# my wife is leaving **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2009, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402 "2009-08-05T08:43:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/61 "2009-08-05T15:15:14Z")
I am at a loss for words. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/62 "2009-08-05T15:19:28Z")
This is very sad news. Hoping things work out for the best for both of you. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/63 "2009-08-05T15:22:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > she says she can’t be unequally yoked to an unbeliever. Skald, buddy…I’m sorry. If you’d like to talk about this off-board, feel free to email me at Oakbrowfarwalker at yahoo dot com. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/64 "2009-08-05T15:31:00Z")
Dammit, **Skald**. Is there any way she can consider counseling? I know how much you care for her (hell, I remember your thread where you met her!) and I cannot believe that this is her solution to her issues. Please, please, please…take care of you, and see if she won’t agree to counseling. She owes you that much, at least. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/65 "2009-08-05T15:36:39Z")
Looking back at the OP… arguing Bible verses with her is definitely not going to help, but the idea of being “unequally yoked” is a disgusting concept. I hope counseling and discussing this is an option. **Skald the Rhymer** , it sounds like you’ve done everything you can for her over the year with her depression and issues and her lousy family, and I’m sorry this is the way it’s going. It’s got nothing to do with deserving and being good, it’s just what happens as people try to figure out what the hell is going on out there and how they can survive. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/66 "2009-08-05T15:41:22Z")
**Skald** : I pray for strength for you to get through this. I agree 125% with what **Siege** said. You have all the good thoughts and prayers I can send from here. Please remember, you are a good person: and no one deserves that. This has to be one of the most un-Christian things I have ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Woeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Woeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woeg)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/67 "2009-08-05T15:43:29Z")
Skald, I am really sorry to hear it man. My ex had very similar problems - constant depression, a shitty family background, the whole lot. In the end, NOTHING I could do would have made her happy with me or with herself. I had to accept that and stop beating myself up about it. I hope you can find a similar acceptance - know that it’s not your fault, that you are NOT to blame. Feel free to write me any time - send me a PM and I will send you my email. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/68 "2009-08-05T15:46:45Z")
**{{{Skald}}}** Wishing you strength to get through this. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/69 "2009-08-05T15:51:36Z")
I’m so sorry, Skald. This is going to be a tough time for you, no matter what the eventual outcome. I wish there were something I could do that would actually help. I know you love her and you’ve tried so hard for her, but your changes were not about Kim. You changed for you, and that’s worth keeping. Please don’t let this make you doubt the good in you. I think you’re probably right, that she’s afraid for her healing, and that’s a really scary place to be. I agree with those who are saying fight for your marriage, but know that even if that doesn’t work, or if she won’t really let you, it was worth the trying. You’ll come through this. It will take time, but it will get better. ---
**Author:** ![Ellen\_Cherry](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellen_cherry/32/3600_2.png) [@Ellen\_Cherry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellen_Cherry)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/70 "2009-08-05T15:57:04Z")
I’m very sorry to hear about this Skald! I’m another Doper who cares about you and feels I know you from your posts. Take care, be well and remember to lean on us if you need to. Ellen ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/71 "2009-08-05T16:03:38Z")
I was so sure the title of this thread was a joke. Please be okay, **Skald**. I am sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/72 "2009-08-05T16:03:52Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Looking back at the OP… arguing Bible verses with her is definitely not going to help, but the idea of being “unequally yoked” is a disgusting concept. I hope counseling and discussing this is an option. Definitely right. A nonbeliever quoting Bible verses will just raise defensive hackles. That’s why I suggested a Christian marriage counselor. You will be able to stick your own feelings and let the professional find the Christian angle, if that’d be helpful. ---
**Author:** ![miamouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@miamouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miamouse)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/73 "2009-08-05T16:04:50Z")
**Nava** said all I was going to say, but I think it especially important that you try and talk to the pastor about it, even if you don’t want to. He may help her see things differently. If he turns it into a chance to witness with you and now you’re evil for not participating, maybe you can convince her to change churches to one you can both bear. in any case many warm hugs are in order… ---
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/74 "2009-08-05T16:16:51Z")
You have my sympathies, my friend. Having been with someone who’s idea of what they wanted in life differed from mine, I know how you feel, but I promise you, you’ll be better off in time. I hope you can understand her position and not hold it against her. Stay strong. ---
**Author:** ![schnuckiputzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@schnuckiputzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schnuckiputzi)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/75 "2009-08-05T16:21:45Z")
Another well-wisher who has enjoyed your writings for a long time. As a believer, I cringe at the misuse of scripture to serve someone’s twisted agenda. A pastor should be supporting and encouraging a relationship, not telling this woman to leave her husband who is supporting her and providing a home. It boggles the mind.☹ ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/76 "2009-08-05T16:29:32Z")
Oh, **Skald**. ☹ I am so sorry. Please, if we can do anything, anyone here would leap at the chance. You’re good people and you don’t deserve this pain. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/77 "2009-08-05T16:40:53Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > I know you love her and you’ve tried so hard for her, but your changes were not about Kim. You changed for you, and that’s worth keeping. Please don’t let this make you doubt the good in you. That’s mostly what I was coming back in to say - if you like what you see in the mirror now a lot better than you did a few years ago, then it was worth doing for that alone. I’m here neither to offer solutions nor to be a Job’s Comforter, but to sympathise. I’m really sorry to have seen this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/78 "2009-08-05T16:45:14Z")
Good luck, **Skald**. I hope things turn out well for you. ---
**Author:** ![picker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/picker/32/13969_2.png) [@picker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picker)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/79 "2009-08-05T16:47:48Z")
You have my deepest sympathies. You deserve better than this. Still, better days will come again. Stay strong and stay true to yourself. (and please don’t destroy the world in vengeance) ---
**Author:** ![Rhodes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rhodes/32/273_2.png) [@Rhodes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhodes)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/80 "2009-08-05T16:49:17Z")
Your story scares the hell out of me. I’ve been trying for quite a while now to ditch my church without offending my wife. You have my sincere sympathy and my respect. It takes a lot of courage (more than I’ve got) to be an unbeliever in a religious household. I hope things work out for you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402.md?page=5)