# My Wife Decided to Pack up the Kids and go out for Supper. Help Needed - FAST **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 12, 2008, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280 "2008-07-12T23:44:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/121 "2008-07-16T14:30:42Z")
[QUOTE=Labrador Deceiver] Did anyone actually read the OP? This is like the 40th post that accuses him of “yelling” and a “level of anger” over vegetables and TP. Again, did anyone actually read the entire post? [/QUOTE] HIs words were that he “confronted” his wife. Even after the fact, he is typing in all caps on a message board. Most people minimize how much they show of their anger level in a situation like this. I am extrapolating. And yes, I have read the entire thread. It seems that there are all sorts of things bubbling beneath the surface in this relationship. We certainly don’t have all the facts - this is my interpretation, and you can do whatever you want with my opinion. But is nobody willing to acknowledge that if I (and others in this thread) see taking the kids out for dinner as no big deal, and certainly not the equivalent of taking them hostage, that maybe **Leaffan’s** wife doesn’t believe she is taking them hostage or using them as pawns? ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/122 "2008-07-16T14:34:35Z")
[QUOTE=Eva Luna] HIs words were that he “confronted” his wife. Even after the fact, he is typing in all caps on a message board. Most people minimize how much they show of their anger level in a situation like this. I am extrapolating. [/QUOTE] He’s pissed that she grabbed the kids and left. That is why he was typing in all caps. He said nothing about the manner in which he “confronted” her, so nobody has any right to project that kind of behavior onto the situation. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/123 "2008-07-16T14:37:14Z")
[QUOTE=Labrador Deceiver] He’s pissed that she grabbed the kids and left. That is why he was typing in all caps. He said nothing about the manner in which he “confronted” her, so nobody has any right to project that kind of behavior onto the situation. [/QUOTE] I can extrapolate whatever I feel is warranted. You, in turn, can ignore me. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/124 "2008-07-16T14:39:17Z")
[QUOTE=Eva Luna] I can extrapolate whatever I feel is warranted. You, in turn, can ignore me. [/QUOTE] Sure you can. It isn’t reasonable, and adds nothing to the discussion other than a level of dishonesty, but I’m sure you’ll win some admirers with your “It’s a free country” defense. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/125 "2008-07-16T14:41:37Z")
[QUOTE=Labrador Deceiver] Hell no. Turning things around on the OP is the single most popular game played on these message boards. You have to give the people what they want. [/QUOTE] I know, I know. The Golden Rule doesn’t apply on the internet. 😃 He’s specifically stated that he did not blow up at his wife multiple times in this thread, so unless we’re adding ‘‘liar’’ to our list of insults, this is at least one point that’s settled. ---
**Author:** ![Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@Crowbar\_of\_Irony\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crowbar_of_Irony_3)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/126 "2008-07-16T14:43:09Z")
[QUOTE=Eva Luna] Look, my parents are divorced. They sued each other for years afterward over stupid shit, too. I’ve been there. I still don’t see what the big deal is. Maybe his wife thought the kids might like going out to eat. Maybe she thinks she’s better at containing her anger than he is, so as to expose the kids to a minimum of visible anger. I don’t know. But taking the kids out for a burger is a far sight from shouting “I’m leaving you for good!” and driving away with the kids and all their belongings. [/QUOTE] What is the ‘missing link’ here is how mum rounded up and packed the kids into the car. Was it done, erm, discreetly? Was it done after a royal battle of shouting and quarreling? Kids have ears too, and they are not dumb… ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/127 "2008-07-16T14:45:31Z")
[QUOTE=Labrador Deceiver] Sure you can. It isn’t reasonable, and adds nothing to the discussion other than a level of dishonesty, but I’m sure you’ll win some admirers with your “It’s a free country” defense. [/QUOTE] Dishonesty? How? All sorts of people are stating their opinions here. Some people agree with me, some people agree with you. I may be wrong in the end, but based on what’s been written here so far, and my comparison of it with my own life experiences, which happen to include growing up in a house with parents who eventually divorced (though I don’t remember them ever having a serious argument in my presence while they were still married), I have an opinion. It happens to be different than yours. What’s the problem? ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/128 "2008-07-16T14:46:47Z")
