# My step-father died yesterday **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 27, 2000, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778 "2000-09-27T18:06:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/1 "2000-09-27T18:06:05Z")
And boy do I feel guilty. I hated him for a long time because I blamed him for my parents break up. It took me along time to realize what he was giving my mom. He made her feel desirable, sexy, smart, beautiful and above all, loved. He had a long term illness, Multi-system Atrophy so we knew he was going to die, it’s just he was doing do well. No one thought he would go like this. He was such a sweet, kind man. He was excited about being a stepfather, because he finally had daughters(He has two sons). My whole body hurts, from crying and from the pain that I know my mom is feeling. ---
**Author:** ![h\_thur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/db5fbb/32.png) [@h\_thur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h_thur)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/2 "2000-09-27T18:11:14Z")
{{{{Poysyn}}}} ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/3 "2000-09-27T18:34:28Z")
My condolences to you **Poysyn**. Your step dad sounded like a decent chap. Upon marrying my mother, my stepfather promptly forgot how to earn a living, exposed my mother to seconhand smoke for so long it may have almost killed her (she is a cancer survivor), provided no sort of role model, never helped us with our homework and generally was a lazy rectal cavity. I would happily let him take the dirt nap if it would bring your stepfather back. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair. With Sincere Sympathy, Chris ---
**Author:** ![Serendipity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Serendipity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serendipity)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/4 "2000-09-27T18:35:47Z")
{{{{{{{{{{{Poysyn}}}}}}}}}}} ☹ I’m sending good thoughts your way. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/5 "2000-09-27T18:37:32Z")
His sons and daughters will be a living testament to his character:) ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/6 "2000-09-27T18:47:58Z")
I’m so very sorry. It just seems so wrong and unfair when good people are taken from us. You sound like you will be there for your mom. You must know that we will be here for you. Don’t allow guilt to consume you and trivialize the goodness of your realization about this man. Please don’t hurt yourself in that way. Again, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/7 "2000-09-27T19:40:51Z")
Thank you very much for your sympathies. I just wish that I had a chance to tell him. I know he knew I had issues with him before. The last time I spoke to them I was in such a bad mood too, bad migraine. My mom said I didn’t sound snappish but I know I felt snappish. I wrote a poem and she want me to read it at the service (that’s what happens when you are a writer. I hope I can make it through. It’s on Saturday. I leave for New Orleans in a week. ---
**Author:** ![Gregor\_Samsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a6a055/32.png) [@Gregor\_Samsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gregor_Samsa)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/8 "2000-09-27T19:51:52Z")
**Poysyn:** I wish there was something I could say to make the pain go away. I’m sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Bubble\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c0e974/32.png) [@Bubble\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bubble_Girl)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/9 "2000-09-27T21:43:18Z")
Poysyn I’m so sorry to hear about your stepfather. I can honestly say I know exactly how you feel if that helps though. My stepfather passed away a little over three years ago and there is not a day that goes by when I don’t think of him and wish I could have talked to him just one more time. He came into my mom’s life when I was a teenager and from the beginning I did not like him just because. Over the years as I have grown I came to realize what he meant to me and how much I loved him and that he wasn’t the bad guy I made him to be. He was a father to me when my own father wasn’t one. Your stepfather knew how you felt for him Poysyn just know that. I know it’s hard to believe now and please try and not feel guilty over the past. I truly believe there is never enough time for what we want to say but again he knew, I’m sure of this, that you loved him. Poysyn maybe you could let us see your poem that you wrote, I for one would like to see it if you are comfortable posting it. And I promise the pain does fade a bit over time. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/10 "2000-09-27T21:51:04Z")
My sincerest condolences, Poysyn, and to your mom as well. Rys ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/11 "2000-09-27T21:55:57Z")
**Poysyn** , I’m happy you were able to work things out with him and the two of you could have a few good years. He’s in my prayers. ---
**Author:** ![SILENT-BOB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@SILENT-BOB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SILENT-BOB)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/12 "2000-09-27T22:06:06Z")
☹ {{{:(}}} ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2000, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/13 "2000-09-27T22:29:36Z")
{{{{Poysyn}}}} ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/14 "2000-09-28T00:33:16Z")
I’m so sorry, Poysyn. It always hard to lose the ones we love, and you never feel as though you said everything you should have. I believe he knows what is in your heart. I pray you will find peace as you deal with your grief. (((((((((Poysyn))))))))) ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/15 "2000-09-28T01:02:34Z")
{{{{poysyn}}}} I’m so sorry to hear it. He sounds like he was a good man which of course only makes his loss harder to bear. Cherish the memories and give flow to the tears - a true man has left us today. Myt thoughts are with you and yours. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 7:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/16 "2000-09-28T07:37:55Z")
You and your family have my deepest sympathy, **Poysyn**. ---
**Author:** ![VaHermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ed655f/32.png) [@VaHermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VaHermit)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 8:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/17 "2000-09-28T08:11:29Z")
Allow me to add my condolences to the others here. Be strong for your mother and go easy on yourself, I’m sure your stepfather knew you cared. My thoughts and prayers are with you for a safe trip. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2000, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-step-father-died-yesterday/34778/18 "2000-09-28T10:53:29Z")
{{{{{{Poysyn}}}}}}} Don’t waste your energy on feeling guilty. Remember and enjoy the years you had a good relationship with him. Take care of you and take care of your Mom. We are here for you. (I’ve always adored my step-dad and can’t imagine the pain of losing him…)