# My stepmother is a vandal and a theif **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 10, 2002, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295 "2002-08-10T19:07:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/21 "2002-08-11T00:21:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kung fu lola \* > \*\*And for the last time _It was an accident that my stuff got left out. I didn’t do it on purpose._ \*\* I believe you, but I’m sure your step-mother didn’t care _why_ she found your journal containing material inappropriate for a 10YO boy _for a second time_. It was an honest mistake on your part, but I’ll bet it’s a mistake you’ll never make again. In future you won’t leave out books containing pictures or naked woman and descriptions of self-mutilation, and that was probably your step-mother’s intention. Or maybe she’s just a bitch. If that’s the case, alice\_in\_wonderland’s advice is dead on. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/22 "2002-08-11T00:28:36Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland_ > **Well if you’re paying 1/3 of your income in rent, why don’t you move out then?** Because 1/3 of my income in Ottawa wouldn’t even pay for one months’ rent in a fleabag hotel. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/23 "2002-08-11T00:30:08Z")
And **Cajo** , if she really did follow through on her threat, why wasn’t I able to find it in the garbage afterwards? Did it vanish into teh cosmos after being thrown in the bin? ---
**Author:** ![PotLuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbce88/32.png) [@PotLuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PotLuck)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/24 "2002-08-11T02:03:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kung fu lola \* > \*\*And **Cajo** , if she really did follow through on her threat, why wasn’t I able to find it in the garbage afterwards? Did it vanish into teh cosmos after being thrown in the bin? \*\* I don’t know what your stepmother did with your journal, kung fu lola. Perhaps she tore it to shreds or burned it and then flushed the remains; I’ll bet she was angry enough when she found it. Perhaps she stashed it somewhere and plans to give it back to you when she feels you’ve learned your lesson and have been adequately punished. Or perhaps she _meant_ to put your journal in the garbage but left it lying around by accident. Did you ask your little brother if _he_ has it? ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/25 "2002-08-11T02:32:49Z")
> [@](#): > > Or perhaps she meant to put your journal in the garbage but left it lying around by accident. Did you ask your little brother if he has it? LOL! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WV\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@WV\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WV_Woman)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/26 "2002-08-11T03:06:27Z")
I’m having trouble understanding why she’s a vandal. Did she take a crayon and color the naked lady or something? ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/27 "2002-08-11T03:37:18Z")
She destroyed my property by (allegedly) throwing it in the trash. ---
**Author:** ![AmbushBug](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ambushbug/32/4600_2.png) [@AmbushBug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AmbushBug)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/28 "2002-08-11T03:53:45Z")
Could you contrive a situation where you have a friend over (perhaps the friend who was going to burn you those tunes) and sweetly ask your stepmom, in the presence of your friend, where your journal was? Then, if she cops to the theft/destruction of the journal, you have a witness to attach an affidavit to the police report you’ll be signing 🙂 Well, it’d be fun to think about, anyway… ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/29 "2002-08-11T04:04:24Z")
I haven’t read the thread, but I noticed the name of a certain poster who had the last reply, so I wanted to say: **AmbushBug**! OMFG! I thought I was the only person on the planet who remembered that comic. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/30 "2002-08-11T04:30:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kung fu lola \* > \*\*Because 1/3 of my income in Ottawa wouldn’t even pay for one months’ rent in a fleabag hotel. \*\* Or a room all to yourself in a lovely surbaban bungalow, featuring all the food you can eat, TV and computer access, laundry facilities, and a nosey step-mother who doesn’t want her 10 year old looking at porn. So. Flea-bag motel, or nosey step-mother. You choose, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/31 "2002-08-11T04:44:35Z")
I find it somewhat disgusting that if a roommate did this, it would be considered at least, the height of rudeness, and at most a crime. Lola is an adult paying rent to live in a house. Why does this other woman get to act with impunity over her in a grossly unfair fashion, and Lola told to suck it up? ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/32 "2002-08-11T04:51:19Z")
There was no porn, alice. It wasn’t anything you wouldn’t see hanging in a Renior exhibit. And like I said before, if someone is old enough to understand about privacy, it follows that they know enough not to read another person’s journal. I think my stepmother is grossly negligent in her son’s upbringing if it’s too much trouble to teach him about privacy and boundaries. If I had left my notebook unattended for 5 hours in the wee sma’s at my mother’s house, it would have still been lying on the coffee table, untouched, when I woke up. This is because my mother and my stepfather are moral, principled individuals who aren’t compelled to control other people or play Thought Police. And thank you, matt. You’re a doll. ---
