# My stepson - Episode III: The drunkening **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2006, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551 "2006-02-14T22:56:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/61 "2006-02-15T22:48:58Z")
I’ve seen this happen plenty of times. Specifically, my younger brother (who I’ve mentioned here before). A recap on him: Failed 9th grade - 3 times - my mother somehow managed to keep it from my father who would have tossed him out on his ass. From the time heas 17 until now (39) he has: 6 DUIs 2 jail times (2-3 weeks each) Married & divorced 4 times Has 4-6 children (depending on whose DNA you want to believe) Longest time spent in one job before the drugs & alcohol took over: 9 months Current status: living with parents (along with my 48 year old sister). Guys I went to school with did the sex, drugs, & rock and roll route. All went through years of hell before they figured out how to make better choices. Is my stepson salvagable? Yes. However, only my wife has the key. Once he starts accepting responsibility for his actions WITHOUT mommy lending hand, he’ll figure it out. There was one incident at the pawn shop that stands out: a man comes in with a handful of pawn tickets - all for long guns. He wanted to know of the still had them. We did although a couple were out for sale. Turns out his 18-year-old son was pawning them to buy drugs. Each time the father would pay to get them out. Except this time. He explained the situation and we offered to knock off all the service charges. He refused but asked that we pull the ones for sale off the floor. The next day, the police confiscated the guns. The man had his son arrested. He was on the verge of tears. He paid the fees even though he didn’t have to. If your stuff is stolen and pawned, the shop has to either eat it or press charges against the pawner. He absolutely refused to take the money back. There were 4 or 5 guns involved. That’s five felonies. I have no idea what happened to the kid. Hopefully he got his act together. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/62 "2006-02-15T22:50:15Z")
My advice to you would be to keep working on Mom. Don’t alienate her by bitching and harping, just try constructive criticism. Talk to her when it isn’t mid-crisis. I’m sure she knows that what she’s doing is wrong for him. Maybe she’s afraid he won’t love her if she’s “mean” to him. Some moms will eventually see the light. I did, as I said to you in the other thread. Bio- and step-parenting is a rough job. I feel for you, and your wife. The kid _is_ only 16. Yes, he can get into a lot more trouble before it’s over. But he’s too young to give up on. And maybe you can get through to him before it’s too late. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/63 "2006-02-15T22:53:09Z")
> [@Dr. Drake](#): > > 1. Leave the child’s family altogether. Leaving someone you love is a hard thing, even if it is best. I’m sure MBS doesn’t want to have to deal with this kid for the rest of his life. But leaving isn’t always the best option, it is one of the options on the floor right now. There’s also the option of just trying to let it roll off his back. Although this depends on how far the mom is willing to take this. If she’s like my brother’s wife and insists on funding his life until the day she dies, I think it’ll be hard for MBS to be happy especially if that money starts coming from his pay check. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/64 "2006-02-15T22:55:46Z")
> [@Dr. Drake](#): > > MBS has my sympathy, too. > > Regarding the quote above, I don’t think anyone is saying to let this kid rot. It’s just that MBS has three options: > > 1. Help the child himself (effectively impossible for the reasons listed above) > 2. Not help the child, remain in the situation, and be miserable > 3. Leave the child’s family altogether. > > (I vote #3, by the way, but I understand it’s not my call.) > > It’s not so much that I think the kid is irredeemable, it’s that MBS is not in a position to help. In other words, it’s not his responsibility because Mrs. Sky won’t let him take responsibility. I think all of us, Mr. Blue Sky included, would RATHER he stay in the situation, if and only if he’s allowed to give the kid some consequences and make them stick. But since he can’t help, why should he suffer? Well, judging by the names people have been calling him, it doesn’t strike me as a love-fest. I just think leaving or kicking the kid out are very last options and it’s not time for that yet. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/65 "2006-02-15T23:22:24Z")
**Kalhoun** , you seem to be missing the dynamics of the relationship between Mr. and Mrs. Sky. This isn’t just about a kid acting up; in my opinion, that is actually the smallest part of this problem. The bigger problem here is the relationship between Mr. Blue Sky and his wife, and how his wife is disrespecting him yet still expecting him to support her and her son. The key here is Mrs. Sky. If she grows a pair and presents a united front with Mr. Blue Sky and doesn’t let the kid get away with any more shit, chances are it will benefit her son, not to mention saving her marriage. She doesn’t seem willing to do that, though. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/66 "2006-02-15T23:42:11Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > Can’t do that. Our mortgage is set up on automatic draft. My paycheck is direct depostied and that’s the account the draft comes from. I get paid every two weeks. She gets paid monthly. I would not be able to get enough money together to get out. I certainly couldn’t afford a lawyer. well … couldnt you open another account and inform your employer that you changed your bank connection … doesnt solve the underlying problem, but could buy you time :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2006, 11:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/67 "2006-02-15T23:52:03Z")
While I appreciate everyone’s comments and opinions, really I do, I am not going to be run out of my house by this kid. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/68 "2006-02-16T00:10:46Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > While I appreciate everyone’s comments and opinions, really I do, I am not going to be run out of my house by this kid. Are you going to let him do whatever he wants, though? Right now (apparently) he’s mostly been doing things involving a truck his dad gave him and ostensibly his mother has provided a lot of the finances to fix the shit he gets in. What are you going to do when he becomes a money sieve that severely reduces your quality of life because your wife is depleting household funds in general far above and beyond just what she earns? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/69 "2006-02-16T00:17:57Z")
> [@Martin Hyde](#): > > Are you going to let him do whatever he wants, though? Right now (apparently) he’s mostly been doing things involving a truck his dad gave him and ostensibly his mother has provided a lot of the finances to fix the shit he gets in. > > What are you going to do when he becomes a money sieve that severely reduces your quality of life because your wife is depleting household funds in general far above and beyond just what she earns? I’ll worry about that when it happens. It’s not like all of our money is going to him is some way. This DUI thing is the first major thing to come along. All repairs on the truck are done by his father. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2006, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551/70 "2006-02-16T02:46:38Z")
Closed at the request of the OP. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-stepson-episode-iii-the-drunkening/344551.md?page=3)