Heartfelt condolences on your sad loss.
Your deep and abiding love for your wife shines through every word you write Fear Itself. A little piece of your Pam will live on in everyone who reads these beautiful words.
Thanks for sharing, Fear Itself. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts.
Having not read this entire thread, may I recommend “widownet.org”
That site helped me immensely.
Apologies if it’s been mentioned before.
I am so sorry for your loss. I have been where you are.
Update.
We had a celebration of life party last night for Pam, and it was a big success. She was not religious, and there was no service after she died. But I knew I wanted to do something to celebrate he life and the impact she had on the lives of the people whose lives she touched. So I started planning it within days after she died. I rented the VFW hall, hired a caterer, put together a computer slide show displayed on a big screen TV, and made a playlist of all her Rat Pack/Vegas lounge music. My brother flew in from California to assist and represent the left coast family (thank Og for family!).
There were things I wanted to do that I was unsure how her family would react, but I was moved by Pam’s memory to go with my gut. Her family is mostly traditional Catholic, so death is followed quickly by a somber funeral and a wake. The whole concept of a celebration of life was new to them, so I was apprehensive.
We had a sound system set up, and my brother served as the MC and started things off by reading some of the anecdotes I shared here. As hoped, others joined in, and soon people were laughing as they recalled the memorable, unconventional way Pam lived life. Her five nieces sang a rousing rendition of Stevie Wonder’s “I Just Called to Say I Love You”, and the whole room joined in.
I put her picture in the middle of a large poster board with the caption, “That’s Pam!” and put out 3x5 cards and colored felt markers for people to write one word that expressed the essence of Pam, and this what it looked like at the end of the night:
Friend Bold “Ball Breaker” Family Stunning Bubbly “Bug Hater” Courageous Brilliant Sweet Entertaining Comic Uplifting Beautiful Generous “Pied Piper” Quirky Loving Strong Giving Positive Smiling “MagdalinaHagdalinaHoopatalkaWalkatalkaHokaMokaPoka” Creative Hysterical! Caring Honest Sarcastic Selfless Effervescent Clever Crafty Welcoming Diva Amazing Loving Encouraging Indescribable Sassy Inviting
One of her friends brought a bunch of pins she had made with the following inscribed on them:
"Pamela Jean Says, Don’t Worry - Laugh at Others!"
They were snapped up immediately, and everyone wore them all night.
My brother acknowledged Pam’s crafty talents and invited anyone who owned a piece of her jewelry or her knitting or sewing to raise their hands; 80% percent of the room raised their hands.
[COLOR=black]One of the things I was most unsure of came next. I explained that Pam loved to travel, and had visited Hawaii, Bermuda, Australia (and of course Alaska!), but her illness prevent us from travelling as much as we had planned. So I directed everyone’s attention to a large bowl filled with small white envelopes printed with the night’s theme, “That’s Pam”, and asked everyone, if they found themselves on vacation somewhere exotic and warm, to sprinkle a little bit of Pam on the beach so she could continue the travelling she loved. I put out about 80 envelopes of her ashes, and was worried some would be offended; but by the end of the night, all the envelopes were gone! Everybody loved the idea![/COLOR]
By the end of the night, I was feeling so great, and it was due to all the positive energy generated by her amazing family. We had a great time, and I know that she would have done it exactly the same.
We love you PJ!
Sounds like a lovely – and loving – celebration.
Wishing you peace and strength as you move forward.
That sounds like a remembrance that anyone would be honored to have for themselves. Thank you for sharing that, and her, with us.
Wow.
That’s… moving.
She was lucky, you know, to have found you.
What a wonderful celebration, and a beautiful love you shared. If only all of us could find partners as compatible as you two were.
I am so sorry for your loss, but so happy you wrote about it here. She sounds like an amazing woman, and she had an amazing husband to match.
Wow, you did an awesome job, Fear Itself, I’m so glad you went with your gut, it sounds wonderful.
I know the days ahead will be challenging, never forget, we’re right here should you need anything. We have broad shoulders, huge ears and never sleep!
I’ve never heard of the envelopes thing being done before. I, myself also suffer from terrible wanderlust and would adore such an arrangement. You did really well, I hope you’re taking comfort in that.
You’ll be in out thoughts in the months ahead, and our prayers!
Fear Itself, that was a wonderful celebration and I just know Pam loved it. Keep celebrating life.
That sounds wonderful and I’m sorry about your loss.
That is incredible. I can see why she loved you so.
I’m sorry to hear of your loss and of the pain that Pam went through. She left behind someone who remembers her well and who obviously loves her very much.
That is an amazing smile.
Fear Itself, I’m terribly sorry for your loss.
What a beautiful and heartfelt tribute.
My deepest condolences for your loss.
“Man Hug”
Gus
I just saw this thread, and I am so sorry for your loss Fear Itself.