was my dad in all but name and biology. He brought me and my two brothers up from childhood and I lived with him and mum right until he died. Me and mum found him. He had gone to the bathroom to be sick and had died there. He had a brain heamorage. Me and mum are doing ok. My biggest source of strength is knowing I have to _be_ strong for my mother. Sure I’m greiving, and I was devestated (and fairly useless) for the first two weeks, but I’m functioning now, and getting through everyday-life knowing that my step-father did more in his fifty three years than most people manage to do in eighty or ninety. He was more liked and respected than anyone else I know or know of. He worked tirelessly for minorities in his mid-career (race-relations) and the elderly/disabled in has latter career (head of the IOM red-cross) I will miss him, but I am greatful for having known him and for being lucky enough to have been brought up and influenced by him. ---
**Author:** ![Satchmo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/satchmo/32/4223_2.png) [@Satchmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satchmo)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/2 "2006-12-06T23:22:26Z")
My sympathies, **Lobsang**. It sounds like your step-father was a very good man. Also, good job being there for your mother. ---
**Author:** ![Celyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9dc877/32.png) [@Celyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celyn)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2006, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/3 "2006-12-06T23:48:36Z")
Eek! I’m really sorry to hear that, **Lobsang**. Wishing strength for you and your mother. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/4 "2006-12-07T00:03:31Z")
I am sorry to hear of your loss. Sending supporting thoughts your way. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/5 "2006-12-07T01:08:35Z")
I’m sorry for your troubles, **Lobsang**. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![gardentraveler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gardentraveler/32/3576_2.png) [@gardentraveler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gardentraveler)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/6 "2006-12-07T01:12:43Z")
I’m so sorry to hear about your loss, **Lobsang**. Good thoughts headed your way. GT ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/7 "2006-12-07T01:24:40Z")
Deepest sympathy, **Lobsang**. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/8 "2006-12-07T02:22:31Z")
It might help to write him a letter. I had the opportinity to write my dad a letter, before he died, but I suspect that writing everything out might help, if only in a cathartic sort of way. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/9 "2006-12-07T03:02:32Z")
I’m sorry for your loss, Lobsang. My mother married my step-father when I was three years old. I was raised by him. I will be more sad when he passes away than when my father does. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/10 "2006-12-07T03:06:38Z")
Lobsang– You have my deepest sympathies. I hope you can find some source of peace and strength in this horrible time. ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/11 "2006-12-07T03:29:06Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/12 "2006-12-07T07:20:49Z")
Sorry for your loss, bud ☹ Hang in there - sounds like you are doing as good as possible so far. ---
**Author:** ![Li\_l\_Pluck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee59a6/32.png) [@Li\_l\_Pluck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Li_l_Pluck)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/13 "2006-12-07T11:23:11Z")
Speaking as someone who, for valid reasons, has virtually no relationship with his daddy, and having no step-father to speak of, I’m always touched when I hear of people who love, respect, and cherish their fathers and/or father figures. Sounds like you, your brothers, and your mother were very lucky. My condolences, **Lobsang** , and I hope that you’ll all be comforted by sweet memories of your step-father. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/14 "2006-12-07T13:02:47Z")
The loss of a good, decent man is everyone’s loss. My condolences. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2006, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/15 "2006-12-07T14:21:59Z")
My condolences to you and your mother, **Lobsang**. It’s good of you to be strong for your mother. But don’t neglect your own grief. I did that when my mom died, because I too involved in being strong for my Dad and sister. It ended up prolonging the process. ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2006, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-last-month/383138/16 "2006-12-23T01:17:40Z")
I didn’t want to leave the replies hanging… I honestly appreciate all the kind words. Thankyou to everyone who expressed their sympathy for mine and my mother’s loss. My step-father (I knew him as “Fred”) is never far from my thoughts. It still seems unfair and unreal that he has gone. In a few days myself and my mother are facing our first christmas without him. It has been difficult to function for both of us. I have my increased responsibilites at work and mum has her own job (in which she is irreplaceable) to cope with. We are doing well. I have never been superstitious (I am confidently atheist) but I have found myslef joining my mother in believing that Fred, in his afterlife, is helping us get through things.