[QUOTE=CrazyChop] What is the ‘missing link’ here is how mum rounded up and packed the kids into the car. Was it done, erm, discreetly? Was it done after a royal battle of shouting and quarreling? Kids have ears too, and they are not dumb… [/QUOTE] Obviously, it hasn’t been stated here, and so I have no clue. I’m guessing that if there had been shouting and screaming, the OP would have specifically mentioned it. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/129 "2008-07-16T14:53:13Z")
[QUOTE=Eva Luna] Dishonesty? How? All sorts of people are stating their opinions here. Some people agree with me, some people agree with you. I may be wrong in the end, but based on what’s been written here so far, and my comparison of it with my own life experiences, which happen to include growing up in a house with parents who eventually divorced (though I don’t remember them ever having a serious argument in my presence while they were still married), I have an opinion. It happens to be different than yours. What’s the problem? [/QUOTE] In post #118, you accused Leaffan of doing something he didn’t do. That is not an opinion, that is dishonesty. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/130 "2008-07-16T14:54:58Z")
[QUOTE=Eva Luna] Obviously, it hasn’t been stated here, and so I have no clue. I’m guessing that if there had been shouting and screaming, the OP would have specifically mentioned it. [/QUOTE] This post made my head explode. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/131 "2008-07-16T14:58:20Z")
[QUOTE=Labrador Deceiver] In post #118, you accused Leaffan of doing something he didn’t do. That is not an opinion, that is dishonesty. [/QUOTE] He didn’t say he didn’t do it. He said he confronted her, but no further details about how he confronted her. I may be wrong, but I’m not dishonest. If you’ll excuse me, I have work to do now. I will be back later, but I can’t check into this thread every few minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/132 "2008-07-16T15:01:26Z")
As one who has often regretted posting personal/family stuff here, I’ll state the obvious, that it is next to impossible to accurately convey all of the nuances of a relationship situation in a post - especially if you keep it to any reasonable length. Sometimes your phrasing exaggerates some things for the sake of clarity/brevity - other important details may get omitted for the same reasons. And posts can be made at times of stress. Another thing, anyone posting even the most innocuous thing on these boards has to be prepared for someone to chime in and tell them they are stupid, prejudiced, dangerous, or otherwise a horrible person for some portion of what they posted. Goes with the territory in a community as large as this. You gotta expect and accept that going in. You never can tell - sometimes the criticism may even be right! 😉 Sometimes one or more posters will refuse to be swayed from their interpretation of what you post, and will try to take the discussion in directions other than you intended. I think people tend to oversimplify what are in fact complicated, multifaceted situations/relationships that developed over time. Or they try to shape the discussion towards their pet issues. Again, that largely goes with this medium. You either try to respond, or ignore it. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/133 "2008-07-16T15:01:47Z")
[QUOTE=Eva Luna] He didn’t say he didn’t do it. He said he confronted her, but no further details about how he confronted her. I may be wrong, but I’m not dishonest. [/QUOTE] You’re both: [QUOTE=Leaffan] You’re all assuming I FLEW OFF THE HANDLE! I didn’t! [/QUOTE] On top of that, it is dishonest to add your own facts to someone else’s story. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/134 "2008-07-16T15:28:11Z")
And I’m completely willing to take his word for it. After all… > [@Leaffan](#): > > See. I know it sounds petty. Believe me I know it sounds petty. > > I’m NOT THE ONE WHO LEFT THE HOUSE!!! All I did was mention it! You’re all assuming I FLEW OFF THE HANDLE! I didn’t! > > All I did was try to talk to her about it and SHE left. > > You are all assuming that I (the male) am the one to blame here. I’m not. Try to wrap your head around the fact that my wife is a control freak idiot. Please! … he sounds so reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/135 "2008-07-16T15:38:34Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] And I’m completely willing to take his word for it. After all… … he sounds so reasonable. [/QUOTE] Yeah, because we all know how impossible it is for things to escalate. What a load of bullshit. Like **olivesmarch4th** said, either call him a liar, or discuss the situation based on how the facts were presented. Don’t do both. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/136 "2008-07-16T15:49:56Z")
