# My wife does not appreciate my nuts (probably TMI. probably.) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2006, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650 "2006-05-06T04:45:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Anaptyxis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anaptyxis/32/3171_2.png) [@Anaptyxis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaptyxis)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/41 "2006-05-07T14:31:50Z")
Back in the mid-1990s, at the interchange from I-79 N to I-70 W outside of Washington, PA, some tenderhearted nut-lover spray-painted the poignant phrase “Lick Balls” in huge letters on one of the jersey barriers. This phrase has stuck with me lo these many years. [Here](http://maps.google.com/?ll=40.163477,-80.192814&spn=0.001824,0.002763&t=k&om=1) is where it would be if it were still there. Remember that, folks. Lick Balls. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/42 "2006-05-07T15:44:46Z")
And for some reason, females not only shun them, they don’t even want education on the matter. _shrug_ You gay guys need to step it up. Have ball appreciation month and get those females towing the party line. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/43 "2006-05-07T15:44:15Z")
And for some reason, females not only shun them, they don’t even want education on the matter. _shrug_ You gay guys need to step it up. Have ball appreciation month and get those females towing the party line. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/44 "2006-05-07T16:03:04Z")
Here’s a gay guy tip: Shave those balls. No, don’t shave the rest of your pubes. That makes you look like a little boy. But the balls? Shave 'em. Baby smooth. Carefully of course. You’ll thank me. It increases their sensitivity _a lot_, and if the lady in your life has any inclination to use a tongue down there, it’ll have been worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/45 "2006-05-07T16:04:08Z")
Apparently, it’s important enough to say twice. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/46 "2006-05-07T16:07:15Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] Here’s a gay guy tip: Shave those balls. No, don’t shave the rest of your pubes. That makes you look like a little boy. But the balls? Shave 'em. Baby smooth. Carefully of course. You’ll thank me. It increases their sensitivity _a lot_, and if the lady in your life has any inclination to use a tongue down there, it’ll have been worth it. [/QUOTE] See, I agree with this. I’m willing to meet in the middle and take a measure to ensure she stays in the Downtown region. I don’t even consider this a gay tip, too. I think (oddly) it’s becoming mainstream. And it’s not even a huge hassle to do. Then again, if I were a girl, I wouldn’t care. I think I’d be a total slut. I think most guys would if they were female for a week, though. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/47 "2006-05-07T16:08:57Z")
[QUOTE=Least Original User Name Ever] And for some reason, females not only shun them, they don’t even want education on the matter. _shrug_ You gay guys need to step it up. Have ball appreciation month and get those females towing the party line. [/QUOTE] It’s **toeing** the party line. Speaking as a woman (duh), balls are gross. They’re hairy and collect sweat and God alone knows what else. They also flop around in a completely aesthetically unpleasing way. Robin ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/48 "2006-05-07T16:13:34Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] I’ve always experienced it at the apex of a rising & falling movement. Rollercoaster rides, or traveling in a car at highway speeds and topping a small hill. I never associated it with my testicles themselves moving. I always figured it was just the momentary weightlessness that triggered it, and it was an evolutionary bonus nature gave us for - I dunno - swinging from trees? [/QUOTE] I’m a woman, and I get a bit of that feeling too. Everything squeezes up a little like it’s trying to get inside where it’s safe from all the insanity going on. Happens on roller coasters, fast elevators, or when I’m up high and look down. I learn so much here. And my man just doesn’t get why I love this board. Maybe if I told him I was learning about balls? ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/49 "2006-05-07T16:17:51Z")
[QUOTE=Scarlett67] Try dipping them in chocolate. [/QUOTE] That’s OK, but bear in mind temperature issues here. Under no circumstances fondue should be involved. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/50 "2006-05-07T17:00:51Z")
