# my stepmother is a bitch **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 21, 2001, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-bitch/88655 "2001-10-21T01:52:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Daikona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8baadc/32.png) [@Daikona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daikona)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-bitch/88655/121 "2001-11-01T15:47:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by n9e9o9 \* > **Usually one must sacrifice all his time to obtain Straight A’s right?** Not in my experience. I got straight A’s and had time to do other things. My sister gets straight A’s, plays 2 sports, is on the yearbook staff, and has a job, and she _still_ has free time to talk on the phone, play games, hang with friends, what have you. Most of my friends are the same way. Maybe we’re just atypical, I dunno. But it certainly isn’t _always_ true that you have to give up everything else to get good grades. ---
**Author:** ![Infectious\_Lass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e56c9b/32.png) [@Infectious\_Lass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infectious_Lass)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-bitch/88655/122 "2001-11-01T19:01:14Z")
_sigh_ I do think, for what it is worth, that you guys are being awfully hard on Shimmery. Why is it that whenever someone complains about a parent/step-parent, all the posters who are parents or step-parents themselves start projecting their own lives into the complaining poster’s post and _immeadiately_ assumes that poster b is a bratty spoiled squawking bratty-brat. Come on! Human relationships, be it fraternal or romantic, are fraught with conflict, both real and potential. Children and parents are going to disagree, they are going to have arguments! Any two people who associate with each other are going to have disagreements and points of conflict. I don’t honestly see what is so wrong with this. Disagreements and arguments are a part of the process whereby you resolve stuff, it is a part of communication and a near-unavoidable part of associating with other human beings. Jeez, I once happened to remark in a thread in passing about how my mum (and my dad for that matter) over-protect me and treat me like a small kid. (which they do! Serious problem that comes of me being the youngest and the only girl and only just recovering psycologically from a childhood of school bullying-I can understand it, and I know it is because they love me, but it drives me crazy! and I have to learn to be independent, they won’t be here forever) and I got jumped on by someone who was a mother and so it seemed to me at the time, was projecting herself and her relationships with her children onto _my_ post and she just assumed that I was some brat who was running down my poor long suffering saint of a mother. (and yeah, I probably should have clarified more in the first place so as to avoid such a misunderstanding, live and learn.) I have to admit that I took that way too personal and I over-reacted like a good’un but it did upset me that this person who knew nothing about my personal circumstances was judging me because she was identifying just a tad too much with the ‘mother vs. ungrateful child’ archetype. And I was like-yeah that’s nice and all but it _has nothing to do with my life_ So anyway all I am saying in my awkward way is, when someone has an argument with their mum, for gawd’s sake don’t take it personal! Maybe the mother is an awful person for all you know? Not everyone is perfect and it isn’t like you know all the facts. That’s how it seems to me, anyway. (it is kind of like objecting to criticism of all people who like Carrot Cake, on account of you are a person who likes Carrot Cake, or something! that’s the best way I can find to explain it 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![Gravity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gravity/32/14322_2.png) [@Gravity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gravity)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-bitch/88655/123 "2001-11-01T19:17:35Z")
Well, if you can’t just ask for an alarm clock straight out, you can always ask for one for christmas or the winter gift-giving holiday of your choice. I come from a very poor family, and one year _I_ asked for an alarm clock for Christmas - the kind that you wind up, with little bells and a hammer on the top. No one that I know would be able to sleep through the racket that that thing made. ---
**Author:** ![shimmery](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@shimmery](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shimmery)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-bitch/88655/124 "2001-11-01T21:03:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diane \* > Just one question. Do you think that your hateful feelings for your stepmom makes your dad happy or sad? You’re right… but since I try not to be openly antagonistic to her, it’s not that bad. And I can’t help it if I don’t like her. Even though I don’t make my “hateful feelings” blatantly obvious to my dad all the time, I wouldn’t lie to him if he asked me. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Manda JO \* > You have rejected every suggestion made with “I can’t, won’t work.” You have ignored suggestions about how you might negotiate for more freedom (formal, written requests, reasoned negotiations). Actually, in almost all of my posts I have thanked those who suggested things that might work. I don’t feel that any other comment is necessary when I agree with the poster. I have only elaborated on those things that won’t work for me. > [@](#): > > Furthermore, don’t think your step-mother and father can’t sense your antaganism. Just becasue you go straight to your room dosen’t mean you don’t send “sullen teenager” rays all through the house. Again, I have specifically told both my father and my stepmother that I think we should be in family therapy. I dunno, maybe I’m not being clear enough about how I feel. Furthermore, most of the other people who have contributed to this thread think that it’s a _good_ thing if they can’t sense my antagonism. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-bitch/88655/125 "2001-11-02T02:36:59Z")
Man you guys are harsh! Don’t you remember being fifteen? I do. It sucked. Remember having to ask to go out of the house to do the most minor errands? Having to answer lists of questions in order to get permission to go anywhere? Keeping in constant contact with the mothership? Not being allowed to go places without a group of people? Not having the money to buy the things that you need, and having your arguments for why you need them fall of deaf ears? Not really having a say in time managment (like being able to do non-essential chores when you aren’t exhausted)? Being utterly reliant on others for transportation (a horrible thing in the spread-out suburbs). If **Shimmery** says she can’t do something, it is probably because she can’t. Even with relativly reasonable parents, getting through everyday life can be hard. Imagine if to get to the post office to mail a package you had to [ul] Ask for the five bucks for postage Justify why you need that five bucks for postage Ask for a ride to the post office Not get ride- ask for dollar for bus to post office Not given dollar- save lunch money for bus Covince friends to go with you because you aren’t allowed to that part of town by yourself Friends agree to go at four o’clock on Saturday Mom decides that floor must be vacuumed at four o’cock on Saturday Finish vacuuming at five (with friends standing around watching) Leave Call mom upon reaching post office to assure you got their safely (and you assure that you are really at the post office, not an opium den) Line is too long and you have to leave because you have to be home before it gets dark (damn daylight savings) Bus is late, get yelled at for breaking curfew anyway Ask for ride to post office Told no- your grounded for getting home late [/ul] I can remember many incidences like this from my teenager hood. Even though the rules were usually pretty fair and justfied, life is pretty restrictive at fifteen. Despite what you all say about adulthood, fifteen year olds are no where near adulthood and nowhere near the freedoms needed to take on adult responsibilities. In my state you aren’t even allowed to work until you are sixteen, and discretionary income was next to impossible to gain. No one was willing to pay for babysitting, lawn-mowing, etc. because they expect their kids to perform said chores. All our spending money came from leftover lunch money (and some were worse, they had to beg their parents for lunch money or scrounge for it). Oh man, just thinking about it gives me the willies. Now tack on to this a bad family situation. Throw in yelling and fights. Imagine trying to ask for bus money from someone with whom you share a mutual hostility. Try being dependent on someone like that for your most basic needs. I had enough trouble with a mother that I got along with! I can’t even imagine trying to get through teenagerhood with people whom I didn’t like. **Shimmery** , all I can say is hang on till adulthood, because even though it is a lot of work, it is a lot better. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-bitch/88655.md?page=6)