I don’t think that’s a bad idea. It’s not an admission of weakness or failure; it’s simply saying, “I don’t know how to do this.”
This would never be an option. I’ve seen these guys on the various daytime talk shows, but the kids on the show who were being sent to boot camps are almost animals.
My stepson in not even remotely that bad.
This was suggested to me as a way of starting a discussion of my father’s health problems, and perhaps it will help you with your wife.
Some background - my dad is in congestive heart failure and has a host of other ailments common to a 86-year-old who developed deep seated infection after a hip replacement. Until a month or two ago, he and my mother only spoke about his problems in the context of a temporary set back that he would recover from completely. Despite the fact that my mother needs to call the police or an ambulance when my dad falls down (because neither he nor she can get him back up) they will not entertain ANY talk of assisted care.
Here’s what worked for them and might for your wife. Have a discussion centering on the what if. Talk along the lines of the “When will we know that things are out of control?” Don’t argue with her that you require help now. Rather, spend your energy exploring what would have to happen for her to agree to take action. Where is that line over which nobody can cross - not even her son?
It gets her to think in some concrete terms in a non-threatening way.
That’s really good, Long Time. I think I can use that with my husband, too, the guy who won’t let me paint the house, but isn’t finding the time to do it himself.
My inlaws have a late-40-something daughter who started drinking and having sex around age 12 and doing drugs soon after, and hasn’t stopped since. They’re still bailing her out financially - and even out of jail - because after all, she’s their daughter and they don’t want her living on the street or whatever. Are you sure your wife will even respond to a major event?
Well, if the parallel to my parents continue, then no. My 39-year-old brother AND my 48-year-old sister are living with my parents right now.
I think you also need to look at what your limits are, Mr. Blue Sky, so you don’t end up enabling an enabler. Ultimatums aren’t good for relationships, I understand that, but there may come a time when it truly does come down to “him or me.” You deserve to have a peaceful life with your wife, and if your wife won’t help you make that happen, you still deserve a peaceful life.
Sorry, I didn’t get back on Tuesday. The appointment with the school was delayed until Thursday.
Well, he’s in. He’s agreed to get a part time job and help pay back the money the school will cost us. Of course, whether that actually happens…
After much contemplation, I have figured out what my wife’s problem is: Martyr Syndrome.
When she was married before, she had to do everything around the house: cook, clean, laundry, pay the bills (which she’s not that good at), and take care of the kids. It explains why she didn’t want any confrontations around the house. She decided to choose her battles and, unfortunately, she ended up choosing the wrong ones.
When I came along, I was more than willing to help in as many departments as possible. I can’t cook, so she got to keep that one. She didn’t like the way I did laundry, so she kept that one, too. We did go grocery shopping together at first, but she decided it’d be faster if she did it herself.
I think you can see where this is going.
She was so used to doing everything herself, she just couldn’t let go of it. With the exception of paying the bills and keeping the cars running, she’s back to doing everything she was doing before.
I now have to figure out a way to suggest we go to counseling.
How about, “Honey, I love you, but you’re not listening to me when I point out problems. I would like you to go to counseling with me. If not, I will go on my own.”
Good luck.