# my wife is leaving **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2009, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402 "2009-08-05T08:43:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/21 "2009-08-05T11:59:08Z")
I’m sorry, it sucks. Whatever comes, you’ll get through it. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Weird\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7bcc69/32.png) [@The\_Weird\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Weird_One)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/22 "2009-08-05T12:22:55Z")
Fuck, **Skald** , that sucks. I like you, I hope you don’t turn back into a creep. From what little you’ve said here of her church and minister and their beliefs, it sounds fucked up. Fuck 'em. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/23 "2009-08-05T12:29:39Z")
THAT is the most bass-ackward use of Scripture I have ever heard and I have heard plenty & even used a few!!! And I do believe it applies to getting married- but BEFOREHAND, not retroactively! The whole point of a passage is- a believer who IS married to an unbeliever should NOT use that as a reason to split, but should stay to win them over. Did she come up with this or did someone put it into her head? Do NOT surrender to this. Do NOT make it easy for her to leave. You love the woman. Fight for her, Dammit! AFAI believe, The Holy Trinity & Saints & Angels & the Entire Church Triumphant are on YOUR side in this one! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/24 "2009-08-05T12:31:24Z")
Man, that’s just awful. I hope you can work it out. You \*are \*one of the good guys. ---
**Author:** ![Dante](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dante/32/9673_2.png) [@Dante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dante)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/25 "2009-08-05T12:32:46Z")
Man, that sucks. And I don’t envy you the hangover you’re evidently going to have this morning either. Be well. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/26 "2009-08-05T12:37:17Z")
You know what, a lot of times when people want to break up with someone, they come up with a bunch of lameass excuses for it. And sometimes they have a real reason that they don’t even understand themselves, so use some post-hoc justification to rationalise a decision they didn’t consciously make. I’m not saying that this is the case, but it could be. Anyway, at the end of the day, **Skald** , it doesn’t actually matter. You will be burned up with curiosity, but you need to try to move yourself to a place where you are actually indifferent to the answer. It’s a tough job, but it is achievable. Where you are right now is the most horrible place ever. I assure you, you WILL get better. You’ll get a bit better then worse again, then better then worse, for weeks or months, but this cycling through the emotions definitely has a forward trend. In the last year I went through a divorce, followed by the most painful breakup of my life. I didn’t think I would, but I got through it all. Right now for you it’s about stamina and endurance, and that is something I have every faith that you possess. Good luck buddy. (PS hangovers only make you feel worse - not that I can pretend I didn’t have many of my own.) ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/27 "2009-08-05T12:37:25Z")
**Skald** , I have read and enjoyed your posts here for many years. This is really stating the obvious, but your OP sounds real bad, man. Please take care of yourself and don’t do anything crazy. You’re going through a bad time but you’re going to come out all right on the other side, OK? Hang in. ---
**Author:** ![grimpixie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecb155/32.png) [@grimpixie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grimpixie)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/28 "2009-08-05T12:43:30Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > You know what, a lot of times when people want to break up with someone, they come up with a bunch of lameass excuses for it. And sometimes they have a real reason that they don’t even understand themselves, so use some post-hoc justification to rationalise a decision they didn’t consciously make. This, +1, etc. It sucks when people twist religion to justify their own ends. Go easy on yourself - this is not _your fault_. Be Safe. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/29 "2009-08-05T12:45:56Z")
Pretty much what everyone else said - this sucks, and you have my sympathy. **Wildly speculative armchair counselling:** The religious reasoning sounds ultimately like a rationalisation for other issues of hers - she’s using Jesus as an excuse to blame you for her own insecurities. If you love her and want her back, don’t force her to choose between the church (which makes her feel good, albeit for stupid reasons) and you (who she probably associates with - but not necessarily blames for - the breakdown). Be loving, forgiving and supportive now and it’ll flummox the idiot minister who will use any negative reactions from you to convince her that as an unbeliever you’re eeeeeeevil. [/WSAC] ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/30 "2009-08-05T12:59:21Z")
