# My wife is useless in an emergency (AKA the Cro-Magnon Yellowjacket Incident) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 15, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746 "2003-07-15T22:11:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2003, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/21 "2003-07-16T21:45:49Z")
I’m flattered, **OpalCat**. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2003, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/22 "2003-07-16T22:49:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aries28 \* > \*\*Those Dark Lords…can’t live with them…can’t kick their butts back to Modor. \*\* Actually, IIRC, Dark Lords do have weaknesses. Look around a bit for a ring. A plain gold band is the typical manifestation. Once you put it on you’ll be invisible(or so my wife tells me). Tossing it into an active volcano should ruin his day. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/23 "2003-07-17T02:44:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aries28 \* > \*\*_sigh_ > > Of COURSE we got a different bed. When we got there they had the cutest captain’s bed EVER. Tiny minion of Sauron’s new room is a nautical theme with boats and shells and the like. The captain’s bed will look PERFECT in there. Geez… **I** can’t help it that it was more expensive than the bed we originally looked at. > > **Sauron** forgot the funniest part of the story to me…hearing him say “fuck” is just about the most hilarious thing in the world. He next to never curses (how he got mixed up with me I have no idea) and to hear those vile words expel forth from his pure lips just makes me giggle. > > And I am **so** going to tell my Daddy you were talking badly about his truck… 😉 \*\* You’re a lucky girl, THIS is a coool, cool guy you’ve got here!!! ---
**Author:** ![skittles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@skittles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skittles)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/24 "2003-07-17T16:28:09Z")
**Sauron** this is the best OP I’ve EVER read here. Sorry about your leg! Now, if only I could return to a normal state or breathing all would be well… ---
**Author:** ![Interrobang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/interrobang/32/17463_2.png) [@Interrobang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interrobang)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/25 "2003-07-17T18:04:39Z")
> [@](#): > > As in any marital disagreement that’s tied 1-1, the tiebreaking vote goes to my wife. I meant to ask this before: who wrote this constitution? More to the point, **Sauron** , what was your incentive for ratifying it? (Don’t tell me you traded the tiebreaking vote to your wife for nothing! Dark lords are supposed to be better negotiators than that!) Of course, I can’t think of a nicer person to have a tiebreaking vote. ---
**Author:** ![parlo\_americano](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b19c9b/32.png) [@parlo\_americano](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/parlo_americano)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/26 "2003-07-17T21:34:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > > **parlo americano** : I’m fairly certain the insect’s name is spelled “praying mantis,” but by changing the spelling to “preying” you have highlighted the malicious and misandristically cannibalistic nature of the dread female. I like that.\*\* …Once again the case of a woman interpreting things just a little differently than they are. You should see me put words to a tone of voice… him “but I said I liked it.” me “no you didn’t. you said you liked it.” > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sauron \* > \*\*and you’re unparallelled when it comes to making me conserve space on my side of the closet by slowly allowing your wardrobe to creep into my section. \*\* How often do you put your clothes into the closet? Just asking. Maybe your wife is just using the space you don’t use. ---
**Author:** ![Swampwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Swampwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swampwolf)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/27 "2003-07-17T21:59:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fessie \* > \*\*Glad I clicked on this one - extra points to you for mentioning your wife’s glow 🙂 \*\* Y’know, when I was living in Myrtle Beach, a female blues singer (Kerry, of the Kerry Michaels Band) used the line on stage, “You know, southern women don’t sweat. We _glow._. Right now, ah’m glowin’ like a pig!” That’s the first thing that popped into my head when I saw that line. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/28 "2003-07-21T14:11:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Interrobang!? \* > I meant to ask this before: who wrote this constitution? More to the point, **Sauron** , what was your incentive for ratifying it? I would answer your question, **Interrobang!?** , but unfortunately I don’t have the rulebook for our marriage. **Aries28** keeps the only copy of that document, and I have to ask her for clarification whenever there’s a rules dispute. She consults the manual and tells me the outcome, similar to the way the Catholic Church administered the Bible in the 1100s. As to my incentive for ratifying it … you mean I had a _choice_? > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by parlo americano_ > How often do you put your clothes into the closet? Just asking. Maybe your wife is just using the space you don’t use. This is actually somewhat amusing, because I’m the one who tends to put away my clothes on a more frequent basis than my lovely wife. Not that she’s a slob, by any means. ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2003, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746/29 "2003-07-21T14:17:34Z")
When trying to decide who was right about what was said between my wife and I, I always remember the immortal words of Will Rogers… “There are two ways to argue with a woman. Neither one works.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/my-wife-is-useless-in-an-emergency-aka-the-cro-magnon-yellowjacket-incident/188746.md?page=1)