# My wife is leaving **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 26, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479 "2013-01-26T22:42:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/21 "2013-01-27T04:01:28Z")
I hope you and your wife will be together in the same place before too long. To hell with taxes. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/22 "2013-01-27T06:13:27Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > II don’t think you can call me an “asshole” in a MPSIMS thread. > > Procrustus, jr mod. Don’t worry, she’ll report her own post and give herself another non-warning. It’ll be great! > [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > can you clarify? because I am confused. you are really rich and your wife is not leaving you - is that correct? It appears you are correct. It takes all kinds. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/23 "2013-01-27T06:18:59Z")
> [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](#): > > … so we can hopefully save up enough to pay cash for a large, old house in the new city. … With the house paid for, even if my consulting business is a flop, her salary should keep us happy until our retirement plans start to kick-in. > > So, the packers are in the house packing up everything in sight. In one day, bookcases are empty, everything but the furniture is being packed. We made this decision months ago, but now it is hitting home. She will leave me tomorrow and all I’ll be left with is a dog, one TV, and an echo-filled house. > > I am very Sad. > > excavating (for a mind) Money. It’s a bitch, isn’t it? Lonlieness has nothing to do with your finances. Obama. Obama, my Lonely Brother! ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/24 "2013-01-27T06:52:31Z")
I know how long distance relationships can be. It’s definitely not easy. However, in my case, it just seemed to make our bond stronger and we appreciate each other more now that the separation is over. > [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](#): > > Anyway, I am grateful for the luck. But, I am not going to let anyone dismiss anything either I or my wife has accomplished because of luck. We got to where we are because we did what we felt needed to be done at the time. And, that same thinking is taking us into the future. I agree with what you said here. It has recently become fashionable to resent rich people, but the rich people I know all got to be rich because they worked hard and/or made sacrifices that most people wouldn’t be willing to make…just as you’re doing here. Besides, in America, we are ALL ridiculously rich by world standards. Until we have people starving to death in America (instead of being so wealthy that even our poor people are morbidly obese), none of us have any right to complain about anything because we’re pretty freaking lucky. All of us. ---
**Author:** ![gracer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8e7dd6/32.png) [@gracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gracer)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/25 "2013-01-27T12:53:43Z")
My SO and I have the deal that if one of us needs to do something in a different place, and the other can’t come due to other commitments, then that should be possible. So over the past decade we have spent some years not living together. It’s worked well for us, and we have a very strong relationship for it. Missing each other can be good. We talked online everyday, fell asleep with the laptop in bed, worked together with the microphone on. Visits were so much fun, like we were teenagers again. Now we live together again, and that’s so great. I appreciate it all the more. You’ll see her soon and all will be good. Start getting excited for it! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Old\_Red](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7feea3/32.png) [@Old\_Red](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Old_Red)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/26 "2013-01-27T15:11:09Z")
One of the biggest potential problems of an extended separation is not loneliness - it is growing apart. Without being cynical, many happy marriages or long-term relationships are held together by the glue of a repetitive daily routine. Not repetitive in the sense of ‘boring’ but the daily cementing of a predictable and secure bond between a couple. Separation puts considerable strain on that relationship. Suddenly the two parties are no longer ‘joined at the hip’. From now on, each begins to make their own decisions, starts to explore and push their own envelope. In particular, the woman in a conventional partnership begins to experience independence - of not ‘consulting’ before every decision. Instead she starts to gain a fresh and untapped confidence - a confidence to explore, to do things differently or anew. To meet and react with different minds. To meet different people. These inevitable changes can show up dramatically when the permanent reunion takes place - the ‘rejoining at the hip’. Attitudes have changed, irritating habits, once glossed over, now become the focus of conflict. And personal space now seem uncomfortably small and hemmed in. Sometimes the glue doesn’t work any more. These comments are not to paint a picture of unavoidable gloom and doom. It’s more to expose hidden rocks that can lay just below the surface. Better a chart of experience than to sail blindly into a rocky shore. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/27 "2013-01-27T15:14:14Z")
