# my wife is leaving **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2009, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402 "2009-08-05T08:43:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/81 "2009-08-05T16:59:06Z")
**Skald** , Lost my first wife to Jesus about a year before I lost her to someone else and my life became a trainwreck for a while. I can’t say anything to you that will help. But maybe it will help if you consider that nobody knows what is truly in another person’s heart. You know your own, and the path to madness lies in trying to divine someone else’s–don’t go there, I’m warning you. You are no more or less alone now than you have ever been. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/82 "2009-08-05T17:05:35Z")
I’m so sorry to hear about your troubles. Please take good care of yourself and keep posting to let us know how you’re doing. ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/83 "2009-08-05T17:12:57Z")
I’m sorry for what you’re going through, also. You simply cannot control other people, but for your own sake I strongly suggest you make it very very clear what you want to her. If you love her and want to stay married to her, make sure she knows this. Tell her precisely how you feel and what you are willing to do for the marriage and what you need from her and what you need her to do. Then the ball is in her court to respond. In the end, she may not be willing or capable of doing her part to save your union. But you will know without doubt you did everything you were capable of doing, and there is no doubt how you felt and what you wanted. This is no time for reading minds or pride. You must be explicit. If the marriage still ends, knowing you did everything in your power may actually bring you some measure of peace. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/84 "2009-08-05T17:16:09Z")
I’m so sorry to hear that **Skald**. You’re one of the good ones. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/85 "2009-08-05T17:21:57Z")
It breaks my heart that your heart is broken. Just try to remember that there are people who love and care about you, and that in itself can be a reason to keep loving and caring. We are always here if you need us. ---
**Author:** ![pepperlandgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f17d59/32.png) [@pepperlandgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pepperlandgirl)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/86 "2009-08-05T17:31:11Z")
I’m sorry, **Skald**. But you _are_ a good guy, and please don’t let this change anything. In fact, you’re a great guy and you deserve to be treated better than that. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but **msmith537** is right. One day, you’ll find somebody to be your partner, not somebody you have to devote your life to fixing. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/87 "2009-08-05T17:40:31Z")
Well, that sucks, and I’m sorry. A lot more people on these boards know who you are than you know who they are, and I hope it helps you to know that a lot of people (including me) feel for you. ---
**Author:** ![cwthree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@cwthree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cwthree)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/88 "2009-08-05T17:47:58Z")
**Skald** , I’m sorry. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/89 "2009-08-05T17:49:11Z")
Sorry to hear, Skald. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/90 "2009-08-05T17:53:14Z")
Sorry to hear it. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/91 "2009-08-05T17:54:04Z")
Thanks to everyone who gave well wishes. I don’t know what I’m going to do right now except to clear out while she gets her stuff. Maybe a road trip or something. I want to confront her the way many of you have suggested but I can’t rightnow. I’m too hurt, and with me hurt leads too easily to anger, and I don’t want to be angry around her because I don’t want to do the sort of thing I would have done a decade ago. I want that Rhymer to stay dead and buried. I can’t think of anything else to say right now. ---
**Author:** ![crazyjoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@crazyjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyjoe)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/92 "2009-08-05T18:07:57Z")
Skald, Is a letter out of the question? Sometimes I have found them useful when it’s hard to get out a full thought before being interrupted. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/93 "2009-08-05T18:18:12Z")
Crap. So she’s leaving, she’s not willing to work on things? I am so sorry. I applaud your self-knowledge, to know that you shouldn’t be around her when you’re emotional. I think\*\* crazyjoe \*\*has a good idea…leave her a letter. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/94 "2009-08-05T18:18:55Z")
Everyone else has said this, and better, but: I like the person whose posts I read. I’m really sorry to hear what you’re going through. If there’s something we can do to help, please tell us. ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/95 "2009-08-05T18:22:08Z")
> [@crazyjoe](#): > > Skald, > > Is a letter out of the question? Sometimes I have found them useful when it’s hard to get out a full thought before being interrupted. Even if you never intend to send it, it might help. I’m sorry Skald. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/96 "2009-08-05T18:28:56Z")
Just don’t write anything in the letter that her lawyer can use against you. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/97 "2009-08-05T18:32:03Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I want to confront her the way many of you have suggested but I can’t rightnow. I’m too hurt, and with me hurt leads too easily to anger, and I don’t want to be angry around her because I don’t want to do the sort of thing I would have done a decade ago. I want that Rhymer to stay dead and buried. This says so much about why we all care about you. Hang onto the good guy you are. Be gentle with yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/98 "2009-08-05T18:37:14Z")
I am so very sorry, **Skald**. You have my sympathies and long-distance moral support. There’s been some good advice given in this thread so I won’t add anything beyond what I’ve already written. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/99 "2009-08-05T18:39:07Z")
Write the letter and then burn it. You will feel better. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402/100 "2009-08-05T18:40:34Z")
> [@thirdwarning](#): > > This says so much about why we all care about you. Hang onto the good guy you are. Be gentle with yourself. Exactly. This is a horrible situation, and my thoughts are with you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/505402.md?page=6)