# My wife is dying \[Edited: RIP\] **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 10, 2020, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745 "2020-08-10T21:42:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![Turki-lurki](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/turki-lurki/32/7168_2.png) [@Turki-lurki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turki-lurki)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2020, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/221 "2020-08-23T01:13:55Z")
Deepest sympathy to you and your family. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2020, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/222 "2020-08-23T01:15:59Z")
Still thinking of you and wishing you all the best, **silenus**. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2020, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/223 "2020-08-23T02:31:43Z")
Best wishes during such a difficult time. Take everything slowly. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2020, 3:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/224 "2020-08-23T03:48:50Z")
All my sympathies. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2020, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/225 "2020-08-23T04:42:42Z")
I’ll be thinking of you. This would be my worst nightmare. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2020, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/226 "2020-08-23T15:41:26Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > I know I will see her on the Other Side one day, and that gives me some peace. Eä. Let these things Be. —Eru ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2020, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/227 "2020-08-23T16:13:50Z")
Virtual hugs sent your way. So very sorry. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/228 "2020-08-27T15:52:20Z")
One week in. The training wheels on being alone come off tomorrow, when the last of family goes back home. Then it’s just me and the cats. We’ll see how that goes. I haven’t been alone in 15 years. Going in to school this morning to tell them I will be returning to the classroom Monday. Having to get up to speed and teach exclusively on-line will be a challenge that will keep me occupied and focused for at least 6 hours a day. This is A Good Thing. Lots of people have volunteered to be a phone lifeline as needed, but most live on the East Coast, which makes me calling at 11pm my time kinda rude, no matter what they say. You late-nighters and folks on the other side of the planet may see this thread pop up at weird times. Feel free to engage. I’ll need the distraction. On the suggestion of several people and my therapist, I’ve started a blog to record my feelings and fears and shit like that. We’ll see what a year or so of that does. Thanks again to everybody for your support and best wishes. It means a lot. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/229 "2020-08-27T15:56:21Z")
Keeping yourself busy can do nothing but help. Being alone inside your head with nothing to do but dwell is a short path to overwhelming despair. You should have a lot of support and willing and able participants at nearly any time here! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/230 "2020-08-27T16:01:01Z")
I’m glad to hear you have a therapist. I am hoping that you get through the initial mourning period without undue problems, but if you start to have problems sleeping, or functioning on your own, please please let your therapist know. There’s quite a toolkit out there to help you if you need it. If you don’t need it - great. But don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Meanwhile - keep busy. You may find you need extra rest. It’s important to take care of yourself physically as the impact of a loss like this can affect you physically as well as emotionally. Meanwhile - we’re here for you, when you need us. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/231 "2020-08-27T16:04:12Z")
Take care of yourself, silenus. I hope that your school prep and teaching help to keep you busy and dull the pain a bit. I’m not sure what sort of leave arrangements your school district allows for, but if you find it difficult to cope with the work and think that you need some more time off, I highly recommend taking some more leave if that’s available to you. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/232 "2020-08-27T16:07:46Z")
Being alone in the house, when you haven’t been for years, can feel really really weird for a while. If you can’t sleep the first night or so, don’t worry about it; just get up for a while and do something. It’ll start to feel more normal as time passes. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/233 "2020-08-27T16:09:36Z")
I have sick leave out the wazoo. The District gives one week of Bereavement leave, and then I took two weeks of sick leave. Time to get back in the saddle and earn a living. But yes, I have plenty of sick time to use if it gets overwhelming. One good thing about going back to work is that a good friend is one of our counselors and has offered her office and shoulder to cry on and her expertise in these things for me to use as needed. Since my therapist is in Arizona and we communicate by phone and text, having a meat counselor nearby is handy. Hell, even my principal has offered to be a person I can talk to or yell at as needs be. There is a ton of support. I just have to use it and stop being afraid that I am too weak. I’m not, and it’s time to prove it. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/234 "2020-08-27T16:43:51Z")
Thanks for the update, man. We’re all pulling for you! ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/235 "2020-08-27T19:53:34Z")
Yes we’re pulling for you! ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/236 "2020-08-27T20:56:34Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > There is a ton of support. I just have to use it and stop being afraid that I am too weak. I’m not, and it’s time to prove it. A strong man can admit when he needs help. Loss of a spouse is one of the top stressors in life. Even if you _can_ tough it out there is no reason you are required to do that. ---
**Author:** ![BippityBoppityBoo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bippityboppityboo/32/5745_2.png) [@BippityBoppityBoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BippityBoppityBoo)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/237 "2020-08-27T22:08:01Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > You late-nighters and folks on the other side of the planet may see this thread pop up at weird times. Feel free to engage. I’ll need the distraction. Late night is my speciality-bring it on.👋🏼 ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/238 "2020-08-27T22:21:50Z")
Keeping busy may help you maintain your sanity **silenus** Stil, don’t be shy about asking for help as needed. Hugs. ---
**Author:** ![jsc1953](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/5daacb/32.png) [@jsc1953](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jsc1953)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2020, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/239 "2020-08-27T23:12:02Z")
Silenus, I’m sure you’re being bombarded with lots of advice. Here’s some more: 🙂 When my wife passed, I joined a grief group (on the recommendation of our hospice provider)…a half-dozen or so people with various losses in their life, that met weekly for an hour. I went for several weeks and then decided I was done – but it was really quite helpful. ---
**Author:** ![Die\_Capacitrix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/die_capacitrix/32/9_2.png) [@Die\_Capacitrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Die_Capacitrix)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2020, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745/240 "2020-08-28T05:27:17Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > You late-nighters and folks on the other side of the planet may see this thread pop up at weird times. Other side of the planet (Switzerland) checking in on Friday morning. Somebody will have a light on. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-dying-edited-rip/917745.md?page=13)