[QUOTE=Labrador Deceiver] Yeah, because we all know how impossible it is for things to escalate. What a load of bullshit. Like **olivesmarch4th** said, either call him a liar, or discuss the situation based on how the facts were presented. Don’t do both. [/QUOTE] Seriously? The “facts” as presented are 1. Mrs. Leaffan mixed old and new vegetables and neglected to replace the toilet paper. 2. Leaffan confronted her. 3. She left, with the kids. \*Everything \* else is perception and speculation, on \*\*Leaffan’s \*\* part \*and \* ours. I don’t understand why it’s acceptable to ascribe motivations to Mrs. Leaffan, about whom we know nothing other than what \*\*Leaffan \*\* tells us, but it’s unacceptable to ascribe motivations to Leaffan, who at least gives us his own words to work from. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/137 "2008-07-16T15:53:22Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] I don’t understand why it’s acceptable to ascribe motivations to Mrs. Leaffan, about whom we know nothing other than what \*\*Leaffan \*\* tells us, but it’s unacceptable to ascribe motivations to Leaffan, who at least gives us his own words to work from. [/QUOTE] Perhaps you can show me where I said anything about ascribing motivations to Mrs. Leaffan? While you’re at it, maybe you can show me where I said anything about _anyone’s_ motivations. I have only spoken about false accusations pertaining to Leaffans _actions_. > [@](#): > > \*Everything \* else is perception and speculation, on \*\*Leaffan’s \*\* part \*and \* ours. Not when he specifically states that he didn’t yell at her about the vegetables and TP. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/138 "2008-07-16T16:09:50Z")
[QUOTE=Labrador Deceiver] Not when he specifically states that he didn’t yell at her about the vegetables and TP. Sorry. [/QUOTE] He said that he didn’t fly off the handle, and I am willing to believe that he believes he didn’t fly off the handle. However, interpersonal relationships are all about perceptions - he may believe he didn’t fly off the handle, and his wife may believe otherwise. I’ve seen plenty of people raise their voices (family members and otherwise) and swear later that they had done no such thing. And yes, most of us do view interpersonal relationships through the lens of our own life experiences. What, you think you don’t? ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/139 "2008-07-16T16:17:27Z")
For the love of LGM-1, would people step back and think about what the devil you’re all arguing about? Like **Dinsdale** said, **we do not have the whole story**. There is room for people to believe that the OP flew off the handle into a frothing rage before his wife left with the kids, and there is room to believe that it was the act of having the kids removed while he was trying to calmly trying to confront his wife about behaviors that frustrate him greatly that drove him to lose his cool here. **NO ONE KNOWS ALL THAT HAPPENED OR MAY HAVE HAPPENED**. Since it hasn’t been linked yet, here’s a [post from the OP](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=9935572&postcount=14) describing the frustrations he’s been feeling with his wife for the past several years. It is clear that, based on what’s been reported here, that the current situation is no longer working, and that the OP and his spouse should consider some major changes. But I think anyone arguing that anything else **must** be going on is reading far more into what we have that is justifiable on any rational basis. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2008, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280/140 "2008-07-16T16:18:09Z")
[QUOTE=featherlou] **Leaffan** , like everyone else has said here, there is obviously more going on than rotten vegetables and a toilet paper roll, but one thing that came through loud and clear for me is your intense pain and frustration. Please find someone to talk to about this situation- you sound very unhappy, and I’m guessing your whole family is pretty unhappy too. [/QUOTE] **Leaffan** , Email sent…please respond. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-decided-to-pack-up-the-kids-and-go-out-for-supper-help-needed-fast/456280.md?page=8)