I once followed this good looking girl home, and she gave me this sultry look and said, “Show me your nuts!” I replied, “Cuckoo! Cuckoo!!” ::waves hands:: 😛 “Wokka wokka!” ::makes shadow puppets:: “A British Tern is a soaring soul, as free as a mountain biiiiiirrrd . . .” Needless to say, I didn’t get none that night. :smack: Tripler Well, she asked. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/51 "2006-05-07T17:49:27Z")
[QUOTE=Pensandfeathers] As a woman, I am truly fascinated by the fact that they _move on their own._ [/QUOTE] Maybe this was a whoosh but I had no idea. None at all. And I have had a pair for over 42 years. If I didn’t have to go into work today, I would check but I’ll have to wait until I get home. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/52 "2006-05-07T18:56:57Z")
[QUOTE=Myself] I always figured it was just the momentary weightlessness that triggered it, and it was an evolutionary bonus nature gave us for - I dunno - swinging from trees? [/QUOTE] You know, I’ve wondered if astronauts experience this in zero-g. Could explain why certain astronauts are willing to set longevity records for time in orbit. Science my ass. Their balls are just happy. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/53 "2006-05-07T19:36:12Z")
[QUOTE=MsRobyn] It’s **toeing** the party line. Speaking as a woman (duh), balls are gross. They’re hairy and collect sweat and God alone knows what else. They also flop around in a completely aesthetically unpleasing way. Robin [/QUOTE] This is true. Bad Trevor. Bad fingers. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/54 "2006-05-07T19:38:19Z")
[QUOTE=glee] That’s OK, but bear in mind temperature issues here. Under no circumstances fondue should be involved. :eek: [/QUOTE] They need chocolate-covered tastebuds. ---
**Author:** ![Excalibre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@Excalibre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Excalibre)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/55 "2006-05-07T19:44:01Z")
[QUOTE=hajario] Maybe this was a whoosh but I had no idea. None at all. And I have had a pair for over 42 years. If I didn’t have to go into work today, I would check but I’ll have to wait until I get home. [/QUOTE] Tell the boss your nuts are hanging out for science. ---
**Author:** ![Fern\_Forest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@Fern\_Forest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fern_Forest)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/56 "2006-05-07T20:08:48Z")
[QUOTE=hajario] Maybe this was a whoosh but I had no idea. None at all. And I have had a pair for over 42 years. If I didn’t have to go into work today, I would check but I’ll have to wait until I get home. [/QUOTE] Wow! A man without too much time on your hands. Here’s another thing to do with them and another great reason to be a guy. Put sunglasses on them. Use the penis as the “nose” and the balls as the eyes. Then laugh and laugh and laugh. You may want to get drunk first. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/57 "2006-05-07T20:21:23Z")
[QUOTE=levdrakon] Here’s a gay guy tip: Shave those balls. No, don’t shave the rest of your pubes. That makes you look like a little boy. But the balls? Shave 'em. Baby smooth. Carefully of course. You’ll thank me. It increases their sensitivity _a lot_, and if the lady in your life has any inclination to use a tongue down there, it’ll have been worth it. [/QUOTE] But don’t try shaving them with a straight edge razor, late at night, after you have had six beers and are looking for something to do to pass the time. It is really a stupid thing to do - uh, so I have heard. ---
**Author:** ![mrald](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3da27b/32.png) [@mrald](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrald)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/58 "2006-05-07T20:37:20Z")
I work in a nursing home, all I have to say is Dude, appreciate them now, the nice nut-ness WILL end. yea I am a chick so what. muuuaahhaa ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/59 "2006-05-07T22:18:53Z")
I for one am a little weary–no, a lot weary–about cutting up my balls with sharp objects. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650/60 "2006-05-07T22:22:36Z")
Well, nobody wants you to Jeffrey Dahmer yourself (minus the self-cannibalizing). It’s just like…getting…go-faster stripes on your…um…dong. If that’s not the worst analogy ever, that’s a very close second. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-does-not-appreciate-my-nuts-probably-tmi-probably/355650.md?page=4)