# My two best friends are dating each other, behind my back **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 15, 2005, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-two-best-friends-are-dating-each-other-behind-my-back/317053 "2005-08-15T04:14:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 2\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![OhFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecccb3/32.png) [@OhFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OhFace)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2005, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-two-best-friends-are-dating-each-other-behind-my-back/317053/61 "2005-08-16T22:10:31Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > Did you react to her saying “yes” by whining and crying and making a big scene over it? Did you accuse her of not loving you because she called you fat? If you had done this sort of thing in the past, do you think she would have been as willing to be truthful in this instance? Many people faced with this just say it looks nice to avoid the inevitable argument. It isn’t exactly the most mature way to handle the situation, but the lie-ee brought it upon himself by not reacting reasonably to the truth. No I did not react that way. I see your point but the OP says this is his “best friend.” People I’m not that close with may just lie to aviod hurting me, but my best friend will always tell me the truth no matter what. That’s the way I prefer it, but I guess maybe not everyone wants to always hear the truth. ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2005, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-two-best-friends-are-dating-each-other-behind-my-back/317053/62 "2005-08-16T22:37:47Z")
> [@fusoya](#): > > About an hour later I talked to my other friend. I wasn’t even able to finish explaining that I knew what was going on when he started bitching me out for bringing it up with him again. He accused me of a number of things that some of my fellow dopers did, and finally told me not to call him anymore, and hung up on me. Since my other friend wanted to know how things went with him, I called her back and explained, and she immediately began talking about how this was probably a mistake getting involved with him anyway. I’m not sure if she’s saying that to try to cover things up even more, or if she’s being sincere. At least if they do break up, it won’t completely be my fault. Yikes. I’ve been following this thread, and have been pretty much of the same mind as “grow a set, buck up, be an adult about it, wish them well, etc” and figured you were hearing plenty of that for me to add my voice. But congratulations, it at least appears that you are trying to be mature about this, and good on you for it. Everyone feels strongly about certain issues in their lives, I won’t condemn you for feeling how you feel about things. We all make mistakes and bad judgements sometimes… which leads me to this: I’m not saying this to be nasty, and wouldn’t react the way your friend did myself, however, I might be able to understand why he reacted as he did. Even if you are acting maturely now, he can’t know that - and this call might have been the “last straw”. You have pestered them in the past about it, and they didn’t want to talk about, so why should this time be any different (in his eyes?) You were told it was none of your business, and the girl has now told you why: they weren’t sure how things would go between them. You have persisted in making it your business. They lied, not just for your sake, but for their own. And now, in his eyes, you have meddled too far. What I am saying now is BEWARE. You may lose at least one friend. You see, if they break up, who will he blame? You. It doesn’t matter what the logical reasons are, what the true circumstances are, or how mature you have learned to act - he will see you as the meddler who broke him and his girl up. Motive, you see. Whether that was your true intention or not, you’ve just framed yourself. The crush on her, the anger at the “betrayel” (that actually had a reason), the meddling, and worse: the fact that you called her and told her how he reacted, and it seemed (she may have already thought this, but he won’t see it that way) to have soured her opinion of him. All of these are counts against you. I’m not saying any of it is rational or right, but it could happen. Anyway, I hope that’s not how it goes, but be ready for it if it does. I wish you good luck. Chin up, welcome to the world of adults, and all that. Try to be the bigger person no matter what happens. I know it’s hard sometimes… what’s that line from a Smiths song? “It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate, it takes strength to be gentle and kind.” Seriously, good luck, and I hope whatever happens is for the best and to your long-term benefit - girl or no girl, friend or no friend, both or neither. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-two-best-friends-are-dating-each-other-behind-my-back/317053.md?page=3)