**Author:** ![NightRabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbce88/32.png) [@NightRabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NightRabbit)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/33 "2002-08-11T05:11:23Z")
**Matt** , I think a similar situation with anyone else would be treated the same way. It seems that **Lola** is paying less than market-value rent to live at home and, in exchange for the discount, the stepmom expects a few behavioral concessions in return. If I had a 10-yr old son, I would have a serious beef with my roommate leaving out “inappropriate” (in my eyes) materials where he might pick it up. She can’t say she wasn’t warned. I bet she’s a lot more careful with her journals from now on. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/34 "2002-08-11T05:16:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*I find it somewhat disgusting that if a roommate did this, it would be considered at least, the height of rudeness, and at most a crime. Lola is an adult paying rent to live in a house. Why does this other woman get to act with impunity over her in a grossly unfair fashion, and Lola told to suck it up? \*\* Hey - I just suggested that she move out. I’m sure I do all sorts of things that piss my roommate off, but I don’t charge her a helluva lot of rent, so she kinda has to put up with them. You get what you pay for, I guess. Besides lola, why don’t you live with yer mom and step-dad? As to the porn, it’s certainly not the picture I was refering to when I said porn, but self mutilation stories are a bit over the top for a 10 year old. I can understand why she was pissed that you left it hanging around. As to the privacy thing - he’s 10 and can probably be forgiven for snooping. You’re an adult - step-mom asked you to keep your book put away. I can see why she would be pissed that you didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/35 "2002-08-11T05:35:00Z")
I can understand why she’d be concerned, but I will never understand why she thinks she is justified in taking my things and throwing them in the garbage - I know she made the threat, but did she really have to make it in the first place? The coffee table is right next to my room, it would have taken less energy for her to open my door and place the book on my table, than it did for her to stomp up the stairs, yelling things I could barely hear through my sleepyness, and make a big production of throwing it in the bin. And the note she left me 6 months ago - who is she to judge what I choose to write in my private space, between two opaque cardboard covers that don’t reveal anything unless you actually make a move to open them? The journal I accidentally left out wasn’t even the same one from the first time - how did she know the one I forgot about on Thursday wasn’t full of entries about fluffy pink bunnies and how much I love Jeebus? ---
**Author:** ![Primaflora](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Primaflora](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Primaflora)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/36 "2002-08-11T05:35:32Z")
If my adult stepdaughter did what you did, we’d be having a serious talk about where you were going to be living from now on. If roommate did it, likewise. While I would not have destroyed your notebooks, I also would not allow a putative adult to leave materials such as you describe in the general living area where my children could see them. I’d cut you some slack the first time although I would be amazed that anyone would think it was acceptable to ‘forget’ when kids are in the house. the second time, rest assured all hell would break loose. matt, if there were no children in the picture, you would have a point but it wasn’t the first time lola had done this. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/37 "2002-08-11T05:38:46Z")
Oh, at least my Dad sort of sided with me though - I overheard him telling her to “Shut up” about it when she went on a tirade about it (it sounded like he was tired of listening to her shrewish harping). And the goodbye he gave her before he left on his business trip that morning was less than affectionate. Wow - my Dad actually sided against The Harpy - must mark this day on my calendar. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/38 "2002-08-11T05:40:23Z")
It wasn’t the “general living area”. It was the basement, which is where I live and where the laundry room is. No one spends time down there but me. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/39 "2002-08-11T05:55:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by kung fu lola \* > \*\*M-O-N-E-Y. > > So I guess if adults sharing a space don’t need to respect one another’s privacy, I can go around throwing away things of hers that I find offensive, then. \*\* Money? Rooms in Ottawa go for $400-$450 per month, so don’t use money as an excuse for not leaving the nest. As far as adults sharing a space goes, that does not describe your situation. You are an adult in years, but in actuality you are an over-age child who has not left the nest. When you set off on your own, you will be able to call the shots. Until then, don’t whine when previously explained reasonable rules and sanctions are carried out when you break them. Don’t go expecting the rights of a self-supporting, independent adult until you are willing to take on the responsibilities of a self-supporting, independent adult. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2002, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295/40 "2002-08-11T06:11:39Z")
Excuse me, this woman STOLE a personal object from another adult woman. If someone stole shit from me, especially something like a journal, sketchbook, or diary, I would have the police on their ass. I don’t care if they were letting me stay for free in Fallingwater Mansion and giving me a blowjob every morning, you do not steal and destroy people’s shit. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepmother-is-a-vandal-and-a-theif/123295.md?page=3)