# My wife is mad because I was a jerk - in her dream **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 11, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169 "2012-01-11T15:50:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/1 "2012-01-11T15:50:33Z")
Last night my wife dreamt that instead of helping her get the kids ready for me to take them to school, I just went out to the car and listened to the radio. So she was irritated with me all morning, even though (as always) I _did_ help the kids get ready. I even ironed my son’s shirt! Anyone else ever get their SO’s cold shoulder for an imagined offense? ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/2 "2012-01-11T15:55:58Z")
When she first wakes up? Sure, but never all morning. She’s usually grateful that it isn’t true. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/3 "2012-01-11T15:59:35Z")
Yes! Can last up to a few hours. Years later, don’t be surprised when she recalls it as a legit event. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/4 "2012-01-11T16:13:53Z")
My mom did that to my Dad. She would have a dream that he cheated on her, and she’d stay pissed at him for hours. I never noticed it myself at the time, but my Mom admitted this to me recently. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/5 "2012-01-11T16:17:54Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > My mom did that to my Dad. She would have a dream that he cheated on her, and she’d stay pissed at him for hours. > > I never noticed it myself at the time, but my Mom admitted this to me recently. My wife has done this to; although last time she dreamed that I was cheating on her she dreamed that she called the other woman and explained that it was just a big misunderstanding and cleared it all up. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/6 "2012-01-11T16:32:31Z")
The usual explanation is that if she wasn’t irritated with you for some real world issue, she wouldn’t be having dreams about you doing something that irritates her. So the irritation she’s directing at you over the dream issue is really the irritation she’s feeling over the real world issue, even if she’s not conscious of what the source of that real world irritation is. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/7 "2012-01-11T16:39:07Z")
Bwhaaa… that’s the first time in awhile an OP title has caused me to laugh out loud, but it did. Yeah, two things; as mentioned there may well be some underlying cause that needs to be addressed. But then sometimes men _are_ from Mars, and women, well, someplace else entirely. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/8 "2012-01-11T16:42:58Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The usual explanation is that if she wasn’t irritated with you for some real world issue, she wouldn’t be having dreams about you doing something that irritates her. So the irritation she’s directing at you over the dream issue is really the irritation she’s feeling over the real world issue, even if she’s not conscious of what the source of that real world irritation is. It is about the time of month when it becomes difficult _not_ irritate her… but she doesn’t have to make up reasons, I’m sure she can find things I actually do to get mad about. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![spanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@spanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spanna)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/9 "2012-01-11T16:44:45Z")
Yes Thank God I’m not alone - I thought it was only me 😃 ---
**Author:** ![robardin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/43a26b/32.png) [@robardin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robardin)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/10 "2012-01-11T17:38:02Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The usual explanation is that if she wasn’t irritated with you for some real world issue, she wouldn’t be having dreams about you doing something that irritates her. So the irritation she’s directing at you over the dream issue is really the irritation she’s feeling over the real world issue, even if she’s not conscious of what the source of that real world irritation is. That’s right. I mean, if you’re not accountable for the actions of dream-you on real-her, who is? SOMEONE clearly is, and it’s just as clearly not her, that would be blaming the victim, yeah? And dream-you is based on real-you. Unless you believe in demons or evil spirits of the night, which is just fuzzy thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Candyman74](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Candyman74](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Candyman74)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/11 "2012-01-11T17:41:26Z")
Isn’t that a _Friends_ episode? ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/12 "2012-01-11T17:49:28Z")
You were a jerk in her dream, so she acts like a jerk in real life. Seems fair to me. ---
**Author:** ![Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ed655f/32.png) [@Crown\_Prince\_of\_Irony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crown_Prince_of_Irony)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/13 "2012-01-11T17:55:11Z")
This happened once - my wife was pissed at me all day, and I had no clue why. Finally, after we got the kids to bed, I got her to open up, and apparently she had an awful dream where I had been a complete jerk, and amongst other things, had cheated on her. And I, being a little miffed that this was all over a dream, replied: “Well, now is as good a time as any… we need to talk.” Of course, I’ve never cheated on her at all, and she could tell from my tone that I was joking, but that didn’t stop her from punching my arm as hard as she could. I had a well-deserved bruise for a week. ---
**Author:** ![jem\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@jem\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jem_1)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/14 "2012-01-11T17:55:30Z")
My husband has pissed me off a few times as a result of how he treated me in my dreams… First words of the morning: me: I’m so mad at you!!! him: What did I do now? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/15 "2012-01-11T17:56:15Z")
My psycho ex-wife pulled that crap on me a couple of times, accompanied by not talking to me for the entire day because of how “mean” I was to her in the dream, and of course, (insert more insanity here). You’re going to have to talk to her about this at a time when she’s not angry with you for imagined offenses. “Honey, I would really hope that you would realize that it isn’t actually ME in your dreams being a dick and that you wouldn’t be punishing me for something that I didn’t actually do.” If it persists, I recommend you both go to some therapy where a professional can advise her how destructive that is. ---
**Author:** ![RedBloom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/dbc845/32.png) [@RedBloom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedBloom)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/16 "2012-01-11T17:56:48Z")
I went through a period of time (2-3 months) where I was having dreams constantly about my hubs cheating on me. I’d tell him about them and he’d roll his eyes and tell me I was crazy, that would never happen. The dreams stopped shortly after I found out he really _was_. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/17 "2012-01-11T18:08:38Z")
I have dumped my wife abruptly a couple of times, in her dreams. I hate having to hear about this. Last time she complained about this to me, I responded, “Look, I don’t tell you about all the times where _I’ve_ dreamed that I dumped you!” Problem solved. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/18 "2012-01-11T18:25:57Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > Last night my wife dreamt that instead of helping her get the kids ready for me to take them to school, I just went out to the car and listened to the radio. So she was irritated with me all morning, even though (as always) I _did_ help the kids get ready. I even ironed my son’s shirt! > > Anyone else ever get their SO’s cold shoulder for an imagined offense? Yes! I even posted it on here. There were many responses 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/19 "2012-01-11T18:42:19Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The usual explanation is that if she wasn’t irritated with you for some real world issue, she wouldn’t be having dreams about you doing something that irritates her. So the irritation she’s directing at you over the dream issue is really the irritation she’s feeling over the real world issue, even if she’s not conscious of what the source of that real world irritation is. Even if that were true, which I doubt, it doesn’t mean that the wife _deserves_ to be pissed about the supposed slight. What if the “offense” is that the guy tried to talk to her when she was tired, or didn’t put the forks in the dishwasher the way she wanted it to be done? Even with those irritations at the conscious level, you’d be right to tell her to shut up and deal. I don’t put up with that dream-guilt bullshit, personally. If someone wants to be such a weak person that they let their gut rule their brain, then that’s on them. I’m not going to whip up an apology because you can’t be bothered to get a hold of yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169/20 "2012-01-11T19:05:22Z")
Yeah, sometimes I “feel” mad at people for the stuff that happens in my dreams. But I realize that the human brain can be a wacky thing, and these feelings aren’t at all rational. Eventually it passes, and hopefully nobody is any the wiser. I might tell someone about the dream if they were in it, but not in an accusatory manner. Claiming your dream-actions are a legitimate reason for her to be upset with you would be very, very silly on her part. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-mad-because-i-was-a-jerk-in-her-dream/609169.md?page=2)