> [@si\_blakely](#): > > Really sorry to hear this, **Skald**. > > I suggest she reads **1 Cor 7:12-13** , though. > > Si 10:14, rather. > [@](#): > > 10And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: > > 11But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. > > 12But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. > > 13And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. > > 14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. Underline mine. How is breaking her vows to you making _her_ better than staying to fulfill them? It is certainly not making you any better, rather taking away a great reason for you to be a better man, taking away something that has by your own recounting made you a better man. And it makes you even more bitter against churches like hers than you were! If St Monica had left her unbelieving husband, we wouldn’t have had a St Augustine. Speak with her pastor, if you can stand the guy, because while it is possible that her church is trying to pull her away from you, it is also possible that her pastor doesn’t know a thing about this and will be willing (and able) to help you. I’ve known a number of people who were in born-again churches in which actually the least radical/Jesus-crazy of the people there happened to be the pastor. ---
**Author:** ![BlueKangaroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@BlueKangaroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueKangaroo)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/31 "2009-08-05T13:00:57Z")
I’m so sorry, **Skald**. Take care of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Svejk\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@Svejk\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svejk_1)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/32 "2009-08-05T13:03:51Z")
I think there’s plenty of quotes from the big book that could support **Skald**. Still, I think that finding arguments in the Bible is kind of stooping to a lower level. People should stay together because they love each other, and leave each other if they don’t - and not because of what the Bible says. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/33 "2009-08-05T13:31:32Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Pretty much what everyone else said - this sucks, and you have my sympathy. > > **Wildly speculative armchair counselling:** > > The religious reasoning sounds ultimately like a rationalisation for other issues of hers - she’s using Jesus as an excuse to blame you for her own insecurities. > [/WSAC] I am not a Doctor and haven’t stayed in a Holiday Inn Express lately, but I approve of this message. Jesus and all his magical healing powers is taking care of hers and if you stick around, it will only lead to more finger pointing on how bad a person you are. Having Jesus on her side and her being a woman, you will NEVER WIN. You are fucked and I am so sorry. She chose to crap on a decent, funny, very intelligent guy for a dead messiah. That has got to sting. I hope Jesus helps her with the moving of heavy furniture and when her car breaks down and putting suntan lotion on her back. You can’t hang onto something that doesn’t want to stay. Let her go and take care of your own mental health. If she ever comes out of her Jesus-Induced Stupor, she will realize what she had and what she lost. However, I wouldn’t waste my time waiting around for the lightbulb to go on in her head. Be gracious and decent and all things gentlemanly. Yanno, traits rarely attributed to blood drinking heathens. Other than this place, do you have someone to talk to? I can’t remember, are there kids? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/34 "2009-08-05T13:50:15Z")
So sorry, **Skald**. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/35 "2009-08-05T13:53:06Z")
**Skald** please take good care of yourself. I’m so sorry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Mahna\_Mahna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e47c2d/32.png) [@Mahna\_Mahna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahna_Mahna)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/36 "2009-08-05T13:53:27Z")
{{ **Skald** }} I’m so so sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/37 "2009-08-05T14:00:10Z")
Shit, **Skald the Rhymer** , I’m really sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/38 "2009-08-05T14:05:18Z")
**Skald** , I’m really sorry. I feel like I should say more. But this: > [@](#): > > i can’t make it work. i can’t make anything that matters work. what’s the point of tryingto be a good guy now? what’s the point of anything? Is wrong. You’re not the bad guy here. A woman who would break her wedding vows for her religion seems kind of…bass-ackwards to me. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/39 "2009-08-05T14:06:38Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > she says she can’t be unequally yoked to an unbeliever. > > she didn’t used to be this way. but after her depressive breakdown earlier this year when she was so miserable and nothing seemed to help she found jesus again. it was the church,it was jses that healedher, she says she thinks she blvs. so she threw herself into it. at first i didn’t care bcz she was better and that was all i wanted but her church,god I hate that damn church with its damn stupid minister you dn’t have to be that way to be a minister. i tried to be supportive but i don’t know my unbelief i guess cld not be hidden. no that’s not it. She always knew what I beleived and did nto believe but she felt judged or myabe she felt she had to jduge me that i was going to drag her into sin anad that that would cost her her healing. anyway she’s leaving and i hate everything. nothing matters. i can’t make it work. i can’t make anything that matters work. what’s the point of tryingto be a good guy now? what’s the point of anything? i used to be a creep and got left and deserved it. but i’m not that way anymore i work hard not to be that way but it doesn’t matter she is gone. > > fuck it I’m sorry to hear that this is happening. However, if she is so hung up on Jeebuz, you might point out to her that she is acting in total violation of his teachings, and she’ll burn in hell for her own actions, not yours. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/40 "2009-08-05T14:08:31Z")
My sympathies, man. I hope this thing works out for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402.md?page=3)