Glad to see the OP was pulling a [del]TokyoPlayer[/del] [del] **TokioBayer** [/del] ThatGuyInTaiwan on us. The next year is going to be tough but I think it’s easier for people who aren’t spring bunnies any more. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/28 "2013-01-27T15:20:18Z")
You seem very, very special, OP. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/29 "2013-01-27T17:35:10Z")
> [@lavenderviolet](#): > > I agree with what you said here. It has recently become fashionable to resent rich people, but the rich people I know all got to be rich because they worked hard and/or made sacrifices that most people wouldn’t be willing to make…just as you’re doing here. > Besides, in America, we are ALL ridiculously rich by world standards. Until we have people starving to death in America (instead of being so wealthy that even our poor people are morbidly obese), none of us have any right to complain about anything because we’re pretty freaking lucky. All of us. I don’t think I was clear with my comments. I have absolutely no problem with the OP making a good living. Or being “rich” or “lucky.”. I am both rich and lucky beyond my dreams. And, like the OP, my marriage to the most wonderful woman is the one thing that makes it possible to enjoy everything else. If I was forced by circumstances to be away from her for an extended period, the last thing I would bitch about is marginally higher taxes on my income over $400,000. That’s all I was trying to say. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/30 "2013-01-27T17:41:20Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > I don’t think I was clear with my comments. I have absolutely no problem with the OP making a good living. Or being “rich” or “lucky.”. I am both rich and lucky beyond my dreams. And, like the OP, my marriage to the most wonderful woman is the one thing that makes it possible to enjoy everything else. If I was forced by circumstances to be away from her for an extended period, the last thing I would bitch about is marginally higher taxes on my income over $400,000. That’s all I was trying to say. They just moved apart, give him a week. And I’ve got news for you, at best you married the second most wonderful woman. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/31 "2013-01-27T18:42:44Z")
I don’t give a damn how much money you make; being separated from the love of your life is hard. My husband just returned after a month-long absence which is nowhere near as long as you guys are facing, and it sucked. We’ve sacrificed a lot for each other over the years - I moved from Michigan to New Jersey so he could go to grad school, and in order to make our education/career work we’ve been moving what seems like constantly and trading ridiculously long commutes back and forth. We’ve had to put a hold on things like buying a house and having kids and all that. I know right now that we’re moving in June, but we have no idea where we’re moving. We won’t find out until late next month. But we’re at that point where it’s close to paying off. This last month he was flying all over the country for his internship interviews. This is the final step to getting his Ph.D., and I know once that’s over with we’ll both have an income and we can settle down and it will all pay off. In fact, if things go our way, this summer we’ll be moving to the place we plan to put down roots and actually settle down. Yes, focusing on the big picture makes a huge difference. Think about how much the quality of your lives will improve once you actually are together again. I think it would be a good idea for you guys to get together and do something special at points throughout the year. Maybe once every three months or something, just get away and spend some time together. What I do know, or at least think I know, is that it’s really hard at first but will get better with time, as you adjust to a new ‘‘normal.’’ Also I think once you adjust, the year will go faster than you think. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2013, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/32 "2013-01-27T19:34:29Z")
Try to have at least every other weekend together. Is there a sleeper train available? Failing that, having a plane to catch is a good excuse for leaving work very promptly. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2013, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479/33 "2013-02-01T14:32:57Z")
> [@twickster](#): > > **Procrustus, Two Many Cats** , political disagreement doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole in an MPSIMS thread. If you have a problem with the OP, take it to the Pit. > > **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator It has just now been brought to my attention that it was inappropriate for me to have called **Procrustus** and **Two Many Cats** assholes in the course of writing a mod note in MPSIMS. **Procrustus** and **Two Many Cats** , I’m sorry I called you assholes. The language was not appropriate outside the Pit and I should not have done that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-leaving/648479.md?page=1)